About

What is up, family culture hackers?! Welcome to the movement to revolutionize your family culture - a movement to shift away from the norms and values established by a society and a history saddled in a narrative of vanity, fear, scarcity, lack, prejudice, consumerism, inauthenticity, and contempt. These prevailing and pervasive beliefs are everywhere and most of us know it but we don’t really know what to do about it!  I started learning about these dysfunctional beliefs when my life started going off the rails in 2016 (well, it started a lot sooner than that, but we’ll get into that later)! My husband, Michael, was miserable at his job. He hadn’t been able to find work in line with his goals so he found whatever he could and then found himself underemployed and unappreciated. We started having serious money problems, and soon found ourselves spiraling into serious depression. Without even realizing it, we were playing out a scripted narrative based in a patriarchal belief system. More than this, we were playing out a narrative of scarcity and lack, and fear and inauthenticity that had been inadvertently passed on to us from previous generations that have been deeply ingrained in our family and societal belief systems. We had roles to play, images to uphold, and duties to perform. We did everything right, and should have been on the right track. We kept our struggles at the surface in an effort to superficially resolve our problems with linear thinking to keep up the status quo. This status quo meant keeping up appearances and playing out the script for the foreseeable future. Then, we began to crack. The vision of being stuck like this forever was deeply depressing. There was no end and no escape. In 2019, we’d had enough. Michael quit his job. We sold our house. We moved in with my parents to reduce our expenses. We filed bankruptcy in 2020, and faced all our demons. All of them.  If you are dying to make a change in your life somehow but you are feeling stuck, it is not your fault! These dominant belief systems often live just beneath the surface of your consciousness and you live out your day to day reacting to these beliefs. They have been passed on to you by society and family - sometimes even written into your DNA, so how could you know about it?!  Family culture hacking is all about learning how to recognize these dysfunctional belief systems and stopping them in their tracks! Whenever you spot one, you’ll be able to say, “ah ha! Caught you!” Like a glitch in the Matrix. You’ll start to see them lurking everywhere - in your thoughts and language; in media, music, and marketing; in education; in government and politics; and even in your daily habits! There are three major players in the belief systems you pick up that influence your family culture the most. Author James Clear refers to these players as “the close,” “the many,” and “the powerful.” The close refers to your family and your community. The many refers to society at large and the commonly accepted narratives and norms you witness in the media and marketing. The powerful refers to the influencers, the leaders, and the game-changers throughout history who set the cultural expectations of your beliefs and identities.  If you aren't aware, these three players can keep us stuck in a cultural identity that influences your thoughts, behaviors, and patterns. Because of the way humans are wired, we don’t want to be different. We learn early on how to fit in so we don’t get into trouble, or we learn when to stand out when we want to get what we want! We pick up beliefs about who we are to explain to ourselves how the world works and where we fit into the grand scheme of things.  It’s likely you have learned to be comfortable with those beliefs because they have protected you and have provided you with your basic human needs. They have shaped your identity and perhaps have gotten you through some seriously troubling...