Lachlan was born with a vagina. His is the story of how a boy learned to be a girl, then learned to be invisible, then a lesbian, before learning that he could just be who he was all along, except that it’s still … complicated.   In this super-sized episode…   Lachlan is a 41-year-old transgender man. He describes himself as white, straight-ish, monogamish and single. He describes his body as a round, cuddly bear.   Bookmark moments:   <ul> <li>6:33 - Lachlan shares the complications around early sexual desire for him, because he knew he was attracted to other little girls.</li> <li>11:11 - Lachlan’s parents don’t pressure him to gender conform as a kid, though trans isn’t a known thing back then. Until, a birthday party. He learns about “passing” and blouses, and struggles through his teens.</li> <li>18:21 - He talks about his rich fantasy life as a teen, in which he is a tall handsome football-playing penis-bearing male vaguely modeled on Macguyver.</li> <li>23:08 - Lachlan’s first sexual experience of any kind is at age 21 with his first girlfriend, who teaches him to masturbate. He squirts!</li> <li>35:37 - The concept of transgender comes into his awareness.</li> <li>40:49 - Lachlan comes out, despite fearing he will lose his entire family.</li> <li>46:44 - After the news is broken to his father (by his mother) it is never spoken of between them again.</li> <li>47:18 - Lachlan shares outward steps of transition; therapy, hormones, telling people you work with, growing facial hair.</li> <li>53:36 - Becoming a man complicates his lesbian relationship.</li> <li>55:05 - Lachlan details how sexuality transitions along with transitioning: the impacts of testosterone, top and bottom surgical options, the discomfort of still having to get a pap smear, etc.</li> <li>1:08:14 - Lachlan talks about the mechanics around having sex in present day.</li> <li>1:11:28 - Top surgery has enhanced appearance but decreased sensation.</li> <li>1:14:45 - Heartbreak and pandemic create time alone.</li> <li>1:16:12 - Lachlan passes fully as a male, and decides if and when disclosure comes, in normal life as well as dating.</li> <li>1:20:28 - He opens the door on bathroom talk.</li> </ul>   The Lowdown   <ul> <li>The entire Lowdown Q&A is on Patreon this week because this episode was already SO long!!!  Don’t forget – ALL audio extras are FREE at Patreon!</li> </ul>   ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.   Mentioned in the episode:   <ul> <li>Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg – download a free PDF of the book at <a href="https://www.lesliefeinberg.net" target= "_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.lesliefeinberg.net</a></li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a>   FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a>   HAVE A QUESTION OR COMMENT?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)   PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>   RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a>   BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a>   COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a>   Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>)   Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby   Music – Nazar Rybak

Good Girls Talk About Sex

I tried to pee standing up – Lachlan

What kind of touch do you enjoy? Have you thought about the ways, and places? Touch is a many-splendored thing.   PSA: If you don’t know what kind of touch you like, there’s nothing wrong with you—but you have some (really great) homework to do.   Bookmark moments:   <ul> <li>3:13 - A chorus of voices answer the question “What is your favorite kind of touch?”.</li> <li>14:23 - Leah answers. She first discovered what kind of touch she likes while drifting during a high school class.</li> <li>16:31 - Podcast recommendation - As part of introducing this week’s featured podcast, Leah opens up about the emotional abuse she experienced from her father growing up, and how that shaped her later interest in people who leave cults.</li> <li>19:18 - Leah talks about undoing her own brainwashing.</li> </ul>   Podcast recommendation:   <ul> <li>“Two Sisters and a Cult” with Jada Smith and Alesia Galati</li> <li>Jada and Alesia are sister cult survivors. They discuss all things historical and present-day cults, while relating the topics to the cult they grew up in.</li> <li>Find them online at <a href="http://www.twosisterscult.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.twosisterscult.com</a></li> <li>Listen at <a href= "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-sisters-and-a-cult/id1503417365" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-sisters-and-a-cult/id1503417365</a></li> <li>Instagram - <a href="https://www.instagram.com/twosisterscult/" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">https://www.instagram.com/twosisterscult/</a></li> <li>Facebook - <a href="https://www.facebook.com/twosisterscult" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">https://www.facebook.com/twosisterscult</a></li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a>   FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a>   HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)   PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>   RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a>   BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a>   COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a>   Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noreferrer noopener">email</a>)   Music – Nazar Rybak

What’s your favorite kind of touch?

Leah met Gretchen at Sex Geek Summer Camp. They realized they share remarkably similar journeys; both started having sex later in life, believed that they were broken, then sought out sexual experiences and healing. Significantly, both engaged the services of a tantric practitioner.   Gretchen is a cisgender 46-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as bisexual and polyamorous.  She describes her body as average.   PSA: You can’t learn to swim in a lecture hall.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>4:07 - Gretchen talks about her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with another girl around age 8 or 9.</li> <li>7:13 - Growing up Catholic, sex was never talked about.</li> <li>10:44 - Gretchen discusses dissociating from her body for most of her life. Her parents never discussed her appearance in an attempt to minimize cultural influences. It backfires, though not in the usual way.</li> <li>18:12 - In her late 20’s, after returning from the Peace Corps, she finally tries to start dating.</li> <li>19:39 - Living in the culture of the Dominican Republic changes her perspective.</li> <li>25:32 - After a long time of flirting with a co-worker, sex enters the conversation. The encounter qualifies more as “penetration of some type”.</li> <li>36:06 - She’s moved to Portland and wanting to date and have sex.</li> <li>39:28 - With the help of her therapist and a whiteboard, Gretchen has a breakthrough.</li> <li>42:06 - She takes a 3-week trip to Mexico. It ends, unexpectedly, with a one-night stand with her Mayan kayak guide. For touch-starved Gretchen, the experience is wonderful, then strange, then breaks her with the thought that she might be frigid.</li> <li>50:00 - Gretchen starts working with a tantric practitioner.</li> </ul>   The Lowdown (56:35) <ul> <li>Do you enjoy giving blowjobs or oral sex?</li> <li>When you give a blowjob, do you swallow or not?</li> <li>What is a myth about sex you’ve had to unlearn?</li> </ul>   The <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Patreon</a> extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Gretchen tells the story of the second time she had sex. It was with a guy who picked her up in a bar for a one-night stand when she was 30. She talks about the strange sex position he put her in that gave her a particularly unflattering view of her own body.</li> <li>Gretchen talks about the tantra practitioner who helped her consciously engage with her sexuality for the first time. We also talk about her emotional relationship with him – specifically, did she fall in love with him?</li> <li>The extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul>   ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.   Other mentions: <ul> <li>Sex Geek Summer Camp with Reid Mihalko and Cathy Vartuli – <a href= "http://SexGeekSummerCamp.com/?fbclid=IwAR22UnGDO6YyJ0AqrRC7CAV7cy6Wr8DNmnwbZTyMOpWrT6Y3Z6YDorjCsOU" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">http://SexGeekSummerCamp.com</a></li> <li>Bawdy Storytelling podcast with Dixie De La Tour - <a href= "https://bawdystorytelling.com/podcast/2018/6/6/episode-36-the-master-at-work-yejp3-tswrh-9b976-wlswt-bzftb-g94rp-slk38-jm5lm-czy2n-zfhxd" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://bawdystorytelling.com/podcast/2018/6/6/episode-36-the-master-at-work-yejp3-tswrh-9b976-wlswt-bzftb-g94rp-slk38-jm5lm-czy2n-zfhxd</a></li> </ul>     Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> HAVE A QUESTION OR COMMENT?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

I don’t equate sex and love - Gretchen

Even people who think they’re sexually open have hard red lines. This week Leah digs into discerning where your absolute no’s are, why they might be there, and how to share them with your partner(s).   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>3:42 – A chorus of voices answer the question, “What are your hard red lines?”</li> <li>14:40 - Leah talks about her own hard red lines, a surprising number of which have to do how she is treated rather than specific act.</li> <li>17:58 - Leah talks about both setting boundaries and defending them when it comes to your red lines.</li> <li>19:19 - Pain tolerance, and how it can increase during sex, is discussed.</li> <li>20:03 - Leah shares her process for vetting and setting boundaries with new partners in terms of safety and play.</li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

What are your hard red lines?

Overview: Candi lives with Muscular Dystrophy. She shares how it progressed and how it changed her physical capabilities over her lifetime, and what it’s like to date and to have sex with a visible disability. She also opens up about loving rough sex and BDSM, despite an appearance—and often others’ assumption—of fragility.   Public Service Announcement: Never judge a book by its wheels.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>4:30 - Candi shares her first memory of sexual desire, a seemingly spontaneous discovery of masturbation in 9th She grew up in a conservative Christian family and sex was not discussed.</li> <li>7:46 - She talks about being flat-chested in high school, and being such a late bloomer that her mom never gave her the period talk and she only knew what was happening because of Sex Ed.</li> <li>14:56 - Candi stays a virgin until she’s 22, influenced both by purity culture and fear of the unknown.</li> <li>16:50 - She meets a cute boy with a leg brace in a boring class and they bond. She boldly asks him out.</li> <li>19:53 - Her first sexual experience happens and leaves her feeling both curiosity and disappointment.</li> <li>21:44 - Candi explains her Muscular Dystrophy.</li> <li>26:46 - She reflects back to her first sexual experience through the lens of her disability and what the experience was like with her body.</li> <li>29:43 - She goes into her next sexual experience in a way would *never* repeat.</li> <li>35:54 - She opens up about the great sex she had, and the positions that managed it, with the random work guy she wasn’t attracted to.</li> <li>39:00 - Liking aggressive sex is completely normal; also, be careful with choking.</li> <li>40:04 - Candi meets a guy on a dating app, and after an interesting first meeting, he introduces her to BDSM and blows her mind.</li> <li>50:04 - She opens up about how hard it is to watch able people enjoy romantic and life milestones that seem to pass her by despite her competence and energy.</li> </ul>   The <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Patreon</a> extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Candi talked me through her Muscular Dystrophy progression from the point of view of the different equipment she used over time, eventually needing a full-power wheelchair beginning in 2017</li> <li>The extra 25 minutes we didn’t have time for in the regular episode - Candi talks about the BDSM scene that went wrong, her journey of inner healing and growth, and the types of men that she’s attracted to.</li> </ul> Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

Sex, mattresses and wheelchairs - Candi

After having a baby, a mom is left feeling alone in the process of re-learning her body. Leah explains why it’s more than okay to seek support, and how that can generate its own kind of healing.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>1:31 - A listener gave birth 3 years ago, and is still struggling with her altered body. She asks if she’s supposed to deal with it on her own, or if she can ask per partner for support.</li> <li>2:06 - Leah shares her own struggle with body image, starting at a young age, and how hearing healing words from others is what finally broke through her negative internal messaging.</li> <li>5:06 - Our culture harmfully socializes us to believe that radical independence in all areas is not only possible, but the goal.</li> <li>6:35 - Sometimes our partners hold keys to our healing. Leah shows the listener how to start the conversation.</li> <li>11:43 – Podcast recommendation: <ul> <li>A Mind Full of Everything with Agrita - Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by thoughts on a regular basis? Agrita explores the deep thoughts that leave her questioning why certain things are how they are, and the questions she’s eager to find answers to – from global issues like climate change to self-improvement and everything in between.</li> <li>The elephant episode - <a href= "https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/mind-full-of/beautifulplanet-lessons-from-nhKBeA-t1PV/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/mind-full-of/beautifulplanet-lessons-from-nhKBeA-t1PV/</a></li> <li>Website - <a href= "https://mindfullofeverything.home.blog" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://mindfullofeverything.home.blog</a></li> <li>Instagram - <a href= "https://www.instagram.com/mindfullofeverything_pod/" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.instagram.com/mindfullofeverything_pod/</a></li> <li>Facebook - <a href= "https://www.facebook.com/mindfullofeverything" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.facebook.com/mindfullofeverything</a></li> <li>Twitter - <a href= "https://twitter.com/mindfull_agrita" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://twitter.com/mindfull_agrita</a></li> <li>Pinterest - <a href= "https://www.pinterest.com/mindfullofeverything/_created/" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.pinterest.com/mindfullofeverything/_created/</a></li> </ul> </li> </ul> Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

Letting go of shame

Yami opens up about a variety of common though not-commonly-talked-about subjects: sexual assault by a family member, and navigating polyamory.   Yami is a 23-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as bisexual and heteroromantic, in a relationship and exploring opening up with her partner. She describes her body shape as “a few extra pounds.”   Public service announcement: It is not your job to not be assaulted. Especially as a younger person, you shouldn’t even need to know how to not be assaulted. Term to learn: Compersion is feeling pleasure when your partner is experiencing pleasure.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>4:54 - Yami remembers being about 6 years old, and exploring with another young girl.</li> <li>7:27 - She shares her timeline of growing up in the Dominican Republic before moving to the US.</li> <li>9:16 - She’s a little obsessed with getting her period, though there’s no sex talk at home; she discovers masturbation on her own, then loses her virginity under pressure.</li> <li>15:30 – Yami’s second sexual experience is also non-consensual; she is raped by an older family member. She withdraws from her friends, and a long period that follows is a blur.</li> <li>29:00 - A couple years later, she is alone in a room with a guy for the first time and is finally able to feel safe. A serious boyfriend after that is able to conquer intimate touch with her, but he is a manipulator and a cheater. She gets an STI.</li> <li>35:57 - After lots of hard experience, her current boyfriend totally pleases her. They have loads of great sex and have been exploring swinging and play partners. They’re now open to exploring polyamorous relationships even further, on an emotional and more dedicated level.</li> <li>42:42 - Yami talks about sexual boundaries with other parties—how they’ve navigated them in the past, and what they might look like around potential future engagements.</li> </ul>   The Lowdown (46:41) <ul> <li>Do you enjoy having your breasts played with?</li> <li>Can you orgasm from intercourse alone without additional stimulation?</li> <li>Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating, or from sex with another person?</li> <li>What kind of touch do you enjoy most?</li> <li>How do you feel about your partner watching porn?</li> </ul>   The <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Patreon</a> extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Yami talks more about dealing with chlamydia – getting the diagnosis, the treatment, and the after effects.</li> <li>Negotiating boundaries in new sexual situations, and how she and her boyfriend find a third person to play with (when there’s not a pandemic!)</li> <li>Extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul>   ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

I felt like I had to sleep with him - Yami

Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>1:05 - You can say no at any point, even when you’re in the middle of it. Leah talks about how to do this in real life.</li> <li>6:24 - Men are socialized to feel entitled to an ending once the sex has started.</li> <li>7:33 - Leah shares a guide she created to help find words for navigating mid-sex consent: “Take a Breath.”</li> <li>9:16 - The “Am I Normal?” phone line (720-GOOD-SEX) goes to anonymous voicemail. Call away!</li> <li>12:00 - The Lowdown question is answered by a variety of women.</li> <li>19:15 - Leah answers. She opens up about problematic recurring yeast infections in her youth, and recommends against putting garlic in your hoo-haa.</li> <li>21:49 - In the name of truth-seeking, Leah makes an unusual Sunday afternoon request of her boyfriend.</li> </ul>   Resources mentioned: <ul> <li><a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/takeabreath" target="_blank" rel="noopener">leahcarey.com/takeabreath</a> - A worksheet to walk you through taking a pause in the middle of sex</li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you worry about your smell or taste?

Jocelyn is a full-service sex worker who’s seen many aspects of the industry, and who currently specializes in sexual healing and sexual surrogacy. Joslyn is a 37 year old, cisgender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, single and dating, and Canadian.  She grew up in a Protestant Christian home.  She describes her body as athletic with curves.  How Healing Happens: Sex work can be a bridge to all levels of healing, from getting basic touch needs met to helping the body re-wire for safety after trauma to helping people with physical difficulties achieve sexual experiences at all.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>5:04 - Jocelyn shares her first memory of sexual pleasure—kissing during after-school care with a boy she liked.</li> <li>7:30 - There was no Sex Ed or discussion at home. She was raised by a single mom and she didn’t tell her when she got her period.</li> <li>10:40 - Jocelyn opens up about experiencing emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of her father. When she confronts him, he gets ugly.</li> <li>20:42 - Jocelyn talks about her first consensual sexual experience with her long-term boyfriend at age 17.</li> <li>22:37 - She shares an early pregnancy and abortion experience with the same boyfriend.</li> <li>23:55 - She then has her first affair, with a beautiful man who has a tiny penis. Discussion follows about tiny penis taboo, and what men can do to pleasure a woman via other means.</li> <li>31:13 - Friends keep asking Jocelyn to participate in threesomes.</li> <li>34:05 - Sex work comes into her life during a time of financial struggle when she’s a single mom at age 29.</li> <li>36:55 - Jocelyn shares her internal conflict about the stigma of sex work even while the money is great. She starts to withdraw from her friends.</li> <li>39:37 - A friend introduces Jocelyn to “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl” in the context of her own sex worker fantasies, and it changes how Jocelyn relates to her profession. She begins to open up to the healing potential of her work.</li> <li>48:48 - Jocelyn talks about what a surrogate can do in the context of healing sexual trauma.</li> <li>50:10 - She gets into detail about being a sexual surrogate and her work with folks with disabilities, and tells us about one specific client.</li> <li>1:02:42 - Jocelyn talks about her hard red lines, and how she communicates boundaries to clients.</li> </ul>   The audio extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Jocelyn’s first experience of penetration was not consensual and involves some physical trauma that may be too graphic for some listeners. Therefore I’ve placed it in this separate space so you can opt in to listening to it if you choose.  Jocelyn shares how she initially gave consent, how it rapidly turned non-consensual, the processing she has done in the intervening years, and the feelings she now has about the man she was with that night. This is available to everyone, regardless of whether you are a patron or not. </li> <li>Jocelyn and I talk about whether the reported statistics for childhood abuse of boys are far too low</li> <li>How Jocelyn separates her personal sexuality from her “work” sexuality; also, how she talks with her son about sex</li> <li>The extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul> REMEMBER: ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.    PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/PJparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/PJparty</a>  FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

I struggled with guilt when I became a mother - Jocelyn

<div> Overview paragraph:  Leah talks about a consent violation she experienced during medical care last year, and also shares her insights into her own fear around exercising. <h1 align="left">Bookmark moments:</h1> <ul> <li>1:52 - Leah begins by sharing about her quarantine weight gain, which led her to confront a lifetime’s worth of avoidance issues around exercise — and an insight into how that mirrors the effects a negative body image had on safety in her sex</li> <li>3:52 - Leah shares a traumatic memory of assault at age 12 at the hands of her father.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>6:55 - Built-in responses to trauma complicate our culture’s idea that pushing through weight loss difficulties is just about</li> <li>11:05 - Early socialization and sexualization for those who grew up in girl bodies adds further trauma and mixed messaging.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>13:35 - Leah talks about an experience of violation of consent during a visit to a new Boldly, she addresses it after the visit.</li> </ul> <h1 align="left">Resources mentioned:</h1> <ul> <li>Evelin Dacker’s Good Girls Talk About Sex episode –</li> <li>Stand up to medical consent violations -</li> </ul> <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/medicalconsent" target= "_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/medicalconsent</a>   Book a PJ Party!!! All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) </div> PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

When exercise = danger

Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.  Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect. Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average." How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.</li> <li>11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.</li> <li>17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.</li> <li>24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.</li> <li>34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.</li> <li>38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.</li> <li>41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.</li> <li>45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.</li> <li>53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.</li> <li>54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.</li> <li>1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.</li> </ul>   The <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Patreon</a> extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy?  Is it possible that it could be some combination of both? </li> <li>Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.</li> <li>The extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul> ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.    PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/PJparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/PJparty</a>  FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

It’s a vagina, not a birth defect - Lynn

Receiving oral sex isn’t just about a tongue on a clit – it’s about all the emotional and mental conversation happening at the same time.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>6:13 - The women answer “Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?”</li> <li>10:21 - Leah answers. She opens up about the relationship dynamics in which her first experience of receiving oral took place, and how that impacted subsequent relationships.</li> <li>14:10 - Leah suggests a new technique to her second partner, which works, but he doesn’t stick to it.</li> <li>16:10 - She shares how she’s working on staying present with the physical sensation when her current partner goes down, and tracing the history of her hindered state of responsiveness to oral sex back to that first partner.</li> <li>20:24 - Am I Normal? A powerful, independent woman is confused by her desire to be dominated in the bedroom.</li> <li>23:23 - Leah talks through common fantasies and the reasons why domination can feel so refreshing.</li> <li>25:20 - Masochism is discussed.</li> <li>27:00 - Podcast recommendation</li> </ul>   Extra Bits PSA: Hey. Not everybody likes pizza, either.   Podcast recommendation: <ul> <li>Biracial Unicorns with Dani and Dameca</li> <li>“Let’s Talk About Sex-ualization” episode - <a href= "https://biracialunicorns.pinecast.co/episode/31f5a12674034660/let-s-talk-about-sex-ualization" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://biracialunicorns.pinecast.co/episode/31f5a12674034660/let-s-talk-about-sex-ualization</a></li> <li>Facebook – <a href="https://www.facebook.com/biracialunicorns/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.facebook.com/biracialunicorns/</a></li> <li>Instagram – <a href= "https://www.instagram.com/biracialunicorns/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.instagram.com/biracialunicorns/</a></li> <li>Twitter - <a href="https://twitter.com/Biracialmagic" target= "_blank" rel="noopener">https://twitter.com/Biracialmagic</a></li> </ul>    Resources mentioned: <ul> <li>FREE DOWNLOAD - How to propose a new sexual adventure to your lover, <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/newadventure" target="_blank" rel="noopener">leahcarey.com/newadventure</a>.</li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?

Jade opens up about the tension and difficulties in her past marriage, and the sexual dynamics of subtle pressure and coercion she experienced in the marriage and in her earlier dating. Maturity and emotional safety are at the core of her current partnership and it revolutionizes her sex life. She’s now in love with her girl parts! Countering Culture: Jade shares that although she knew her husband (at the time) never would have actually forced her into sex, she felt the pressure to satisfy his needs because she—along with most of the rest of us—grew up immersed in a culture that frames it as a “wifely duty” and bases a woman’s value (and therefore social safety) on being a “good” wife.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>2:36 - Jade’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 10, having a sexual fantasy in a swim club sauna.</li> <li>5:36 - Her first memory of masturbating is at age 13 while reading Clan of the Cave Bear (ironically given to her by her father), and then mounting her giant teddy bear.</li> <li>10:21 - She meets her first boyfriend in high school; he’s a few years older. She assumes that love leads to marriage leads to sex, but she knows from her Catholic upbringing she’s not supposed to have sex out of wedlock. She and a friend find a bible and search through until they find what they interpret as permission.</li> <li>15:09 – She experiences her first intense, magical state of turn-on with her second boyfriend.</li> <li>17:07 - Jade shares how the relationship with her first college boyfriend leads her into subtle but uncomfortable sexual dynamics.</li> <li>22:33 - Her first marriage hits tension early on. The birth of their first child adds both joy and more difficulty; her husband feels sexually frustrated, and she feels pressured.</li> <li>27:52 - After ongoing and increased tension after their second child, she makes the decision to separate. They work on their issues and re-unite, but the relationship is still “messy.”</li> <li>36:11 - Six months after leaving the marriage, much to her surprise, Jade starts having sexual feelings again. She re-enters the dating world and discovers some unmet emotional needs with her first post-divorce lover. After dating a few men, she meets her current partner and experiences a whole new level of sexuality.</li> </ul>   The Lowdown (42:46) <ul> <li>Do you have sex during your period?</li> <li>What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?</li> <li>Are you generally more active or more passive during lovemaking?</li> <li>What’s your favorite part of your body?</li> </ul>   The <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Patreon</a> extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>Jade talks about her adventures in non-monogamy</li> <li>Jade talks about what she learned in her childhood home about sex – including why her mother got married to her father</li> <li>The extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul> ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

Doing her “wifely duty” – Jade

We follow the oral sex question with a deep dive into swallowing ejaculate (or *not*.) We hear a wide variety of yes/no answers, but also yes/no conditions. Then Leah share her personal experience with blowjobs and the journey she took to make sure it was as good for her as it was for him. How Healing Happens: Little boys get just as much bad messaging as little girls do. Learning how to openly and safely communicate with your sexual partner can re-educate and heal you both.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>1:49 – A chorus of women answer the question “Do you swallow?”</li> <li>6:01 - Leah answers. She opens by sharing that in the pre-internet days, Cosmo was her primary source of information.</li> <li>7:52 - The “If you love him, you swallow” rule and its fallout.</li> <li>11:13 - Leah gives her first blowjob, and it’s disastrous for her afterwards.</li> <li>13:03 - A new approach learned at a STARS class blows her mind.</li> <li>16:25 - Leah and her partner try something new with blowjobs and it’s a win-win.</li> <li>19:05 - Leah shares a listener email that offers an unusual perspective—a man’s response to the podcast.</li> <li>24:47 - Podcast recommendation:</li> </ul> When Women Speak by Sara Sanderson - <a href= "https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935</a> The Emma Case interview - <a href= "https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935/4128944-am-i-welcome-here-why-we-must-do-more-than-simply-say-everyone-is-welcome" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935/4128944-am-i-welcome-here-why-we-must-do-more-than-simply-say-everyone-is-welcome</a> When Women Speak website - <a href="https://www.wwsgn.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.wwsgn.com/</a> Facebook - <a href= "https://www.facebook.com/whenwomenspeakglobalnetwork/" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.facebook.com/whenwomenspeakglobalnetwork/</a>    Resources mentioned: <ul> <li>The STARS episode - <a href= "https://link.chtbl.com/STARS" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://link.chtbl.com/STARS</a></li> </ul>   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com">email</a>) Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you swallow?

This week, 72-year-old Paulette gives us a window into growing up in a conservative time and culture, and how those tight-lipped and sexually discouraging tropes impacted her lifelong ability to experience pleasure. PSA: Restrictive beliefs can impact so many areas of life and pleasure. If something is confusing you and holding you back, ask, ask, ask for help.   Bookmark moments: <ul> <li>2:52 - Paulette shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, kissing a boy at around age 8 and liking it.</li> <li>7:45 - Growing up in an African-American and West Indian family, the expectation was that girls would not bring shame to their family.</li> <li>8:50 - She got her period at elementary school unexpectedly, and up to that point had received no education about sex or reproductive bodily functions. Even afterwards there was little detail imparted. “Keep your legs closed, your skirt down. You’re a young lady now.”</li> <li>14:50 - Paulette opens up about her love of foreplay and less-than-love of penetration and tells about an early love experience with only kissing.</li> <li>19:08 - She loses her virginity around age 20, though she is still very nervous to have sex because of the intense shaming around pregnancy out of wedlock.</li> <li>21:13 - Paulette has a pregnancy and miscarriage, which she thinks may have been caused by her intense fear of the pregnancy. She has another pregnancy later with the same fears, and decides to seek an abortion. She later adopts two children.</li> <li>26:28 - She marries at age 35, and finds herself sexually unsatisfied and unable to work on it with her husband.</li> <li>31:25 - Paulette diverts her energy to her kids, in the face of her lack of satisfaction in the marriage.</li> <li>33:57 - The talk turns to masturbation; Paulette has never done it, and the repressive effects have lasted her lifetime.</li> <li>37:14 - They discuss body image and being “thick.” Paulette consciously raised her boys to have the body comfort and confidence she didn’t.</li> <li>43:30 - Paulette shares that sometimes she gets what feel like incorporeal nighttime visits. Her husband has passed away at this point, as has her first love.</li> </ul>   The Lowdown (47:30) <ul> <li>What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?</li> <li>(Follow up) Do you ever feel like there was a possibility of a breakthrough to enjoying it, or was it just something that did not seem available to you?</li> </ul>   The audio extras for this episode are: <ul> <li>More about Paulette’s relationship with her first lover, and how it felt when they progressed from making out to penetrative sex; plus a longer look at Paulette’s marriage to her husband</li> <li>The extended Lowdown Q&A</li> </ul> Audio extras are available to everyone FOR FREE at <a href= "http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a>.  Because this material is marked explicit, you will need to create an account to access it, but no pledge is required.  Of course, all pledges are happily accepted!   Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/pjparty" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/pjparty</a> FACEBOOK GROUP: <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk</a> CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at <a href="http://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex</a> RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at <a href="http://www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls</a> BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/guest" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">www.leahcarey.com/guest</a> COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit <a href="http://www.leahcarey.com/coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.leahcarey.com/coaching</a> Host – Leah Carey (<a href= "http://www.leahcarey.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">website</a>, <a href= "http://www.facebook.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Facebook</a>, <a href= "http://www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">Instagram</a>, <a href= "http://www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">YouTube</a>, <a href= "mailto:leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">email</a>) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak

I like foreplay, not penetration - Paulette

Deep conversations with women about their personal experience of sex and female sexuality.

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Good Girls Talk About Sex

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