Today’s topic may seem similar to things we’ve talked about in previous episodes, but I really wanted to simply talk about flipping the narrative about how we look at pleasure in general. So many of my clients and podcast listeners come to me to figure out how to make time in their life for pleasure and how they can squeeze in their sex life into their day. But what if instead of trying to fit it into our lives, we made sex and pleasure the goal to begin with? Topics in this episode The socialization of hustle cultureThe expectation and glorification of doing it allWhy we feel compelled to take on extra burdens and tasksThe cost of doing it all, and how that impacts our pleasureSex and pleasure aren’t things to wait for It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. I hope this episode has given you food for thought about what it would look like for you to really flip the narrative and focus on pleasure, and letting that be the focus that supports everything else around you.

It's My Pleasure

Ep. 81: Squeezing Sex into a Busy Life

I talk to a lot of women every week, and one of the main things I hear is the idea that they don’t know where to get started. When you think about taking on your sex life and creating the result of having a pleasurable sex life, it can totally feel overwhelming. This feeling of overwhelm causes our brains to shut down, and we don’t even know where or how to get started. In this episode, I share with you the tools to break down this huge undertaking and walk you through step-by-step with specific examples of how you can create momentum and become a turned-on woman.  Topics in this episode The indicators that your sex life may not be creating the result of you being a turned-on womanWhat causes us to shut downPause and examine the elementsHave a vision and know what you’re going towardsUnderstanding that pleasure is possible for youPrevious episode, 6 Skills Needed for Better Sex: https://daniellesavory.com/77-6-skills-needed-for-better-sex/The difference between: “What can I do to make my sex life better?” And, “What actionable step can I take in this one area?”  It has been my absolute pleasure sharing this with you today. I hope this episode helps you find more pleasure. When you’re looking at everything as being this one huge overwhelming problem to be solved, your brain and your body wil shut down. Give yourself the gift of being a project manager. Break it down into one chunk, and break that down into a smaller size until you get down to a bite-size piece of one specific thing you can focus on tonight to move your sex life forward. Over time, the more that we work on one thought, behavior, or action, the more it will compound and create the result of you becoming a pleasured woman.

Ep. 80: Creating Momentum

I was talking with a woman the other day and she told me she has had an amazing sex life before. She has felt sexually alive in her body. She also told me that for a variety of reasons, she just doesn’t feel like that person anymore. She feels disconnected from her past-self, but she knows that it can be better again. This conversation is an example of what I’m calling the “pedestal effect”, putting a past version or a future version of yourself, and what is possible for you, on a pedestal. In this episode, I share with you why this can be a problem, and how to look at your current state and the current level of happiness with your sex life with love and appreciation, and why that is so important to taking it to the next level.  Topics in this episode When we put others, or other verions of ourselves, on a pedestal, we automatically see ourselves as less-thanHow you’re inadvertently rejecting yourself right nowAllowing yourself to look into the future with curiosity and possibilityWe can’t change reality by being frustrated with it When you think about your frustrations with your sexuality, how does it feel in your body? Coming to a place that what you have right now is good enough Being excited about the future of where you can go in your sex life  As always, it has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. I love sharing this reflection about when we’re comparing ourselves to our past or our future, and how to step into not really seeing ourselves as less-than, or rejecting who you are right now, but truly finding acceptance and love, so that you can lean more into pleasure and really grow from this place.

Ep. 79: Resisting Sex

Ep. 78: Sex Life on a Pedestal

In this episode, I wanted to share with you the six skills to practice for better sex. This is the foundation for the work I do with my clients, and they are the key to unlocking pleasure, pleasurable sex, and for being a pleasured woman. With these skills, you will be able to connect with your body, give yourself grace, and make incremental changes so that over time, your sex, and your life, keeps getting better and better.  These skills are part of the foundational work we do in my group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days, starting September 17th. If you’re on the fence at all, I encourage you to fill out an application and hop on the phone with me. This work changes your life. This isn’t to be waited on as something to do later. The longer we wait to make this a priority and don’t work on practicing these skills, is time that we are just letting life happen to us. This is the shit that matters most. To learn more and to apply, email me at daniellesavorycoaching@gmail.com or go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/ Topics in this episode The 6 Skills to Practice for Better Sex1. You have to believe in pleasure in general, and sexual pleasure2. Practice having a playful presence. 3. Focus the brain4. Develop sensual awareness5. Processing emotions6. Sex assessmentsIf you don’t believe that pleasure is possible, you’re cutting yourself off from being able to access itPassion versus arousal Emotions as physical sensationsProcessing versus indulging your emotions  As always it’s been my absolute pleasure being with you, and I hope that you’ll take these skills and practice them, either on your own or with us in Better Sex in 90 Days. There’s nowhere in these skills that relate to spicing things up. I don’t talk about new positions, toys, or finding your G-spot, because none of that stuff really matters unless all these other skills are practiced and worked on. These are the foundational skills that are needed for pleasurable sex, and with these skills, you’ll be able to create a better connection and a pleasurable sex life.

Ep. 77: 6 Skills Needed For Better Sex

A common misconception that the reason we’re not having orgasmic sex is because of our partner, or our children, or something else that is standing in the way. So many women truly feel that if things were different in their relationships, then they would be able to have better sex and it would be more attainable for them. In this episode, I explore some of these excuses and share with you why it’s not them, it’s you, and that instead of feeling guilt or shame, this is a powerful step in taking back control of your sexuality. We have to reprogram our brains on how it comes to thinking about your partner, yourself, and your sex life, in order to create the environment for pleasure, and that is what empowerment is all about.  This is the exact work I do with my clients all of the time, because it’s about creating a process and a skill set so that you are changing who you are being as a woman. You become a turned-on woman. You become an orgasmic woman. You become a woman who actually wants sex more. This is possible for you too. To be a part of my group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group Topics in this episode Masterclass, The Orgasmic Sex Playbook: https://better-sex-in-90-days-with-danielle-savory.mykajabi.com/Orgasmic-Sex-PlaybookThe partner problemThe excuses, that aren’t actually the problemEven if all of that stuff changed, it doesn’t mean that who you are as a woman has changed The brain will find something else to think about so that it still feels pressure and shame when it comes to sexLooking at the emotions that come up around sexYou have the power to change you. It’s super easy to blame somebody else. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t make you feel in control As always it’s been my absolute pleasure to be with you today. I can’t wait for you to start seeing the shifts of where you’re blaming your partner, and instead, taking on the responsibility that this is actually about you. You have the ability to become a turned-on woman. It is the most empowering and freeing thing that you can believe about your sex life.

Ep. 76: It’s Not Them, It’s You

I recently wrapped up the first of my group coaching programs, Better Sex in 90 Days, and I want to start this episode by sharing feedback from one of the participants who said that she embarked on this journey because she saw how important it was for her husband. Now, after completing the program, she says that it is her favorite gift she’s ever given to herself. In the beginning, she was curious to see if sex was something that she could enjoy, not just something that was for her husband. Through this coaching, she now thinks about sex more often and learned that she actually likes sex a lot. Which is what leads us to the topic of this episode. I hear from many women that they want to pursue coaching and investing in their sexuality because it will benefit their husbands or partners. The motivation for these women is that this investment is a good idea, simply because it will benefit the people around them, without really thinking about themselves. Listeners, I want to share with you that while of course, this kind of work can have a positive ripple effect on those around you, you should pursue this simply for your own pleasure. You are reason enough.  Topics in this episode  We see sex for the husband and partner, rather than the possibility of it being pleasurable for ourselvesOur sexuality and sensuality can be for the benefit of usWe aren’t simply objects of desire. How might you be seeing your pleasure as a way to benefit him, to benefit your partner, rather than something for you?The deep transformation of saying yes to you As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to explain to you why your pleasure is enough of a reason. Really think about how you are using the idea of benefiting others for motivation to drive your sexual journey, and how powerful of a shift of your mind it can be when you simply say, “I’m going to benefit, and that’s a good enough reason”. Enrollment is open for the next cohort of the group coaching, Better Sex in 90 Days. To learn more and to apply, go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/

Ep. 75: Truth Bombs About Who Benefits

Have you ever withheld sex as a punishment or have used it as a reward for “good behavior”? I was on a call with a client recently and we were talking about this idea of withholding or rewarding with sex, and it made me think of a time in the early years of my very own marriage when I would tell my husband that if he did certain things, that he would be rewarded with sex. I remember one argument in particular over something really small, and I was paying attention to my brain as it had the thoughts, “I’m going to show him! I’m not going to have sex with him tonight. I might not even have sex with him this whole week!” This idea of using sex as a reward or withholding it as a punishment is something that we see a lot of in our society. In this episode, I share why this thinking is so damaging to your own self-concept of your sexuality, and why it’s so important to prioritize your pleasure and the connection between you and your partner.  Topics in this episode The underlying message we tell ourselves and our partner when we incentivize sexInstead of being for them, sex should be about your own enjoyment and pleasure This doesn’t just hurt them. It hurts you too.This doesn’t mean that you have to have sex when you’re mad and don’t want to have sex.You are the one who creates your own feelings through your thoughts. You don’t have to deny yourself the pleasure that is possible  We just finished the group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days. I heard from so many of the women who participated that it was an incredible and life-changing experience. Some of the takeaways were that they learned how to slow down and truly be present, taking time to connect with the body, and getting to experience what it’s like to be a fully pleasured woman.  The next group coaching session begins the first full week in September, after Labor Day. To learn more or to apply to join, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group/.  As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this episode with you about withholding sex and using sex as a reward. I hope it’s got you thinking about this concept that it is all about your pleasure. Sex isn’t just something to give to your partner. It’s about pleasure, connection, passion. It is for you. To make sure you don’t miss any of my content to help you become a more pleasured woman, sign up for the newsletter at: https://daniellesavory.com/contact/

Ep. 74: Withholding Sex

Let’s discuss the patriarchy and how it impacts our ability to experience pleasure in our bodies, starting from a young age, and sticking with us throughout our entire lives. The reason I’m talking about the patriarchy on a sex podcast is that the way we are socialized as women is going to greatly impact the way that we are able to show up in our bodies and experience sex and pleasure. When we have awareness about the types of messages we receive, we can see how our brain is naturally going to react when it comes to sex, pleasure, and our body image. Then, once we have awareness about it, we can begin to change and rewire it, so that we are more tuned in to experience pleasure. In this episode, I share some of the patriarchal messaging we receive, how to work through those beliefs, and share some of the transformations that women in my group coaching program are experiencing right now.  If you want to take this work deeper, I am currently accepting applications for the next cohort of my group program. Better Sex in 90 Days, which is starting soon. To learn more and to apply to be a part, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group/ Topics in this episode The image of the good girl, and it’s affect on our sexualityDifferences in how sex is presented to men versus womenThe fear of presenting ourselves as though we are “asking for it”The messaging that keeps us smallerWhat female pleasure actually looks like Turning off the turn-offs Opening ourselves up to the practice of receiving As always it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this with you. I hope this has helped you really start to peel apart all of the layers of what you’ve learned so that you can fully step into yourself in a sexually expressed and loving way. It’s such a beautiful journey and I’m excited for you to be on it.

Ep. 73: The Patriarchy and Your Sex Life

Across the last two episodes, we’ve been discussing motivation and desire when it comes to sex, how they’re different, and how they interact with each other in order for you to have more pleasure. So often the terms “desire” and “arousal” are used interchangeably, but they really are not the same. Desire is the eagerness and wanting to have sex, and arousal is the physiological response to sexual stimulus. In this episode, we dive into what it means to feel aroused, how to get there, and why it’s the missing piece to your libido and being able to be a fully pleasured woman.  I’m also really excited to share a recent testimonial I received from a woman in my group coaching program, Better Sex in 90 Days. We’re coming up on the last few weeks of the program, and there have been so many ah-ha moments, mindset shifts, and celebrations, and it has been such a joy to see the amazing things these women have accomplished. My next group coaching starts the first week of September, and I am currently accepting applications. To learn more and to apply, please go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/ Topics in this episode Spontaneous desire versus responsive desireGetting aroused will lead to the eagernessWhat desire feels like in your body Motivation is the willingness. Desire is the eagerness. Arousal is the physiological response.Arousal is the foundation of pleasureGive yourself the time. Give yourself permission to be in your body, and to let go of control. What does arousal require?  As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to bring this episode to you. I hope that it helps you understand arousal a little more, and to know that you can create thoughts so that you can become more embodied. Take a look at how you’re thinking about sex and putting pressure on yourself. Give yourself permission to become aroused, so you can get off and get the pleasure you deserve.

Ep. 72: Arousal – How To Get Turned ON!

If you’ve been listening to this podcast, you’ll know that your thoughts create your feelings. This episode is a continuation of the conversation we started last week about motivation and desire, and how those play a role over the course of a long-term monogamous relationship, which may result in a lack of desire for sex. Last week I shared the difference between motivation and desire, the cultural factors that created the motivation for sex, and that once the goal of a long term relationship is secured, the motivation for sex is diminished.  In this episode, we continue exploring the connection between motivation and desire, and how we can use our thoughts to create the feelings of enthusiasm and excitement, which drive our desire for pleasurable sex. To hear last week’s episode, go here: https://daniellesavory.com/ep-70-motivation-to-have-sex/ Topics in this episode Have some compassion and love for yourself. The difference between motivation and desire: Motivation influences desireDesire is totally in our control. It’s a feeling. It’s a moodThinking thoughts that help increase your enthusiasm and eagernessApproaching desire with curiosity creates an environment for pleasure to enter It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. Don’t forget, your mindset and your thoughts create your feelings, and desire is one of those feelings. Think about what happens in your body when you’re enthusiastic about something, you get excited and enthusiastic about pursuing it, and your pleasure should be no different. Keep thinking thoughts to create these emotions, and create more desire today.

Ep. 71: How To Help Increase Desire

One of the most common things I hear from women is about how their desire has diminished throughout the course of their long-term, monogamous relationships, and that it may have even stopped altogether. For most of us, we have been brought up with a cultural narrative of the importance of securing that long-term relationship. And one of the ways in which we secure this relationship with our “person” is through sex. In this episode, I dive into the subconscious motivations for sex within a relationship, what it is that creates desire, and a prompt for self-reflection on why it is you want to tap into your desire and for doing this work.   Topics in this episode  Pleasure is not measured in the same sense of achievement or milestones as other areas of our lives, making it difficult to find the motivation to invest in ourselves and our desiresMotivation versus desireThe biggest factor that keeps us from owning our pleasureWe can’t enjoy sex more if we’re not having it in the first place When we have security and attachment, we have to look for another motivational system This isn’t something wrong with you. You aren’t broken. Desire comes from a want, and not a “should”. Ways to help yourself find your motivation  It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you. This is something I cannot stop thinking about, and I hope it will help you tap deeper into your “why” for doing your work on your sexuality and seeing all the ways it’s worthy of the effort. Next week we will talk more about the desire to have sex, and I can’t wait to chat with you then.

Ep. 70: Motivation to HAVE Sex

Brig Johnson is a fellow life coaching colleague and friend of mine. She is an amazing representation of a woman who fully celebrates her body, and I wanted to have her on the show today to share about her recent journey of doing a boudoir photoshot in honor of her 55th birthday. Brig is such an inspiration, and I am excited to have her in my world because I feel like I have permission to shine brighter when I’m with her because of the way that she shines. In our conversation, she shares her journey of deciding to pursue a boudoir photo shoot, the mental preparation she did, and how she celebrates herself and her body every day.  Brig is on a mission to help high-achieving Black females become un-fuckwithable. Her unique approach combines her knowledge as an advanced practice healthcare provider and her skill as a life coach, and her direct style helps clients see themselves with clarity and compassion so that they reach the results they desire. If Brig sounds like she may be a great fit for you, please check out the links to contact her and get connected.  Topics in this episode The revolutionary act of embracing our sensuality Why she decided to do this photoshoot Willingly celebrating someone else’s shining lightAsking for support from other women The difference between giving and celebratingPaying rent: The constant health practice we all must do in order to enjoy our bodies Working towards a goal, while also being loving and accepting of yourself along the way and enjoying the processWe all have the possibility to create a future that is way better than our pasts Creating a sisterhood by recognizing the beauty of others and releasing judgment of others, and ourselves Celebrating yourself and making it a habit Brig answers the question I ask each guest: What do you think the impact would be if more women in this world were pleasured?  Contact Info Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachwithbrigWebsite: http://brigjohnson.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johnsonbrig/Ricardo Andre, Photographer: https://www.instagram.com/ricardoandrephoto/ It’s been my absolute pleasure to share this conversation with you. I am so happy that I was able to have Brig on and to have her share her journey and experience with all of you. After we recorded this episode, we started talking and we really want to bring this celebratory experience into more women’s lives and we have decided to put together an event to help women just like you find and celebrate their queendom. If you are interested, make sure to go to this link and to learn more: https://daniellesavory.com/Boudoir/

Ep. 69: “Celebrating the Queen Within” With Brig Johnson

When we start to do this work, it starts with little tweaks that we do to think differently, to have a different perspective, and to unlearn our behaviors. But really, when you look at the bigger picture, what you’re doing is changing your personality. Who we are and how we show up in the world is a collection of different things: things we’ve learned, the thoughts we have, the beliefs that we have, which dictates how we feel emotionally in our body. And when we start to challenge how we feel in our bodies and make shifts in our thoughts and beliefs, it changes who we are and how we show up. In this episode I really dive into the emotion of shame, especially around self-pleasure, and how we can notice our thoughts, and begin to shift them so that we can become the self-pleasured women we want to be.  Topics in this episode:  How addicted we get to our personality Why is this so hard, even when I know this isn’t serving me?Emotion showing up in our bodies Why self-pleasure brings up shame Exploring what emotions feel like in the bodyWhy it becomes scary to face our shame Sustaining emotions of pleasure, satisfaction, and joyThe steps to finding joy and pleasure in your sex life  As always it has been my absolute pleasure to be with you this week. I hope that you have the audacity to see that there’s so much pleasure available for you, and you can start to lean into it moment by moment. Over time, by taking these steps, you become the sexual woman that you are wanting to be.

Ep. 68: The Audacity to Change

For today’s topic, I wanted to talk about the idea of pleasure. It came to mind when I was working with my group program, Better Sex in 90 Days, and I was recently asked what I meant when I said pleasure, and how the women in that program know if they are experiencing pleasure or not. We’re told what pleasure should feel like or what pleasure looks like, and we don’t often think about what it means to actually feel like. In this episode, I share with you how to identify what it is that you find pleasurable, and how you can apply that to your sex life and become the sexual woman you seek to be.  Topics in this episode Defining pleasure and sexual pleasureLet yourself be curiousPleasure is made up of physical touch and the filter with which we see itContext matters Pleasure is subjectiveFinding what it takes to feel sexual pleasure It’s been my absolute pleasure to share this information with you and I hope it allows you to find more pleasure in your life. If you’re enjoying this podcast, I encourage you to write a review and tell your friends about it. It really helps get this word out so that we can become more pleasured human beings. We need more pleasure in this world and to allow ourselves to delicious pleasure.

Ep. 67: What is Pleasure?

It's My Pleasure is a podcast devoted to empowering and equipping listeners to enjoy mind-blowing sexuality, hosted by Danielle Savory. As a master coach and sexual mindset maven, Danielle helps ambitious, make sh*t happen women maximize their pleasure potential and unlock more awareness, creativity and energy in every area of their life. With relatable stories, cutting-edge research in neuroscience and psychology, practical inquiries and mindfulness based skills, Danielle will show you how to overcome whatever is keeping you from your pleasure potential and enjoy its many rewards.

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It's My Pleasure

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