Family drama, celebrities in trouble, a heart attack scare. Police are being erased from tv, company branding is getting a much needed makeover and a few businesses that won’t survive the pandemic. Some day to day objects that can be surprisingly useful, don’t sell content that isn’t yours! And now’s a great time to explore some online dating. Check out our sponsor!   BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to http://betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s http://betterhelp.com/HELLO

Hello Dysfunction

83: Crest With Sparkles

We’re back after a break, discussing some of what’s going on in the world. The importance of always speaking up, in the RIGHT way. Problematic family members don’t get a pass. Including Dottie. Crystal has once again expanded her squad. The Bay Area is slowly opening back up and never underestimate the value of good customer service. Check out our sponsor!   BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to http://betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s http://betterhelp.com/HELLO

82: She Ate The Carpet

It’s been a long hot week and we’re still under quarantine. Sometimes “friends” can be weird. Please practice some online etiquette, Crystal is now offering legal advice and lending out her purse. Pata Fria’s houseguest is showing off and Carolyn is acting out. Weird news, cool things to watch and stand up for our black brothers and sisters or be exiled, it’s not a choice.  Enjoy xo.  *If you or someone you know needs to be tested for Covid-19 please call  1-888-634-1123

81: Bitch, She's On TikTok

Happy Birthday Malcolm X and Pata Fria. Dottie is on her way out, a new animal is on the scene and pelvic pain is the worst. Find out if Crystal is under investigation and don’t let missing fingers and toes be a deal breaker.  Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help To receive 10% off of your first month head to BetterHelp.com/HELLO, again that’s BetterHelp.com/HELLO for 10% off your first month.

80: Is Lucy Missing Money?

We're back again wishing Stevie Wonder and Dottie a happy birthday. Crystal's animal rescue foundation has re-homed all the kittens as she continues work as a full-time contractor. We share some tips on how not to train your dog, and get ready for bell bottoms because they're back. A little frustrating celebrity news and some tv recommendations. We hope you enjoy xo

79: My Tits Were My Best Personality Trait

We're back from a break because let's face it, sometimes life takes over. Cinco de Mayo is for drinking, we visit lots of weird news, and why were all grandparents so beautiful? Some parenting talk, new film and book recommendations and keep Crisco out of your god damn cookies. Enjoy. Thanks to our sponsor for this episode: BetterHelp Right now, just for our listeners you can go to BetterHelp.com/HELLO and use promo code HELLO for 10% off your first month.

78: Your Butthole Is Not For Vengeance

Our brains are getting bored and we’re all dreamers. Home school is stressful. Health over capitalism. Must see show/film recommendations. Frankenstein is freezing and it’s a shitty time for a money scam. Crystal takes us down a dark path about cleanliness and if you don’t want to barter w your landlord don't ruin it for everyone else.  Enjoy.

77: Hit It With Something Wet

Same old shit, different day.  Crystal and Pata Fria handled a joint dog catching assignment. Happy Birthday to Crystal’s mom Charlene. Pata Fria is doing a new form of charity work. Don’t expect Crystal to change her cleaning routine. Be careful how you speak to/in front of your kids. No show can really top The Office and Trump is ready to colonize other planets.  Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp To receive 10% off of your first month head to http://BetterHelp.com/hello, again that's http://BetterHelp.com/hello to receive 10% off your first month.

76: Mom’s New Sex Toy

Lonely days, disturbing dreams, some family dysfunction, sassy tones and lots of tv  xo Betterhelp.com/Hello

75: Sobriety Swim Test

Keeping in touch with you guys during the social distancing. This week we discuss lucid dreams, a new baby, ridiculous dads, investigating your partner, tiger king and the inability to get motivated lately may not be your fault... 

74: I LOVE sex

Week 2 of quarantine is upon us, some ideas for making use of your time at home, companies extending some free offers to the community, don’t let johns take advantage. Crystal is back to normal and discovered an interesting new way to show off your pets.  Enjoy xo

73: Keep Cats Out Of Your Ludes

Corona Virus is bullying us all, book vs film. Don’t get scammed on the internet, penis injections are a thing and Pata Fria has added a new service to her menu. Stay calm and safe in the house... We’re all in this together. Betterhelp.com

72: Pistol Whipping

This week Crystal is starting a water challenge while growing closer to her adopted raccoon. Pata Fria revisits the importance of credit and making money on social media. Porn Hub is in hot water, celebrity sex offenders receive some justice and the corona virus might be scarier than we thought.  Enjoy xo

71: That Time I Had Anal Warts

Mercury is in retrograde and everyone is feeling it. Don’t worry about the Corona virus, strange news, ppl are cat fishing and women’s bodies really have it rough.  Enjoy xo. Betterhelp.com

70: Just remove the walnut from your butth*le

Financial literacy is important as are cameras surrounding your house. Dog bites suck, 90s beauty products were great and Pata Fria made Crystal litter. Do a credit check on your future partners and don’t ask how much someone paid for their kids.  Enjoy xo

69: Sex Splits

Childhood best friends, Pata Fria and Crystal share the dysfunction in their lives, sexual knowledge, and outrageous personal views on current events. Nothing is off limits, and everything is funny.