About

Tracy speaks to Gayleen Hodson, a blogger and parent, on coping with family life in lockdown and strategies to deal with the challenges. Gayleen can be found at //www.hodsonwritingservices.co.uk For help with any issues raised in this podcast, or for a free initial consultation, contact Tracy: Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/ Website: www.tracykimberg.com My name is Tracy Kimberg. I'm a happy teenager and a healthy relationship therapist. I help teenagers and adults become happier by helping them tune into self-awareness by being open and honest with great communication skills, being emotionally mature, learning, active listening. And of course, Understanding that love happens when you love yourself. First loving yourself leads to happiness, healthy, and successful relationships. This week. My guest is Gaylene. Hudson Kayleen is a business woman. She's a copyright and virtual assistant. She also is a mum and a wife. And amongst all this Gaylene has recently had to juggle being a teacher. As you know, homeschooling has happened overnight and we are all trying to master this new job that we've acquired without even having an interview. Last week's episode had a really successful feedback. So many of you. Got in touch and say, thank you for touching on this very sensitive subject, teenagers and drugs and what you can do if your child is involved in drugs, please, if you do still have anyone that this might be helpful for, then share the link to these podcasts. There's so much information that can be helpful for you and for your children. Or people that you might know. And as I always say, if anything resonates with you that you hear in this episode today, then please get ahold of me and we can discuss it. I offer 30 minutes free consultation where we can and find out what it is that you would like to change. And if you are suitable for one of my programs that can help you make the changes. That you need to make in order to live the life you deserve. I guess today is Gaylene. Hudson. Just introduce yourself. Okay. So hi, I'm Gaylene Hudson. Um, yeah, I'm a freelance copywriter. Um, I'm also a mother of two little boys, so they're eight and six, um, keeping very busy. Um, I'm also a wife and, um, yeah, that's me in a nutshell. It's my, my roles. Should I say. I've had my own mental health journey in the past. So, you know, and I think it's really important to carry on working on that. Um, what makes me tick? I mean, COVID has made me take over the last year, it's pushed on so many different boundaries and different levels is unreal. Um, but yeah, what makes me thrive is actually really taking care of yourself and. Yeah. Knowing how, when is it important to work on yourself, um, and address issues? Well, that really says that you've done a lot of self-awareness work Gaylene, and that you allow you are able to tune into yourself, but, um, You know, you were talking about your roles. You are mother, you are wife, phew, a business woman, and you are now all of a sudden a school teacher. How does that impacts you and how have you managed in this whole year? That it's been an absolute, um, crazy whirlwind here. How have you managed to keep your mental health intact with all these different roles that have. Had their demands on you? Well, I can say it's not been easy. Um, and it continues every day to be a challenge, but I think that's kind of what you have to, I mean, we think it's been a year, but if we had last year, if we had sat and go, right, this is going to go on for a year and we're going to have to juggle all of this. We would have crumbled on day one. And so you have to break it down into chunks and literally I take it one day. At a time now, because if you think too far in the future, it can overwhelm you and it can panic you, especially when you've got to juggle so many different demands on a day-to-day basis. Um, I have found it really hard and there's been days where, I mean, thankfully not too frequently. Um, but there have been days where I've just sat and cried because you just cry and you, you almost more than fat, normal life that we used to have. And, um, I, I took it for granted, but I suppose you never really realized that a pandemic was going to suddenly hit you and you would have all of this to juggle. Um, so yeah, I, you know, I have to be kind to myself and break, just break it all down. Um, definitely. And just know when to. Take a break, which I'm rubbish at doing, but actually I'm getting better at that. As I realized, I cannot simply be everything to everyone anymore. Um, so you just have to take a pause, take a breather, take a break, and be kind to yourself, realize that this isn't normal. We shouldn't be juggling so much. Um, and that it's where we're all in very different boats and situations, but. None of us are experiencing life as it should be right now. So we just need to be kinder on ourselves. Um, and not challenge ourselves to, to, to take on everything in one go. No, it's impossible. And as soon as you start being so. Um, almost perfectionistic on wanting to do everything perfect. That is when you know, you start judging yourself because it's impossible to do it all perfectly. We have to be in perfectly perfect in this situation, you know? Um, how did you, um, find a sense of making things normal? What, what do you think your magic recipe is, um, to have survived this, um, year of chaos? What, what, what's your, what do you think you did that made a difference? Or where was your turning point where you decided right. I'm going to take it day by day. Um, do you know what very early on I, so in the first selection, one of my personal challenges has always been that I don't like change and I don't like not being in control. And obviously what COVID has brought is a whole heap of not being in control. No one feels like they are in control right now. No one, no one has that. And there's a lot of change. That was constantly happening in the first locked down. I mean, all of a sudden the school shut that was unheard of. And you were, you were in a dock down and everything went online. I mean, I work from home anyway, but all the networking went online and I. Literally all around me, you could see was change happening. And I panicked. And I remember in that very first lockdown, I remember crying for a couple of weeks solid because I really don't like change. And I don't like things happening isn't in my control. And so, but early on, I had to reframe my thoughts and I had to establish what I could control. What I couldn't control and just take it day at a time. Um, and there were better days, you know, the summer, it felt a little bit more normal. Um, And, and then since then, I mean, we've had no control. We've been put into tears and the locked islands and shut again. And I genuinely didn't think we would be here homeschooling again, after the first time I remember saying in September, like when the schools went by, Oh, at least one after homeschool ever again, like that was horrible. I never want to do that again. And here we are humans like doing the same thing. So, um, I try and. Keep a sense of normality in the home still. Um, so for example, we've always had a movie night or Saturday night TV night with popcorn and sweets with the boys. So we still do that. You know, we still try and have a little things like that, that feel like part of our routine. Um, so we still try and do. Small things that we can can do. And I, and that's the whole sense what, what you can control and what you can't being, the teacher, your children's teacher for the first time ever. Um, how has that changed the role of, um, and the relationship between you and your children? How old are your children? Let's first get that out of the way. Sorry, is he's eight and a half. Um, he's, he's suddenly very grown up like. He's not a little kid anymore. He has, he has his own mind. He has his own direction now. Um, and Dylan, he's my youngest. He's going to be seven next month. So they're quite close in age actually. But, um, So how's the role changed? Um, because all of a sudden, um, I can remember when, when my children they're older than your children, but when your children are at school, you know, they have that saying that my teachers, everything, my teacher says is gold. Um, teacher says, this teacher says that, but they don't have that anymore. Our children. So. And now all of a sudden you, um, are your children's teacher and you know, you have to almost have a double role in that sense, a mum and a teacher. Do you try and make it one role or do you keep them separate? I, yeah. I have been honest with my kids from the get-go though. I I'm obviously not a teacher. I can not teach them in the same way a teacher can. Um, and it became very apparent that they don't listen or respect me. Like they probably would a teacher, so they will. Scream at the table and just like, I don't want to do this. And then I'd be like, do you sit in your classroom and scream that at your teacher? Because that's what you do to me. And do you have a choice at school to do this or not? I like, um, it's been hard cause they, they actually don't listen to me. Like they probably would their teachers and why they're quite young. Um, They do still have that. Like they do kind of look up to the teachers. And if I say right, I'm going to message your teacher. Now I'm going to tell her that you're screaming at me that you're not doing your work. They're like, no, no, please don't please. Don't all do it now. So, you know, I have to stay as, as mom, primarily. And, um, yeah, the first, the first look, Sean, I actually was doing more of an effort. Um, Because I just, I don't know it was new. It was different. And. You were trying to be perfect, probably. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so, you know, we were on bite size. We were doing all the lessons on bite size. We were an extractive teas. We're doing loads of crafts. We were achieving so much for doing science experiments. I really went to town and the first one, and then it started again in this January and I was like, no, I cannot put myself through all of that again. And actually there being. Demanded more from the school right now. Like they have got deadlines. We have deadlines every day for my eldest. You know, we have to hand the work in by five o'clock or it comes up with the little red things saying miss. Um, so we have to be more on the ball now than we were. Um, but I'm making less effort out. Like my, my youngest, he hates drawing. And it seems like every project at the minute is draw a picture or draw a poster and he sits there and he goes, I hate drawing mummy. So I say, just, just do your best. I mean, his post has been very questionable, but he's done a very rough attempted it and I've just gone. Right? You've done it well done. Let's take a picture and hand it in because for me, I, I didn't like where it took us in the first lockdown. You know, we went down that road of, they weren't respecting me. We were arguing a lot more. The fun of the family had gone and. It was horrible. We should never be in that situation with our children to be, you know, almost resented that they were resentful of me making them sit down and do all this work. And I was resentful. I was having to teach them all this work when I have so much other stuff I was juggling. So the summer holidays came around and we had fun. Again, they went back to school and we were. We were a nice family unit again until January. And I thought, no, I don't want this to affect my, my relationship with my kids anymore. Don't get me wrong. We have days where we're like, come on, you need to get work done. Just try your best. Um, but I don't want to go down that route of, you know, making it a horrible experience anymore. Yeah, that's, that's amazing. I think, I think it's really good advice, you know, just do, just do what you can and let them do what you can, you know, we all very, um, inclined to try and be this perfect parent. Um, and you want to the teacher to think, well, she's, she's doing a lot of effort, but it doesn't really matter. This is as you know, the child does their best. That's good enough. And you know, in that way there's a better relationship. Yeah. I don't think that's it. Can you, like, I don't know. I don't want to be in a horrible home setting for however long we're going to be in this lockdown for, um, I know their standard of work is not up to the standard they were having before the Christmas holidays. They, they actually really caught up really well. Last time they're doing really well. I know their standard work is not up to that point anymore, but they're not in school. The not in that they're at home where home is meant to be safe. It's meant to be fun. It's meant to be, you know, that space. Um, so they do what they can and. They, you know, my oldest, he loves being crafty. He is always making something or drawing something. He's made his own board game lately and he will crack on for hours and do things that he wanted to typewriter for his last birthday. So the other day he had his typewriter out and he was writing a story. And that's what I was saying. You need to sit there and you need to do something like this. That's his choice. To go and do something like that. And so they're being creative and they're learning in their own unique ways. And I think, yeah, sometimes you need to recognize that and go, do you know what they will catch up in school again? Um, they may not be producing amazing work like the other kids are right now, but they're also happy at home. And I think that's the most important thing it is. And you know, what. I don't think the other kids are producing. Um, that's much better work than anybody. I think everybody's doing the best they can. And you know, you don't have to even compare your children to what you think other people are doing. They are doing the best I can. And that's that's really good enough. Tell me Gaylene, how has this whole, um, changed shifting your house with new, um, all the new roles affected the relationship with you and your partner. Again, there have been moments of. Of stress of challenge. And I think where we are just, this is, this has been our, you know, our main company for the last year. We're not used to that. We're used to, you know, seeing our friends and our other family and having that sort of space. And, um, whereas every day's like Groundhog day is now, and that's the company, that's the person you're talking to the most. So I think naturally there are moments where you're just buying heads and spike. Um, but you know, we've got quite a good relationship and isn't the week we do bicker or hold my hand up high, we'd better, but we also laugh about it as well. So when it gets to a point in the backroom where it's just, it just, you have to laugh. I think that's really healthy in a relationship to, to laugh and be able to meet like, actually. Um, yeah, I'm not being my best self right now. I am grumpy, um, and laugh it off and admit when you're wrong. Um, that does help. But yeah, there are challenges, especially with homeschooling and. And, you know, I'm obviously really busy with work and he's busy with his work and we're both busy trying to, we're trying to do a bit of a rotation with the kids. So we're not the sole person every day. So, you know, half the week I do the other half, we're trying to share out responsibilities and duties, but there's been moments where I've caught him watching films in the kitchen with his headphones in I'm their stress of tribals. And I'm just like, What he's doing. I never get to do that. You know, there, there are moments of, I guess, resentment a little bit, when you just go, Oh, I could do that for you. I could switch off that easy and just shut myself away and ignored and ignore what needs doing. But you know, then we'll talk about it after, cause that's what you need to do. Um, And he'll go. Yeah, you're right. I probably should have been helping you a bit more than watching the film and I'm like, you can watch the film after by all means, but if you can help them or it starts meeting so stressed and, and then it's just a nicer environment for, so, um, So I think instead of letting that resentment build up, it's really important to talk about it and go, actually, I don't like it when you do this, because I'm feeling really stressed and you're not actually really helping me right now. So yeah. Laugh about it. Yeah. Communication and a sense of humor. Isn't it. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. Yeah. Gaylene when it comes to your work. You obviously arise. You do a lot of blogging and content writing for people. Um, have you noticed a definite shift in topic and, um, in what people are wanting to hear about in the last year? Tell us about that. I mean, it's, there's been absent flows of. Changing. And, um, so to begin with, it was very important to cover the COVID, the pandemic, all of that in a topic. And then it got to like the summer and people would just didn't want to hear about it. They didn't want to hear about it. So we had to make sure we, nothing said COVID anywhere, because at that point, I think people really hopeful that within the past, we're just going to move on and let's just not talk about it anymore. And then mental health has played a huge role. Um, you know, Across the board. Um, so whether that's HR clients, or even, even it clients, they want to focus on the mental health side of it, about people pulling together and being in unity to get through things. Um, and then obviously over Christmas coming into the new year COVID needed to be spoken about again. Um, and again, now we're focused on topics that shift away from that. Very people, people focused because I think in the last year we've been the most divided, the most distance we've ever been from each other. And it's really important where you can to try and pull people together and still be a weak. Cause I think. There's a lot of mixed feelings with everybody all over the world right now. And people can resent each other over different situations that they're in and that kind of things. That's really important to try and think about mental health. Think about people's different situations and pull it all together. What do you think the, um, are all really great tips for people in the second pandemic situation that we've no in also actually isn't it it's actually, well, let's, let's make it three, because I say things happens in, uh, things happen in threes. So that's what I like to call it. The third one, because hopefully that's the end then this third one. What do you think? Um, People can really. Implementing their own lives to help them be, um, better at coping because it's okay not to cope. Isn't it? We don't, we all have days where we can't cope where you just feel, you know, you've had enough you basically up to here with it and you're just, just want to, you're bored with it basically. So what do you think we can do? What, what do you think are the tips that we can do? Do you know, there was this picture then that went round, um, Right at the beginning of this lockdown. Um, and it was as of a mum taken off a superhero Cape, and she was saying, you know, like in the last, in the first lockdown, people were trying to like, you know, superwoman, they were trying to juggle everything. They're trying to do everything. And this, this little image that went round, it said, you know, I'm taking my Cape off because I'm not super Mormon. I can't do it. And then everybody joined and said, me too. And so that was shared a lot because. There's this unison of let's not even try and struggle anymore. You know, let's just admit that this is challenging. We're not okay. Um, and what can we do about us? So for me, I talked to my friends regularly, you know, I can't see them in person, but I do zooms or FaceTimes with them, or, um, so one of my best friend's birthday last week, we got a glass of wine and sat on zoom and, and still had a really nice time. You know, it was, it's not the same, but it was good enough. Um, and little things like that really. Perky decks. You think? Cool. Tonight? I get to see my friend soon. I mean, but you know, it was nice. It was really nice. So I make sure I keep in touch with people because it's easy to shut yourself off. Um, really easy. Um, But it's really important to still connect with people, you know, call a friend, texts them, arrange of FaceTime or zoom one evening. Um, take it a day at a time. And if you're struggling to do everything, just stop doing everything and focus on the one thing that's important that day to get done. So most of the time I've got obviously work projects each day, I have to focus on two work projects. I want like half to get done. If I don't get the rest done. You know, that's fine. I have to take one day at home. Just focus on what needs doing self care. Um, so I do something for myself every day that takes. Roughly around 15 minutes a day. And it changes each day. What I choose, it could be reading a book for 15 minutes before bed, um, painting my nails. I like doing that. So sit there and, um, having a bath or putting a little face mask on, you know, something I like baking as well. So on the weekend I baked. So just something very small to give you, give yourself that little boost and refill your cup. Um, And yeah, just keep the communication open and try and have a bit of routine still. Um, so on the weekends, I do have a little bit of a lay in, and I have a bathroom, one of the mornings and we do the movie night. I think having that routine, you kind of know where you are in the week. Whereas, you know, when I've called my mum before, she's been like, I don't even know what day, what day is. Um, and so I'm kind of thankful for work in the kids because. Yeah, that must feel horrible. Not even know what day you've woken up on. Um, so that's why I try and keep a bit of routine going. Um, I think that's really important, I think was a future Gaylene when your kids are obviously growing up that they not very, they're not, and they've got another couple of years ago before they hit the teen years. Yeah. But, um, you know, I often sit in, I wonder what the impact of this last year is going to be on the children in the future. My youngest is turning 16 soon. I don't know what the impact's going to be on her future because I mean, they skipped their GCSE exams and yeah, I think in a way, I think that's going to teach them to be more independent academically and to be self-reliant, but better than what. The previous, um, um, you know, years of children were, but for you that has these children that are eight, nine heading for teens. How do you think. It's going to impact your children when they hit teenage years when they've, um, and the stuff that's going on for teenagers now, like drug abuse and bullying and teenagers suffer from anxiety and mental health every day, we hear about it in the news. How do you think it's going to impact your children? I guess a worry of mine. Um, You know, having suffered with anxiety before myself, I think a huge worry for me is that we've been so cut off from the world. You know, what impact will this have on social anxiety going forward? You know, when they're teenagers or even the next year or two, you know, this social skills is, is so important and it's learned very young and. They've not really had much contact with people. And, you know, I think if babies and toddlers and, you know, are they going to get really about separation anxiety going back, you know, when they grow up and go to school and that kind of thing. So I think that's a huge worry for me. The social anxiety, like I have felt I've had anxiety and I've had social anxiety before and I felt, Oh my goodness. Um, Is that going to be something that they have to deal with now, because, because of this impact, um, I mean, I'm really thankful that my two they're at a good age, they've been really resilient throughout all of this and they do get ordered and they get frustrated and they go, you know, when can we go to a zoo or, Oh, next week, can we go to Alton towers? And I'm like, No is not open and they, they didn't quite understand things at the minute. So I'm kind of hoping that, you know, between the first lockdown and here they bounced back so quick and they were, they were happy again. I do have a fear that the longer it goes on, the harder is to bounce back. Um, and yeah, I think, I don't know. I mean, being become then becoming a teenager is a scary thing in itself because the world has changed over the years. There's a lot more social pressure. Um, social media as well is a huge thing that I, I mean, when I was a teenager, social media was just coming into its own. You know, there was my space and Facebook launched when I was in high school. And so I was kind of there when it, but I wasn't in the midst of it. Like there are people out there, unfortunately that lived their life through social media, you know, how many likes you get means everything to them. And I think it's. It can be really unhealthy and you need to have healthy boundaries with social media. I'm not saying don't use it because it can be good, but to know how she's it. And hopefully, because I'm aware of that, I can lead them and guide them with that. Um, but yeah, there's loads more social pressure. I mean, my oldest is going to middle school in September, me and my husband. We're literally saying last night, he's going to have to walk a little bit on his own. We to get him a phone. I don't remember having a photo age, but for safety reasons, he probably needs a phone to be able to walk a little bit. I might know. He's not, he shouldn't be old enough for a family. He's not gonna have social media on there, obviously, but it's just scary how quick they're growing up these days. It is, it is a worry, but I think if we all, as parents, just remember that the key is to have a good relationship, open relationship where you can both trust. Um, so your child needs to trust you and you need to trust your child so that there's an open communication, open communication, where they can feel. Yes. Yeah, this has happened, but I can talk to my mom. I can talk to my dad and I'm not going to, you know, yes. They might be in trouble. They, we might get angry, but they can still come to us. Yeah. Um, I find it very, very difficult with, um, my daughter, that's the turning 16 year old, 16 turning 25, you know? Um, and you have to really, when a crisis arises, you really have to be so. In touch with your own self so that you don't overreact so that you don't jump into, um, fast-forward mode and do, and say things that might even damage the situation more. And it's just the same as, as with toddlers and each age, age group for, they all have their own crisises, you know? So I think. If you, as a parent lay the foundation and Nike say, um, you know, teach them about social media, show them about the dangers in social media, even from now on you can, you can start educating them. And when they are teenagers, they are aware you can't please your children, you can't follow them around. Unfortunately, or fortunately, because we're probably all, you know, be shocked to death if we knew what happened behind the scenes. But I mean, I, wasn't going to say innocent when I was a teenager. Either you all push the boundaries, you take chances. Um, but yeah, I feel sorry for the teenagers, the pressures are on, and there's so many things that learn them. That you know, it's important that they have parents to rely on. So, um, in a nutshell, you said that you've had your own mental health journey. I know you have a mental health blog that I read. I really enjoy reading your blogs. They really good. When you look back at yourself, say 10 years ago, and you look at yourself now. And, um, what would you say to your younger self when you were that age? When you felt very overwhelmed and you didn't know how you were going to reach the future, and now look at you, you are a successful business woman, your mama. Two beautiful boys. You married, you, you seem like you've got your, your, um, stuff together and that you in a pretty good space. What would you say to that younger self of yours? I mean, it's hard because I think I would never paint now all those years ago, never. And certainly when I was really struggling with my anxiety, it was hard to even. You just feel like you're in this dark hole of like, what, what will life look like? I'm doomed. Like this is just, what's there to look forward to. Um, I just wish I could go back and give him a deliver of hope that it's not all doom and gloom that you. I think the most important thing is to look after yourself and work on yourself, like, and see how you know, that was the best thing I did. I S I sought help. Um, and I still even now read up on mental health and mindfulness books and self-esteem books. And when you come out with something it's not, you're not forever cured. You have to really put the work in and you have to grow your mindset. So I think, yeah, I would tell myself that there is hope and to work on yourself, um, and, and to not start developing, because I think that's the key. That's been the key for me. Um, But yeah, life is full of ups and downs and there's probably going to be a few more ups and downs, but I think to just, yeah, just don't give up and just try your absolute best and breaking things down. Again really helps. You know, we don't need to think about next month or a year's time. Just, just think about what you can do for yourself tomorrow and today. Um, and that all builds up. I always say that. When you, when you're in, um, your comfort zone, you feel comfortable, but when you're out of your comfort zone, it's not a sign that you need to turn back. It's actually a sign that you need to push forward. Yeah. Because once you've pushed forward, guess what? You're in a new comfort zone and then you'd keep going forward. And yes, it starts feeling uncomfortable. But only for a while until you've pushed through it. And then, well, now I'm in my new comfort zone. Um, and that's the thing with, um, with life really it's about keep pushing forward and not giving up and turning back. Yeah. And I think I've learned that over the years there's been. There's been situations I've not wanted to do. There's some things I've been really nervous about doing, and I've just gone. I've learned to say yes and think about it afterwards. Basically, you know, don't overthink something before, because you end up getting yourself really workshop and you, you stop yourself from doing it. So I've learned to just take on opportunities, not think about it until you're in the moment and you're doing it because, um, you know, like I've helped host networking events, which. If you had told me even a year ago, I mean, I was nervous about going to network in a year ago. The fact that Noah, I helped host an event. Um, I don't remember agreeing to that. And I remember coming home and just going, I can't believe I've agreed to do that. Like, you know, a year ago I wouldn't even go to an event. I would do it. I mean, the fact that it's online has helped a little bit, but you know, I just. I committed to it and now I do it twice a month and it's not scary anymore. It's just like, Oh yeah, I've got that on today. I think like you say, that's pushing yourself out your comfort zone until it, it becomes normal. Um, and I can look back and go. I'm glad I did that. I'm glad I said yes. And didn't pay it. Yeah. And look at you now. Isn't it. Look at you. Look, you can stand back, look at yourself in the mirror and say, well done, you did it. Yeah, well, that's been, um, I've really enjoyed, um, this discussion. It's really been very interesting. And just listening to you, it's taken me back to when I had smaller children, um, and believe you me, the time flies before, you know it, they are out the house or nearly out of school, so enjoy those days. And when they still, um, are, um, bendable, you know, Um, and just keep in mind that you are not your, um, mother. . And your children, aren't you. And you know, we always, I sometimes hear my mom's voice in my, uh, coming off my mouth when we're not talking to my children. And I think, Oh my God, I just sounded just like my mum. Um, but we need to really understand that our children on their own unique human beings and, um, they, we, they will make their own mistakes. They will learn. In their own way, the way they need to learn, we just say, um, to guide them and, um, to be there when they need us.