This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, Jay and Tina Carleton of Welcome to Television talked about sitcoms!

Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

HAWK TALK – Sitcoms

In which Onslaught nomenclature has some consistency issues; electricity is the new magnetism; Nate Grey mopes; Sinister doesn’t care about your guns; the Xavier mansion blows up (again); and we track down an elusive Sentinel.https://www.xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/X349.mp3

349 – Onslaught Secret Weapon Force Power Slammers

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! In which all the heroes fight each other, a lot. X-PLAINED: Teenage Iron Man Onslaught thus far What Onslaught wants Uncanny X-Men #335 X-Men Unlimited #11 Avengers #401 The rebirth of Apocalypse The Apocalocophagous The Age of Wonders X-Man vs. Professor X Nate Grey-sitting Humanity’s Last Stand Simon Trask Bastion Rogue and Joseph Avengers fashion Assumptions Other characters who could merge Onslaught-style Origins of the Angry Claremontean Narrator NEXT EPISODE: Yes, still Onslaught. Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on iTunes or Stitcher! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

348 – Onslaught Continues

In which we stop procrastinating and dive headfirst into Onslaught; Professor Xavier is a jerk; Dark Beast wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Onslaught declaims like it’s the Silver Age; Bishop gets some long-awaited closure; and we pitch alternate candidates for the X-traitor.

347 – Onslaught Begins

This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about school.

HAWK TALK – School

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! In which we continue to avoid Onslaught with a jaunt over to the Wolverine solo series; Logan is terrible at both being a loner and secret identities; fake vampires are fundamentally hilarious; and Burt Corrigan is the hero we need. X-PLAINED Hyperstorm (kinda) Wolverine #11-16 A very full week What Wolverine has been up to Madripoor Several supporting cast members “Patch” Archie Corrigan Burt Corrigan Several things to do in San Francisco Vampire humor Ba’al The Gehenna Stone Penis bones The Hand of God Doomsday Mutual fratricide A midair brawl Secret identity problems Claw problems Other metals with which one’s skeleton might be bonded Bisecting Logan Team-ups we’d like to see NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught, honestly, we promise. The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week. Find us on iTunes or Stitcher! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

346 – Romancing the Gehenna Stone

In which author and friend of the podcast Douglas Wolk joins us to discuss his upcoming book All of the Marvels; his epic quest to read all Marvel Comics, ever; and what he learned along the way.

345 – All of the Marvels (feat. Douglas Wolk)

In which the X-Men cross over with two generations of Star Trek; your grandma invented slash fiction; Gladiator punches a starship; we designate a universe; Leonard McCoy gets bowdlerized; “Gary” is a silly name for a god; Elizabeth Dehner deserves better; a lot of things happen in space; Worf and Wolverine enjoy a brief but intense romance; the X-Men should have more to say about the ethics of “curing” mutation; and we successfully delay Onslaught by another week.

344 – Where No Mutant Has Gone Before (feat. Tina Carleton)

This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about large things.

HAWK TALK – The Big Stuff

In which X-Force carries on the New Mutants’ tradition of property damage; a lot of people have infiltrated Helicarriers; G.W. Bridge makes it weird; Gamesmaster returns to no particular end; and we go back in time to cover the origins of Chris Bradley.

343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone. X-PLAINED: Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING Archangel: Phantom Wings Unorthodox artistic decisions Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III) Angst, renewed Bird ichor Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit How (not?) to flirt Uncanny X-Men #333 Various Roberts Kelly Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold Operation Zero Tolerance X-Teams and their lanes A naked murder-uncle Pink villains Obscure callbacks Event synergy X-Men #53 Day to-day challenges of telepathy Super-Saiyan Magneto Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult Onslaught That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3 A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls XMEN Disease NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme. The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week. Find us on iTunes or Stitcher! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

342 – Angry Birds

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! In which Chris Bachalo returns to Generation X; we briefly forget that Mondo exists; Synch is an extraordinarily good kid; not everybody gets a jetpack; Jubilee takes a turn as team strategist; Chamber has Onslaught problems; the X-Cutioner has no discernible dignity; the M does not stand for “metaphorical.” X-PLAINED: Jubilee’s aunt Hope Generation X #15-17 Generation X (more) (again) Emplates (more) (again) An instance of possession The Thomas family Intersectional bias Passing privilege Narratively-determined technology Giovanni the janitor Synch vs. Mimic An exceptionally slow-burn reveal Possession as a vehicle for character development The X-Cutioner (Carl Denti) (more) (again) Metaphorical DNA Fun times at the fair Ruby quartz adaptive technology Mutant names NEXT EPISODE: Fun with flechettes! The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week! Find us on iTunes or Stitcher! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

341 – Rainbow Connection

This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, Miles and guest hawk Anna Sheffey talked about playing too much Resident Evil during lockdown.

HAWK TALK – What We Blew Up On Our Summer Vacation

In which the X.S.E. miniseries is future copaganda; Earth-1191 has no room for moral ambiguity; Bishop pulls a Marty McFly; Malcolm and Randall get distinct personalities; you really shouldn’t give officers a symbol of authority that there’s no way to revoke.

340 – Retconaganda

In which evil robots are fundamentally more optimistic than climate change; Ozymandias could probably use a new hobby; Wolverine goes full Kate Beaton; “Luck Be a Lady” would be a kickass hymn; Shard gets a body (kinda); and the X-Men definitely do that.