Comedy
Listen Up! Iiiiiiit's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet to ask [Netflix's [Renée Zellwegger's]] HWHATIF we recorded a podcast about Revenge like every six months give or take. So that's what we're here to do! Or, to be accurate, that's what we did on, according to my reference notes, Saturday, June 15th and we're just releasing it now. Wow, do I need a better laptop or *what* this noise cancelation takes FOREVER!! So, Game of Thrones. Haha, just kidding! What's happening in the Hamptons? Well, just like in real life, noted industrialists who are poisoning the environment and inflicting countless chronic conditions on the most vulnerable among us are being sternly censured and sometimes even jailed for their crimes! Haha, just kidding!(x2) They're receiving awards from green energy foundations (just like in real life). Enter stage or (DERBY!) left, noted billionaire poisoner, Luke Gilliam, whomst we discover is really just an SVU-style ripped-from-the-headlines version of this weird turtle man Graz is obsessed with. Who was that?? Didn't catch the name. But be careful out there, Mr Gilliam, because the Ecological Alliance Front just might make your NEXT pretend swig of hazardous chemicals your LAST one. :3c And also by the way Jack still has a bone to pick with the ultimate culprit of his young brother Declán's death (in a leather jacket)--THE PLANET EARTH. Blah blah blah, something something something Javier (in a leather jacket). We're treated to a full frontal of an AI clone that somehow knows what shoes you wanna buy and all you have to do is scan your brain and presumably get photographed by that absurd camera rig from the matrix. Yeah, okay. Gross violations of privacy aside I'm definitely convinced that Javier can pull this technology off, given this was written circa the shitty Tupac hologram and years before Alexa would ask us "I didn't catch that, did you ask me to search for DragonForged Dildo Sales" NO ALEXA. I ASKED YOU TO SERACH FOR DRAGONFORCE DILDO SALES. Hey remember that song?? It came out around this time, maybe! Or several years before. But in the timeliness of Revenge (and Revengecast!), all things are worth waiting for. And thus, Emily has made a pact to experience no contemporaneous speed metal until her father is avenged. Which is too bad because Javier has a minidisc mix that he'd really like to share with her--which is what I WOULD say, if I remembered if those two characters had ever interacted with one another. Meanwhile, on the other side of the FOOD WASTE, Aiden is throwing Nolan's thoughtful gifts in the trash because god dammit it's a stakeout not a SHWARMAout and anyway who is that attractive and well-stacked lady? Why, it's presumed-dead journalist Oscár ChapMan, currently living her best life as Brenda(á). Wow, taking billionaires to task AND shattering gender expression, all in 2013? Guys, was Revenge actually secretly woke???? Topics for Consideration: Hickenlooper?!!? Harry Potter Zombie Compass Dick Fixed Perspective Camera Fetishes Baby Mini V THE BLACK SHARPIE Target Status: THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! Also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment. gabba gabba GET IT