Andrew Weingart on being a conscious parent

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Waves Of Clarity Podcast

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Andrew Weingart speaks to Tracy about being a conscious parent with your children, helping them develop their true selves. Andrew can be found on Instagram at www.instagram.com/elevatewithandrew/  Details of his course are here: https://linktr.ee/elevatewithandrew For 80% off the course, message Andrew direct for a promo code (or drop Tracy a note and she will connect you). Tracy can be contacted as follows: Website: www.tracykimberg.com Phone: 07928 154054 Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/ Hello and welcome to the waves of clarity. This is the 20th episode. Oh my goodness. I can't hardly believe it. It's been five months of weekly podcasts. And I want to thank you for listening for your support. I hope that you have really managed to listen to most of the episodes and that in each episode you found something valuable that has made a difference in your life. Let's be honest with each other. This last year has been an absolute nightmare at times, but we've also had loads of really special times and memories that we're going to carry with us for a very, very long time. But a lot of us have lost our motivation, our mojo, so to speak. Have you lost your mojo. Then this episode is exactly what you need to listen to. I have a guest, his name is Andrew Weingart. Andrew is a motivational speaker and he specializes in teaching people about mindfulness and also helping teenagers be better motivated and more mindful in their lives. Being a therapist is extremely rewarding. It can also be quite difficult sometimes listening to people's hardships and the troubles that they have in their lives, but there is nothing more. Wonderful for me then getting an amazing review from a client that's completed their course in therapy, or has completed the first step and is willing to carry on in the process of improving themselves and building their resilience throughout their lives. So, today I want to share with you a very special, um, review, which is from one of my clients. It's a young lad that. Really what amazed me. He walked into my office feeling really shy. And, um, the transformation that I saw in him over the three months that he came to see me was absolutely magnificent and made me very proud in a way, not of myself, but of him because he is the one that did the hard work. So this is his review in his own words, which I really love. I was nervous in the beginning and didn't like talking, but felt comfortable after the first session. I have learned how to be confident now. And I'm so thankful that I came and definitely recommend this. So this type of review is really what makes my job worth doing. I love it when people really feel the benefit of coming for therapy. Very important to remember is if anything, in today's episode, when I talk to Andrew resonates with you. Then I welcome you and I invite you to contact me. I'd love to have a discussion with you and see if there's anything we can do to help you. And if I can't help you, I can definitely refer you to someone that can help you. I'd also like to invite you to next week's episode, which is going to be focused on the importance of proper communication in your relationship, healthy communication. Open communication, which is vital for your relationship to thrive and grow. Let's get on with this week's episode, excited to introduce him. He is really interesting and I'm sure you're going to enjoy listening to everything he has to say. Welcome Andrew, to the waves of clarity podcast. I'm so honored to have you here. So I'm going to introduce you. I'd like you to introduce yourself and tell people about who you are. What you do and what your passions are. Well, thanks for that, Tracy. I appreciate it. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day and what you're doing here as well. Like providing a platform for myself and other people who want to help inspire others and create ways of clarity. Um, a little bit about me. Well, I grew up. Normal kid, um, in New Jersey, uh, was always like the life of the party, like just vibrant, uh, always joking around like just, just being a goof and felt so free. And, um, it wasn't until really that I hit sixth grade. I was 12 years old that I actually came down with Lyme disease. And it took, uh, four different hospitals to figure out what it was. Cause I had a rare case of a it's called Lyme meningitis, or I got double vision and my headaches were so bad. It felt like I would literally cry. And um, so the point of me telling that story is that was actually when I first can remember experiencing feeling bullied. Um, I received a card, a big like huge card. From my classmates and they mailed it and somehow they got it to the hospital. And I was reading, there was so many lovely things on it, but right in the dead center of the card, it said gay. And I had made up in my head that I knew the kid who said it. And it was the first time I actually experienced being bullied and. Really from that moment on now, looking back gradually, my confidence just started to diminish my willingness to shine my light and just not have a worry about what other people would think about me slowly started to diminish. And then I started to continually attract that because, um, the mind, you know, the thoughts that we have is what we continue to attract. So I started to attract more bullies. My older brother started to bully me, which seems pretty natural for an older brother, but that also affected me. Right. Um, and then from there, um, I went to, I. Got a bunch of injuries from high school sports. And because my injuries were so bad from sports and my body was out of alignment, but not only my body, my energetic body inside of me, it was out of alignment. I actually found yoga when I was 25 and it was, it was strictly just to heal my physical body. And then as I started to heal my physical body, I ended up meeting my. My Ukrainian teacher, who is like, uh, a Buddhist monk. And it was the first time that I experienced whatever anybody calls it, universe source creator, God. Right. I experienced that through his words and I said, wow, this is what I've been. Like I've felt that there was something else there. And my soul always knew. I always felt that was connected, but I Oh. But I never knew how to like get there. I was like, you know, where's the key to open the door to have this information until unlock this. And so I met him and I became a yoga instructor through his course. And, you know, since then I've done personal development trainings, um, and the training similar to landmark forum, which is big on development. And from there, I really, I just started coaching people. It was my passion to help other people. And one day just hit me. I said, Whoa. I said, if I had all of these tools and techniques that I have now, when I was a teenager or when I was 12, when I first got bullied, I wouldn't have allowed myself to go down this spiral. And I just see it. I'm like if we can catch, if we can educate teens before they get into this. And, and anybody, the sooner we get this tools, these tools and information, the more easily we can hold that true pureness that we are as a human being, or I believe that we're pure whole and complete from birth. It's just through our patterns, our conditionings, our habits, what we're. What we learned from our parents, even though they do the best that they can with vape, what they know, and also society and media and et cetera, is what programs us into someone who we think that we are, but it's not who we are. You know, like I did this little mini Ted talk. It was like, you're not who you think you are. And to let people know, it's like, well, what does that mean? It's like, well, all this person that you think you are is not actually, you it's just. All of the things that in experiences that you've. Grabbed from your life from media and what they tell you you should do in this and what your parents think is best for you. Most of the times, we're just, we're just mimicking our parents, but is that truly what we believe in our heart and soul that is most important to us that resonates with us. And I think this is a great segue into the whole parenting. And I specifically work with teens, but th but parenting in general, it's like I noticed oftentimes that. The parent believes and in right. Do mind. I understand that my way is the best. But they're doing it out of love. Right? That's the first thing I want to mention is like, I know that it's coming from love, but the team doesn't see it in that way. And the teen is like, they're rebelling because that's their, that's their development, mental part of their life. When they're looking to create their own identity and to create their own independence. And that's where the clashing between the two common, I think that's where a lot of the parenting issues come from. And, um, Yeah. So that's me. That's me. And, um, I'll pass it back to you, cause I'm sure you have some questions for me. I can go on forever. So when, um, when, um, the say, when I started talking about my job and I love my job, um, you know, I have to really, um, say to myself, you need to shut up and it's. Um, but, um, I think, um, when you think about how there's a lot of talk. About, um, having an awakening when you met life. Um, in the olden days, they used to refer to it as a midlife crisis. Now they've they refer to it as an awakening. Um, and. My theory is that the wakening comes exactly because of what you have just described because of how we've been told, how we are, how we should be, what we should believe in, how we should act and all that. And eventually we have a delayed reaction to realizing who we are, and that's when we have this awakening. When we older. Um, I was wondering, what do you think, um, we can do to. Um, shift that awakening earlier for our children to shift it, um, to not happen later in life so that before they end up finding a life partner before they end up, um, making very serious choices about the future to have that awakening, um, Before and earlier then what we are as grownups. Yeah. It's a great question. Um, I think that. W w as you alluded to it doesn't have to be a mid-life right. It could be at any point. And, and when I experienced mine was when I was 28. Um, and I think that we can experience that immediately or get to the point in an ideal world that we never even have to experience it because we never lose that pureness of who we are. Right. Um, what I've learned from my experience in hearing others' experiences is oftentimes it takes. It takes some sort of bang energy and circumstance to happen in order for that awakening to occur. So sometimes it's such, it's such, um, you know, great arguing, like intense arguing in a relationship, or somebody does something to us. So harmful for me. I had a DUI and I became allergic to alcohol. So that was kinda like my wake up of like, okay, let me just like chill out, settled down. Like. You know, and I started to find myself on this path, um, as far as what we can do, um, we must educate, we must educate our teens, uh, all of our children, uh, no matter what age and. I think that's, you know, kind of what we're doing here is like, whatever platform, never think your voice is too, too small, first and foremost, if you can impact one person, right. That butterfly effect, you can impact one person to wake up. They can be the next Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra. You don't, you don't know. Right. Um, so I think that's really important, uh, is to share, share your gifts authentically vulnerably and. Never think that your voice is too small. Um, really getting to the teens and understanding, I would say number two is to really get on their level, especially as a parent one tap into like who, who. Who was I when I was a teenager, what were some of the things that I went through? Because I believe that life is always reflecting back to us, the things that are unresolved within us. And so it's like, okay, how is my team acting? And how can I be accountable for that? Not from a place of I'm blaming myself. I'm a terrible parent. I don't know what to do, but like, How am I being with my child, that's working for me. How am I being with my child? That's not working for me. And then what can I bring forth from me that can create that shift? And a lot of times for, in my belief for everybody, but since we're talking about parents, it's the need to be, right? Like, it's like, Oh, this is the way that it is. And it should be. And if my kid would just do this, then everything would be great. But guess what? He's not, or he or she is not, you. Right. So he, or she has a different, we all have different perspectives of lot of life. So when we can get to a common ground and learn communication, and this is what I teach in my eight week course for teens is a particular way to communicate with people in the world so that they understand you and they get it. They get what you're saying what's happening is there's a disconnect. What you're saying to your teen is not landing for them. Okay. So it's like, so it's like, how can I be accountable and how can I be resilient and relentless that no matter what it takes, I will even be willing to be wrong about all of what I've been doing so that I can create that result. And I think that's super, super cool Warren. In your work? How, how, when do you, I think one should start with this. I know the answer, but you know, I think. Obviously from birth, but when you, for people that have never heard about or thoughts about changing the way that they parent their children, what do you think is important for somebody listening that thinks maybe I'm doing it wrong. I need to maybe change the way I'm parenting my child. What, what would you say are a couple of basic steps that they can, um, try, um, in the way that they parenting to change things and better the relationship with them and their children. Yeah. So to answer your first question, like you said, it's early possible. They're actually teaching, um, S E L, which stands for social emotional learning. They're implementing these programs in the schools. I know in the U S I'm sure it's worldwide and it's not in every school, but hopefully it gets there because it's teaching these kids how to be, how to learn socially and interact, and then understand their emotions, which is in my experience. First of the first importance, because when we can understand our inner world, then we can clearly understand our external world and then we can get results in our life. We're not experiencing depression, anxiety, et cetera. Um, so yeah, and of course each age group, you're going to have different things that you're going to teach based on their level of understanding. Um, as far as things that like a parent can implement right now with their child would be to. Seek support know that you don't have to do it on your own is definitely I think a very big priority because there is a 10th attempt, a tendency of righteousness between amongst human beings in general. Right? It's like I can do it on my own. I'm going to figure this out. And if I w. Human beings in my experience also have this struggle to ask for support because it means that you're weak, that you're not smart and these types of things. So as a parent or something, yeah. Right. And understanding that you're not alone. There's so many parents out there that are going through the same exact thing as you just with a different twist on it. So it's like, how can we come together as a community of parents and a community of teens? So we can start to address these issues? I would say number two is listening. Listen with the intent to simply listen and feel like do your best to feel the emotion and the pain, the suffering that the teen is expressing to you and notice as well. That what they're saying on the surface is not actually really, truly most of the time, what they're dealing with, the reason why they're mad or angry or lashing out at you is not, it's like. If you can look okay, like why are they upset? And asking questions would be number three. So ask questions, you know, go deeper with asking permission. I would say is number one is ask permission to your child. Hey, are you open to talking about this? Cause a lot of times parents go in with like, Oh, I have this entitlement that I can just do and say whatever I want. Cause I'm the parent, which okay. When they're younger. Sure. Because they need guidance direction, but especially as a teen moves towards their adolescents, it's huge. It's in our biology as a human, as the mind develops, we long for a sense of independence and self-identity, and. Yeah. And what happens is teens start to look elsewhere. They don't, they don't teens want that independence. So they actually look elsewhere from their parents. Their parents is just like their security, but they want to start to explore. So I often hear a lot of times parents say like, Oh, I feel like I'm losing my son. They never talked to me. My daughter, you know, I feel distant. And it's also that surrendering as a parent of knowing like, Hey, I'm doing great. And like have that discussion with them. Listen, tell them, tell them you understand what they're going through or ask them what they're going through so you can relate to them. And then once you're both on the same page, now, you're like, okay, listen, here's the boundaries, but you. Invite them to create the boundaries with you because now they're starting to be independent. You have to give them a say, but that doesn't mean like, Oh mom gonna stay until 3:00 AM. No, you get to negotiate. Okay. How's 11 instead. Okay. So now they have a sense of say, and then you create that connection. But if it's the constant like this, you do what I say. A lot of times that comes from a fear of the parent. Not wanting them to get hurt, not wanting to get her wrong or wrong. Around the wrong crowd into drugs, around the friends, et cetera. And I get that and that's where that sense of surrender comes in. Right. So it's a fine line and I'm not a parent, so I wouldn't be able to tell you that it's easy and I'm sure it's super challenging, you know, but yeah, that's, that would be my, those are my main tips. So it would be, um, Hmm. Let's see if I can recall them ask permission. Right. Um, ask, ask them questions to see how they're feeling and really relate because we can make up in our head like, Oh, they're feeling Ang angry, but really, maybe they're not feeling angry. So asking them like, what's what are they experiencing? Um, Alyson was the other one and listening yeah. With the intention to simply feel what they're feeling, having that compassion. Yeah. That's often, I think a lot of the time, the problem is those exact three things. Um, but you can, um, that can spill over into every single relationship. Not only with our children, you know? Um, I think if they are parents listening out there. You know, even when you are in your own relationships with your partner, those are the three key tools to actually having communication and respect for each other. Those three things are vital in any relationship. Absolutely. And I think also too, teens don't feel heard people in general don't feel heard because we do too much talking and not enough listening. So it's like a teen wants to express something or, you know, Like, you know, share something and then like the parents just, it's almost like a, I know better. Let me tell you. And it's like, they don't feel heard and whatever, whatever you're experiencing with your team, that they're probably also going to experience and is, like you said, it's going to show up in other areas of your life. So it's an unresolved trauma or pattern or conditioning that you've had from your past life. So like, I would say that's another piece of advice is like, As an adult, take yourself on. Take your own inner work on, as you start to heal yourself, you're going to learn, you're going to release things like, Oh, I used to never listen because I felt unheard from my dad or my mom. So now when I heal that within me and I work on that, now I could be more present with my child so that they now feel heard. And now you're breaking that, that pattern that has been going on for lineages. You know, there's so many single people Aaron's out there. Um, that's with girls dads, with boys, women, moms, with girls and boys. And I think it can be quite difficult when you don't have a second parent as a backup. How do you. See, um, maintaining that balance between not always being the bad cop, you know, it's very, very difficult. Um, when you are single parents too, because you're trying to make a, for the parent that's not there. So obviously you have to almost. Be the bad cop all the time. You never get a break. What's the importance of creating those spaces where you can actually just not be the bad cop, just be there in the moment with your child. Because for me, I think that's so vitally important to create those moments. Very difficult when your kids are teenagers, because they don't really want to be around you. They want to be with their friends or lock themselves in their room and only come down. For when they starving. Um, you know, how important are those pockets of communication time when everybody's feeling in a good space? Yeah. So what I would say to that is to realize, well, first and foremost, setting boundaries is important. So having that conversation with your child of like, Okay. And being open and honest about your feelings as a parent. I think a lot of times parents sort of like hide their feelings from their kids because I want to seem like I'm strong and I need to be this strong person for them so that they feel like they can rely and trust. Trust me, right? When really I guarantee that if you get vulnerable and you're willing to cry in front of your kids, you're willing to share your deepest feelings with them. It's going to allow them to share their deepest feelings with you and feel more comfortable, which is going to create a deeper connection. So if you can express to your child, Hey, listen, Mary, right? Like it's obvious that, you know, dad and I are now divorced and you know, it's just, when you're with me. It's just me. And so explain to them, like, I feel some, like, I don't like feeling like the bad cop, but also as a parent, it's my duty to make sure that you're safe and whatever. So like let's create some boundaries. Right. And let them know, like if they cross a boundary or if they, if they upset you. Talk to them be like, Hey, can I talk to you for a moment, get permission from them and then share vulnerably, listen, you did this. And this is how I felt. Not from a place of blame, right? But you can be accountable. I felt this way when you did this and let them know, listen, I'm not blaming you, but I want you to know that when, when you do this, it makes me feel this way. And you can even say, listen, this is a trauma. This is. This is a pattern that I have that's unresolved within me from my past. So just know that, you know, although it's not because of you, it would support me. Right. And then you create that's what creates the connection. When you can create that connection with your child, they're going to want to be around you more. And then once they're in alignment with your boundaries, You're going to have that space now. It's like, Oh, they're going to honor you. And you don't have to be the bad cop. Of course, there's going to be times where they get out of line cause they're kids. Right. And you check them on it. But it's most of the time, you're not going to have that freedom and that space to be able to be with them because they know where you're at and they know where you're standing. And it's important to say, and if this boundary is crossed, like these are the potential consequences, and I would never recommend any physical consequences, but specifically like, Hey, like you're not going to be able to go out with your friends or this, that, and the other, because that's important as well. Um, So, yeah, thanks. That's, that's very, very helpful. Um, another thing I wanted to ask you is, um, with your courses that you offer, you obviously do a lot of motivational speaking with teenagers and so on. Um, What, um, what do you think is the key to lift someone up from a dark hole when they a teenager and they are so depressed, they may be self-harming and they feel lost and they don't see any, um, why else, what would you say to anybody listening that has a child that's really battling with their mental health? Um, Yeah, that's a great question. Um, I specifically have not dealt with a teen one-on-one, who was at least told me that, uh, something is that serious. However, I have a friend who's experiencing it right now, um, with her son and. Me. I'm just like, get them on the phone with, get on the phone, me like, um, cause I just feel that I can help and support any and everybody, is that realistic? No, of course not. However that's how like, uh, confident I feel about it and I'm how passionate I am about it. Um, number one, I would, I always like to just, I mean, connection is. Is the key, like getting to down to their level and really just letting them know number one, they're not alone. Right. Other people have gone through this, relate to them, tell them about your struggles. You're not, maybe they're cutting themselves and you've never done that, but you can relate to something else where you can. Once they see that you're also human and it's not just them. Right. Because typically what's happening in their mind is like, this is just me. I'm the weird one. I'm the mess up one. Or like life is too overwhelming. I don't, I don't have a solution. Number two is, and I forget where I heard or read this, but they say that because you're still here, right. Most of the time. So we can educate them about like, it's your mind. That's not you. So separating yourself from your thoughts, your thoughts, and distancing and being the observer of them, and then realizing. Wow. Although like my thoughts do consume me often. I still am in control. Why? Because I'm still here on this earth because if you lost complete control, you wouldn't be right. So it's like letting them know, like you do have power because maybe they might say, Oh, I'm powerless. Or I can't do this. Well, obviously you can do something because you're doing this right now. You have the control to be here. You're alive. So then just moving the bar an inch at a time versus trying to get them from cutting to like this, you know, whatever the next Martin Luther King. And one second, it's not, it's not feasible. So letting them know that. And then the inch by inch is so important to make that progress each and every single day, because our habits are what create. Are I, um, who we are and the results that we, that we, I'm sorry, our habits create the results in our life. Right? So if we want a certain result, you go back to the habits, but if you want to create effective habits, you got to shift your identity. So it's going into like, having them realize that I am not the thoughts. Who, who do you want to be? Right. And then getting them to that space of like, W who's your ideal self before all of this happened? Who were you kind of like in my story. Okay. You still are. That is just your co it's covered up with all these different things. It's like, how can I just continue to Polish the gem until I remember who I am. It's coming back to returning to love who we truly are. Time, um, our teams make really big mistakes. Like we, we do as humans, we've all made mistakes and they get themselves into something and they find it really hard to get past that, which is similar to the previous situation. But I find that teenagers are really hard on themselves. And they find it really difficult to forgive themselves when they've slipped up or made a huge mistake or disappointed their parents. Because I find that often the biggest thing is that disappointment that they feel that they such a disappointment. What, what would you say to a parent that has a child that's really done something really bad and can't get over it. How do you, how do you pick your child up from feeling like they such a disappointment now? And your words seem so pointless because they, they don't believe it. Yeah. So the F the first thing that I would. I would invite them to, to educate their child on, is that nothing is a mistake and everything is an opportunity. Right? So in order for you to be the most successful entrepreneur, to be the star athlete, you mean to tell me you went from zero to this star athlete without ever making a mistake? No, it's impossible. So our mistakes help us to learn and. You know, it, it really all comes back to the connection that we can create with our child. Because if the connection's not there, then they're probably going to be like, whatever mom, you know, I've done it a bunch. And that's also where you can reach out to other people for support, right? Like sign them up for a course, get them involved with a mentor because they're, they're looking for adult advocacy outside of the home. So it's like, who can I. Support them in finding that's going to help them in realizing these things. Um, again, as a parent coming from the space of like, how can I be accountable? Like where, where, where is it? Where am I operating from a parent that's creating and contributing to this again, not from a place of I'm wrong or. Or I'm bad, but it's like, okay, where can I shift? And sometimes that requires getting support because you only know what, you know, you don't know what you don't know. So. In order to discover what you don't know, you have to go to people who do know it. Um, and there was one other thing that I wanted to say, I'm trying to remember, um, Oh, it's a to be motivated. Oh, another thing I was gonna say is, you know, they feel the pressure to not like upset their parents or just the pressure in general that the world is, is, you know, from all the situations in the world is to let them know that there is no pressure to perform. That's actually one of the biggest things as I was doing my research is that teens feel this pressure to perform. They already feel the pressure going from a kid, right? Because you go from a kid who you have no responsibilities at all. To all of a sudden you become a teenager. You're in high school, you know, you have older kids, you're the lowest class. You're getting bullied. You have this responsibility to get good grades. Cause then you have college or you have to learn something because had a career. Then you have to start managing your finances on top of that. If you add the pressure to please your parents, it's just another thing. So it's like as a parent, how can I. How can I relieve that pressure and let them know, like, listen, whatever you do, like do, as long as you're doing your best, like I'm here to support you and supporting them with the things that they do want to do as long as it's not causing them harm, if they want to go and be the next painter. Encourage them to do that, because guess what? It's probably going to change in six months. You have to let you have to let them explore plenty, because what happens if you tell them, Oh, well, painters don't make that much money. They're starving artists, this and that. That's immediately going to put this thought in. Like I CA I'm unable, I'm incapable of doing something. It's going to stunt their creativity and you're operating from a space of, I want to control because this is what I think is right. Right. So it's letting go of that control. And there's four survival contexts that we operate from the need to be, right. The need to be in control. They need to be comfortable slash safe and the need to look good. So anytime you feel yourself operating right. Okay, how can I be accountable? Let me look at one of those four. What place am I acting from? And it's likely one of those. And it's like, okay, how can I shift that? So I can be in a space of, you know, whatever it is you want to bring forth. Is it love? Is it compassion? Is it because ultimately if you want, if you want your child to be happy and successful, then support them in what makes them happy and successful? Not what you think is happy and successful for you. Um, But yeah, relating to the kids, let them know like, Hey, you're not the only one going through it. And really just being on their level is super important. And then getting them a part of a community or a mentor that has also, um, You know, working in the same capacity and that's what I'm committed to creating within my eight week course, I have this group, this safe space and container that we have on an app called Slack. It's similar to a Facebook group, but it's, it's an app. And we all communicate in there. We support each other. Hey, what are some of your wins? Hey, what are some of the things that you're struggling with? What questions do you have throughout the course? And it allows us to be vulnerable with each other. And it also allows the team to step up into their own leadership and support each other. And ultimately my vision is to have these teams. Realize how effective and powerful this work is like I did. And then also give back and be in service to other teams just like them. We need more things like that in the world. We definitely do. We definitely. Yeah. And I can, I can definitely see in the near future supporting and creating a course and a community with parents as well, because I think that just naturally leads into it. And, you know, kids don't have money to spend on a course. So ultimately the parent is going to be involved in some way typically, and they're going to want to know that this course is safe and that who I'm working with, I can trust and, and all of these things. So, um, Yeah. I mean, I know that you support the parent, you support the teen, and if you support the team, then you say you're supporting the parent as well. And, um, yeah, it's, it's no one's responsibility. I always joke around. I'm like about my mom. I'm like, how come I had to be the one to learn this and then teach you. But it doesn't matter because once you, once you remember who you are and you'll have the tools and techniques to read. Come back to who you are. You're going to have that courage, that confidence, that all of that coming from you. And so it's not scary anymore to talk to your mom and to look her in the eye and tell her that you love her and to inspire her to also take on the work and you guys heal together. you know, the other thing is that I think it's important for, to also make sure that your teens understand that the choices they make now don't have to be forever. You know, they can change their mind. They can reinvent themselves so many times in the future. You know, it's not about making a decision now and I'm sticking to that for the rest of your life. For instance, I, I started off, um, doing a teacher's degree, switched to nursing, and now, now I'm a therapist, so, you know, Uh, I find a lot of the teenagers with the pressures like you were talking earlier. I was so pressured to decide when they do their subject choices or when they're going to college and what are you going to be one day? And they can't decide what makes them feel inadequate hundred percent. If you don't know who you are internally, how can you know what you want to externally? That's why we're always going from job to job, to job. So again, going back to, if we. Can get this, ER, as we get this work to the teens earlier and you know, four or five, six years old, there's so certain with who they are inside. Yeah. They might go from here to there. Oh, I'm going to try this. I want to try this, but they do it in confidence. So whatever they do, they're going to be successful. So we don't have to worry and doubt. Are they going to. Do well, are they not, should I tell them to go into this? Should I tell them not to go in that they'll know on their own, as a parent, our job is to raise them and to be safe, to, to be safe and to support them and be successful, you know, not to control, not to, you know, worry. We shouldn't have to worry. And I know that we're in a time right now, where there's a bunch of stuff going on where it's like, worry, worry, worry, worry. And this is the opportunity for us to actually break through that because we've been worrying for years, all that the news shows his fear and worry. So as we can break through and be like, no, I'm safe. I'm whole, I'm complete. And. We are as when we come together at community and as I heal myself internally, Our immune system is we're all powerful as beings. So we don't need anything outside of us, in my opinion, you know, that only just enhances it. So I think this is a great opportunity to step into. A new paradigm, a new way of thinking as a community, as a society and the new earth, right. As Eckerd totally talks about in his new book, it's here. And we might have to go through some turmoil, but this is, this is part of it. Um, I kind of went off a little bit, but I wanted to come back to what you were talking about. Oh yeah. So to have to have the thought of, as a teen, like, Oh, I did this in the past. It's like, what? As human beings in general, even for parents, we identify as soon as we do something from the past, it's like, Oh, I did this. That means I am this forever, but that means I'm I'm. I made this mistake. It's like, I'm a mess up. I'm a bad parent forever. And it's not true. It's not true. You are who you are in the present moment. That's the only real moment. And for you to be able to create a new future for yourself, a new identity, you must be willing to let go of the past because if we keep it. If we keep thinking about the past, we're keeping those thoughts going in our head, even if it's subconsciously and then what do we do? We bring the subconscious thoughts into the present moment and we just recreate our past. So how do I create a new future is to be present in the moment and actually to think new thoughts that are, and visualize new thoughts that are in alignment with what I want to create. So that's another great tool for a parent is like, Stop thinking about what you don't want. Oh, I don't want my kid to be this, this and this. I don't want to do this anymore as a parent. No. Like what do you want to create and visualize feel it in your body. And feel it like the day that your kid comes up to you and says, I love you again, the day that this happens and feel it in your body, that's how you create, that's the magic and the superpower that we have that is not taught to us and should be taught to us. And I'll just leave it at that. That's so true. You know, it all boils down to the fact that we live in a, a thought created reality. And, um, you know, we have to always be kind. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think, um, gosh, that was a brilliant discussion. And thank you so, so much, Andrew for joining me, it's been an absolute pleasure. So much has been said that I think, um, anyone out there listening is going to really find value, um, to it. And I just want to say that I'm going to add the link to your course. If anybody's interested, I can just look that up. Perfect. I do want to add something just in case, cause I know people like to leave as the ending comes. Um, I do want to add this. Anyone who's listening to your podcast right now, I'm going to put a special promotion link. For all of you for 80% off the course for any, any parent who has a team that they would like to be a part of this course. And you know, if, again, asking permission, talking to your teen about, you know, what are they discovering, what their pain points are, what their struggles are and what they, what they want for themselves and their future. And then, and then saying, Hey, if I. This is the simplest way to support somebody into getting what they want. Hey, if I told you that I had a potential solution for you, Mary, would you be, would you be interested in learning more? And if she's like, yeah, I would love to. Yeah, of course. I want to, of course I want to create what I just said that I want, of course I want to break through what I just said that I'm struggling with. And once they say that, be like, okay, awesome. I'd love to connect you on a call with Andrew and we can get on a call and we can talk about with you and your team about, or even just your team. Because sometimes the team doesn't want to share deep, like deeper details with the parent there and I can discuss with them, Hey, what are you struggling with? What do you need support with? And then letting them know if I think the course is a fit for them to get what they say, what they want in their life. So yeah, 80% off. Um, they can reach out to you. They can reach out. I can reach out to you. They can reach out to me since I'm tagged in the video again, uh, on Instagram, I elevate with Andrew and, uh, message me. We can get on a call discovery call. And from there, if you're interested, I'll give you the promo code. So that brings us to the end of the 20th episode of the waves of clarity. I hope you enjoyed listening to Andrew's passion about children and what he does and his whole ethic Grady about and his ethos about what he does is really inspiring. And without trying to sound like too much of a cliche, I'd like to say, remember, it's okay. Not to be okay. You don't have to hide your emotions. If you're struggling with your own mental health and feeling a lack of motivation, then talk to somebody it's so important. And that is the first step. In feeling better. And as you've probably picked up by now, I really love my quotes. So I'm going to read you a quote today and hopefully this will be able to inspire you to keep on going. The quote is by Charles F Kettering. And it says keep ongoing. And the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. So keep on everyone. You might just stumble on something extraordinary