"In some ways, burnout felt kind of normal. Cause it happened so gradually that by the time I realised it, it was part of my normal." "In some ways it felt like a neverending flu. Yeah kind of like that exhausted at the end of a flu where you don't have the cold symptoms any more but your whole body aches and is tired all the time, and you're finding it hard to think." My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World. You can follow along on Instagram @mymindandi_podcast or if you'd like to get in touch, or be featured on an episode, you can email mymindandiemail@gmail.com

My Mind & I

#1 Pilot – Burnout

In episode 6, James talks to us about his experience having body dysmorphia and anxiety. Asked once by a friend in a pub, “How would you describe your relationship with food? he says, “Complicated.” He believes one of the reasons body dysmorphia sufferers go so long without getting support is because society teaches us that obsessing too much about a part of our body’s is vain. And that playground bullying really can lead to hangups on one end of the spectrum and body dysmorphia at the other. "I used to have these really in depth fantasies about how I would lose the weight, and what I would do to be thin – not so much thin, but this body ideal I conjured in my mind." "I still struggle with it, it's still a challenge, but it's a challenge you get so much better at dealing with." "I’m constantly seeking validation because of having body issues and anxiety, yet never accept the validation I get which is why I’m always seeking it–only I see my body for the way it is." "If I really want something I end up eating it, and that unchecked as a child is bad, it's bad news for poor young James, bless him."

#6 Body dysmorphia

In episode 5, Chris recounts his coming out experience. He knew from a young age he was different. With his anxiety heightened during his teenage years, he lived in constant fear of being outed. The first person he came out to was himself, followed by friends and family and a majority of this in the last year. He was a little late to this pivotal moment in most queer people’s life but his mum said he needs to be happy first and everything will come after. "The anxiety was every day. I would spend so much time looking at what I was going to wear because I didn't want anything to attract attention. I wouldn’t dress to please myself, I would dress to make sure nobody notices me." "I would put so much thought into what I would say, the way I would act with my hands, what they were doing, my legs, all day thinking what am I doing, how I’m talking to my parents, how I’m talking to my friends – it’s exhausting." "It helped me be a ‘better gay’ – at 29 you think you have it figured out, knowing that my parents know now I feel like I am even more myself than I was before." My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World. You can follow along on Instagram @mymindandi_podcast or if you'd like to get in touch, or be featured on an episode, you can email mymindandiemail@gmail.com

#5 Coming out & anxiety

“I would not be who I am without what I've experienced. I would not make the decisions that I make without my experiences.” “On really dark days I couldn't even make the baby's bottles. People think I was at home, being like Mary Poppins. I can tell you I wasn't. I was lying in bed with an electric blanket on. They were just really dark times.” “The other thing that has helped me is researching it. I research everything. I like to read up on adverse childhood experiences. I like to read up on trauma. I like to read up on being a highly sensitive person. I’m a bit of a detective of my own mental health.” In episode 4 we hear from one woman’s pregnancy experience and her mental health. Pregnancy, and the anticipation of starting a family, can be a really exciting time, but it can also be a really dark time for some mothers to be. My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World. You can follow along on Instagram @mymindandi_podcast or if you'd like to get in touch, or be featured on an episode, you can email mymindandiemail@gmail.com

#4 Pregnancy & mental health

"In my 20s I was doing my degree,  I was getting on with my life,  but my time wasn't how I imagined it was going to be. It was something I had to get through, I kept going and pushing and learning about what was up with me. I had enough at one point and decided to go see a doctor." "I had obsessions around harm, they were freaking me out. I had thoughts around the dinner table, what would happen if I lost control – 'I picked up a knife and did something to my family members.' I was genuinely concerned that would happen, I was petrified. I was so worried about this. I had no idea that it was OCD." This episode features Robert James, an OCD & Anxiety Coach based in Barcelona working with clients from all over the world. You can find him on Instagram @robertjamescoachinguk or www.robertjamescoaching.com My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World. You can follow along on Instagram @mymindandi_podcast or if you'd like to get in touch, or be featured on an episode, you can email mymindandiemail@gmail.com

#3 OCD & Anxiety Coaching

"I went and did therapy because what was going on was unsustainable. I reached a point where it was getting too chaotic, I need to go speak to someone." "Therapy was partially about anger management, and it was partially about the anxiety of my dad's mortality with him being fifty years older. The first session was cagey; how much do I open the valve, you know. You let it trickle a bit to start with, but by the second, third session the water's flowing."  My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World. You can follow along on Instagram @mymindandi_podcast or if you'd like to get in touch, or be featured on an episode, you can email mymindandiemail@gmail.com

#2 – Therapy

The everyday positive and not so positive experiences of mental health.