Education
As the world seems to be spinning faster and faster and our lives are turning right with it, face-to-face conversations are a dying art.It seems strange that now that we have more tools for communication than we have ever had at our disposal we have more breakdowns in communication than we have ever had.Some how in the world of cell phones, voice mails, emails, and text messages we have less meaningful communication than when none of those things were available.When you really think about it, our communication with one another is so accessible and immediate that we can “talk” for hours about very little more than surface connections.In the areas of business and commerce, these communication tools have made us much more efficient, effective, and aware; but that has not translated well into our personal lives.Instead of talking to someone face to face, it is more efficient to send an email even if they are across the room, down the hall, or even down the street from us.In addition, we often write things in ways that we would never say verbally, sometimes for the better but more frequently, for the worse.Most remarkably of all, we are much more willing to “talk” to others about someone than we are to talk to the person directly.Matter of fact, with the tools we now have available we can talk to multiple friends at once about someone other than those we are talking to.That has always been an issue, but modern technology has given us the opportunity to do this 24/7 no matter where we are at the time.Previously “gossip” would usually take place one person at a time and would move forward only as quickly as one person could phone another at their homes. I think this communication break down has created more tension in the lives of people than is healthy.More importantly we are losing the skill of conversation and dialog that could lead to repairing and maintaining a relationship.Our bent towards talking to everyone about a situation other then the person who could actually change it, makes us feel better because we can get support for our view of the issue, but yet it has done very little to find a real solution to the problem.The Scriptures speak about relationships and the need to go to the person who has offended you first and then the process of including others is advised.We prefer to include others first and then if we get enough support on our side we will go as a group to the appropriate person, or determine that we as group who now all share the same view of the relationship can “vote that person off the island.”I am certainly talking more about student-to-student interactions but this is not at all foreign to the world of adults either. As I was talking to some of our elementary staff members about student issues, including playground bullying, they told me about a technique that the school counselors were using to teach students how to deal with a confrontational situation.It was called “a bug and a wish.”I think it might be a good tool for all of us, no matter what our age.It works like this: If you are offended or hurt by the words or actions of another person you need to go to that person and indicate a bug and a wish.“It bugs me when you…” and “I wish that you would…”If you have a negative comment you must balance that with a solution.It requires both sides.To just list all the things that bug you will not bring about a solution and if you just list the wishes then the person you are speaking to will never understand the context for all those wishes. I like it.It makes sense and is an easy guideline to remember.If you add the expectation that if at all possible this should be done in person, I think we could revitalize many relationships.However, too frequently today, people are so hurt by the things said to others about them or even to them indirectly that they give up on a possible solution because there has been no balance in the conversation, only “bugs,” and no “wishes.” It is time for us to stop talking about people and start talking to people.This is challenging and it is not easy, but it is the right thing to do.“A bug and a wish” – try it.