Arts
Welcome to episode 18 of njs warm mug of phantom poetry if you new the podcast I'm NJ Saroff a Also known as the phantom poet on SoundCloud This podcast best enjoyed a cup of tea and today's tea is Today's poems are what someone would put on my tombstone, letters to your Shadow, where wind would take me and human And the poem of the week is there is no greater crime than leaving by Bertolt brecht What someone else would put on your tombstone Here lies Natalie my full name would be printed on my tombstone I would not be able to make a correction or fix any of the gendered words used on to it it would say she lies here or she lived a good life She was a writer she was everything at the same time she was nothing she wanted to be she was a daughter, she was an actress, she was absolutely nothing she she she I was not a she when I died I want to be the he, the they, I want people to respect the gender that I I found myself in I want the name NJ printed on my stone I know that's a lot to ask for I know that Natalie is the name they wanted I know that Natalie has meaning but I don't connect with Natalie it's like we're two different people in the room one is called NJ, the other called Natalie, NJ is demiboy or non-binary Natalie is girl we aren't friends we would walk by each other in the hallway and ignore the other We do know that the other exists and that some people prefer one over the other and that some wish that one would just go away and die To die nameless to disappear and not bother any more to correct people on pronouns or names or the gender identity How you say daughter instead of child mother instead of parent gurl instead of pal sometimes I wish I was nameless formless non existent then they would have nothing to get wrong But I exist so please just listen before you put me in the ground and move on Letter to your shadow Dear shadow Shall I call you my dark twin Surely you are not evil You are simply a reflection You take on my form, my outline Magnify and shrink it You desire the light though you aren't seen in the night You are my longest and oldest friend every time I've been alone not in darkness but in the light that shines you have found me and in a way almost held me you do not speak But maybe you do not need to You do listen better than I do I've always wondered what's it like on the other side for you to always follow to never go your own to create their outline instead of your own I wonder if you miss me the way I miss you when it is too dark or when I am under shade I wonder if you think of me in those times when I am away I wonder if you wait for the light wait for the sun, smile at its arrival or if you don't want to be seen you want to hide if you want to remain invisible dearest Shadow you are my oldest and longest friend You have seen me through everything You know all my secrets I don't know if you wanted to but you do and now forever it will be just us two I have vivid dreams my thoughts paint images of days and weeks that stretch on in 2 years my memories I fall asleep the colorful visions of old times I called myself an artist yet I seem to only produce my best work in my head never fully able to put it out on the paper with brush or pen a dream of my masterpiece the words flowing so quickly the brush not shaking in my hand I tremble at the thought of making something beautiful it's not that I don't think I'm beautiful I do think I'm beautiful but there's something mystical about art shape its words how do we humans feel worthy enough to make it why do we feel the need to capture all the moments around us I call myself a writer I call myself an artist call myself a playwright I call myself a poet I call myself human and I think that's the only phrase that best describes me Where I'd like the wind to take me Back to the days of my youth Back to when I was closeted Back to when I claimed silence to be my one true friend Back to dating simply so I could --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app