Do not adjust your monitors – we actually decided to come back. We stayed away as long as we could, but the pod drew us back in on the eve of the Six Nations – the most exciting time in the rugby calendar. We missed quite a lot, as it turns out. Christy applauds proper shithousery! Tom drinks vin rouge! Jack imagines Tyson Fury! Part 1: We preview the greatest rugby competition in the world (subject to conditions, apparently) as well as revisiting all the Premiership movements we missed during our hiatus. We also briefly touch on the lineups for the European quarter-finals as some tasty ties present themselves. Part 2: Huge Scoops are back in force, with discussions of Saracens, major transfers, Tier 2 progressions and (of course) top level shithousery regarding the Israel Folau situation. Part 3: Chloe’s Questions are back, presenting us with some more Brexit and Love Island-themed thinkers. We also lay out our predictions for the Six Nations, with winners, losers, best players and bold predictions all on the line.

Scrums and Scrumpy

Israel Folau, You Are A Dosser And A Bum

The lads are finally back as the first European window comes to a close - and we finally get to talk about Saracens! But our comments on Semi Radradra have aged terribly. Tom rules himself out of the New Zealand job! Christy puts Andrew Mehrtens in his place! Jack despairs about Harry Potter puns! Part 1: We run the rule over all of the weekend’s Champions Cup action, with Northampton scoring the big win of the weekend, Chiefs marching on and a smattering of the good, the bad and the ugly across Europe. We also find room to praise Bristol for their start to the season and run through the Challenge Cup scores. Part 2: Huge Scoops is a long-awaited moment this week as we finally get to grips with Saracens and the salary cap, as well as the possibility of a Fijian flyer heading to Sale and world coaching changes, especially Scott Wisemantel’s proposed move to Australia. Part 3: Chloe’s Questions are back again as we pay tribute to the Hask in the Celebrity jungle, and we take on a Saracens-inspired ‘Take That and Rewind It Back’ to look at how the world may have shaped up if 2016 had gone a little differently.

Chris Boyd's Gone Full Keegan

The World Cup has finally come to an end but there's plenty for us to dig into this week. Jack has a god complex! Christy hypes the bronze medal match! Tom laughs at Charlie Ewels! Part 1: We sadly look back at a heartbreaking World Cup final defeat for England but also pay dues to South Africa. The third-place playoff and this weekend’s Premiership action are all up for discussion as well, as Saints march on and the bottom of the table gears up for another dramatic relegation battle. Part 2: We have a lot of Huge Scoops to get through, including Sonny Bill’s enormous money move back to rugby league, Eddie Jones’ England future and Faf de Klerk’s budgy smugglers. Sadly we recorded before Saracens were docked points and fined for salary cap breaches so we are saving that for next week. Part 3: Chloe gives us some more questions to destroy people’s careers and this time Ellis Genge cops some treatment for his bowels (don’t ask). We also pick our Team of the Tournament for the World Cup, with the midfield combination giving us easily the biggest headaches.

Is Donnacha O'Callaghan Any Good At Scrabble?

WHAT. A. SEMIFINAL. The boys chew over one incredible one semi-final at the World Cup, and unfortunately one terrible one too. They also run the rule over the Premiership and discuss an England hooker's role in Ghostbusters. Jack swears very quickly! Tom discusses Australian kickers at length! Christy tells us how Japanese rugby could have fallen! Part 1: The lads can't quite get over England's semi-final performance (swear warning very early on) but sadly were not as enthused by South Africa or Wales. They talk about where the final could be won and lost as well as charting a second unpredictable weekend of Premiership action. Part 2: Huge Scoops features Joel Kpoku and Makazole Mapimpi among others before we try something different to the Hall of Fame - say hello to Turn Back and Rewind It Back! (Name under discussion.) Chloe also gives us our usual ammunition to ruin someone's public image - sorry, Jamie George.

If There's Jamie George In Your Neighbourhood...

The quarter finals have been and gone, but praises be because your favourite amateur know-nothings are here to talk about all of it! We discuss the World Cup, as well as dipping into the Premiership’s intriguing opening weekend and another Huge Scoops. Christy loves pop-up ads and echoes a bit (don't know why)! Jack makes more bold calls about Leicester Tigers! Tomthinks Joe Marler would have a strange pet! Part 1: Its knockout rugby time. The boys look into World Cup drama as England defeated Australia, New Zealand downed Ireland, France implode against Wales and brave Japan struggle against South Africa. We look over all the talking points, thrills and spills, and even an elbow or two. Part 2: Amid all the action in Japan, the Premiership has returned with a barnstorming opening weekend. Saints upset Sarries, Sale were narrowly beaten in the last kick of the game by Gloucester and Bristol put down a marker on opening night. There is a big helping of huge scoops, Chloe’s Questions returns and we predict the ending to a fantastic World Cup.

James Haskell's Secret Labradoodle

It's the end of a rollercoaster World Cup pool stage and the Scrums and Scrumpy boys return to chew the fat on the major talking points, with Japan, Scotland and the Pacific Islands all up for discussion. Tom introduces his cat! Jack compares Scotland to a psychopath! Christy displays expert pronunciation! Part 1: We track back through the World Cup pool stages, examine questions of Pacific Island disappointment, Japanese excellence and whether Scotland are in crisis. Tom’s cat has some very strong opinions about Conor O’Shea and Jack and Christy cover Tom’s stream freezing with aplomb. Part 2: We put it all on the table about Typhoon Hagibis and the mark it will leave on the tournament. We preview and predict the quarter-finals, which sparks a predictable argument about France, and we dole out our awards from the pool stages. Tom’s cat is sadly absent.

Asterisks Be Damned - Italy Drew With New Zealand

The World Cup is underway in style and the boys are back (but not together) to review all the action from the first week of the tournament. Sorry for the audio quality but poor, time-strapped journos can only do so much. Christy chucks back the apple juice! Jack's had a gruuueeelllleerrrrrr of a week! Tom is struggling with his stamina! Part 1: The World Cup has kicked off and the boys summarise the first week of the action in which Uruguay stunned Fiji, New Zealand squeezed past South Africa and England enjoyed two bonus points wins to sit top of the pool. As well as looking at the teams battling it out for the William Webb Ellis trophy, we haven’t forgotten domestic matters as the Premiership Rugby cup continues with the youngsters at the fore. Part 2: HUGGGGEEEE SCCOOOPPPSSS KLAXON!!!! More drug doping condemnation, Scotland training ground clashes and Alun Wyn Jones love ins than you can shake a stick at as the boys look over what’s been on the front pages of the rugby world this week.

Let's Face It, We're All Here For The Premiership Rugby Cup

It's the same intro music, the same Huge Scoops screams, the same sport...and unfortunately, the same mooks at the other end of the microphone. Scrums and Scrumpy is BACK for Season 2 and back with a bang (and possibly a whimper) as we preview the World Cup in style. Christy gets really passionate about the Premiership Rugby Cup! Tom welcomes random cushion shoppers into his home! Jack starts drinking alarmingly early! Part 1: We preview the World Cup group stage and have traditionally nonsensical disagreements over who will make the knockout stages. We also discuss the burgeoning selection debates, including revolutionising the eligibility through residency laws and commenting on the shape of Devin Toner once again. Part 2: We finish our tournament predictions, with Christy changing his mind every few minutes, and look into top try-scorers and breakout player contenders. We then fall back into the comforting, if screamy, arms of another Huge Scoops, where we brush up on RugbyX, discuss World Cup opening round injury news and pay an honest tribute to Gareth Thomas's continued bravery.

Is It Okay To Be On The Beers At 5.45am? (The World Cup Preview Show)

The lads return minus Christy but bring in Corey Bedford for an outsider's view on the big issues and to help the lads decide their pod awards! Cans are involved. Corey tries to make sense of our garbage! Tom can't think of any Saints players! Jack supports the common man! Part 1: The one where the pod had a few cans and recorded… S and S are back with bonus features and our Scrums and Scrumpy End of the Year Awards. Featuring accolades such as The O.J. Simpson Award for Just About Getting Away With It and The Shawshank Redemption Award for Breakout Player. Part 2: Huge Scoops, minus Christoff, is back with a few hefty helpings along with the final Chloe’s questions which include choosing one rugby player to play you in a movie made about your life and which rugby player would you choose to cook you a BBQ.

The One Where We Speak For The Everyman

The lads bid an emotional farewell to the booth and one of our ever-present members as the full gang's time in Sheffield comes to an end. Christy doesn't want to talk about cricket! Jack is still very sad! Tom makes up a terrible England chant! Part 1: It's the last ever Scrums and Scrumpy (with Christy in the booth) and we wrap up the long English domestic season by analysing a terrific Saracens vs Exeter final, narrowly won by the north London outfit. We talk a game of two halves for MOTM Maro Itoje, Jack Nowell’s brilliant performance and all the big moments from Saturday’s game. We then discuss England’s inexperienced team beating Barbarians in a classic testimonial match. We talk who might have earned a way to Japan, and how the Barbarians are flourishing more than ever. Part 2: S&S pick their 31-man England World Cup squad to travel to Japan. We choose our (not Eddie’s) picks for the tournament, including dicey discussion over Anythony Watson and Danny Care from Jack and Christy… HUGE SCOOPS involves a development in the Israel Folau story, all the news from the U20s World Championship and comments made by Sarries owner Nigel Wray calling critics of his team “jealous”.   Part 3: The Hall of Fame picks their best performances in a losing side in honour of Jack Nowell. We then take a variety of questions while Tom and Jack are distracted by the cricket, with enlightened discussion over which players were choirboys, and who in world rugby doesn't wash their legs.

The Pod Becomes Old Yeller

The lads return to wrap up the Premiership semis and Pro14 final and look ahead to the big day at Twickenham. Tom gives regular cricket updates! Christy says 'bitching' a lot! Jack gets way too into it! Part 1: After technical difficulties the boys are back to break down the past week’s action! We discuss convincing semi-final victories for Saracens and Exeter over Gloucester and Northampton before wondering what on earth it will take for the Devon outfit to down the Sarries juggernaut in the Premiership final this weekend. We then break down Glasgow coming up short against Leinster in the Pro 14 final and Rob Kearney’s controversial yellow, rather than red, card. Part 2: We preview an experimental England XV taking on a strong Barbarians team. We look at who might impress, and whether Marcus Smith should be travelling to the under 20’s instead of turning out for the senior side this weekend. HUGE SCOOPS include discussion over the proposed Rugby X tournament, argument surrounding free-to-air rugby in South Africa and Zach Kibirige’s move to Wasps as the Newcastle exodus continues. Part 3: The lads decide their Hall of Fame pick for worst thrashing with some interesting picks. We then muse over the summer plans for Premiership players before wondering who would have Ed Sheeran play during their wedding…

Bitching About Danny Cipriani

The lads are back on the wagon (unlike Goodey) to dissect the European finals - and the celebrations. Tom spends the session watching YouTube videos! Christy celebrates drinking culture! Jack cries about Super Rugby! Part 1: We break down the weekends two huge European Cup finals, starting with Saracens throttling of Leinster in the Champions Cup. We discuss some questionable refereeing, Maro Itoje’s discipline and, of course, the now legendary 4-day sesh Alex Goode undertook in his full kit. We finish having a good old love-in for Damien Penaud and recap the Super Rugby results (Jack gets sad about his beloved ‘Tahs). Part 2: Attention turns towards the final round of Premiership games and the race for the Top Four and European Champions Cup places. Tom is usually pessimistic about Saints’ chances against Exeter while Christy gives it the big ‘un for Quins’ away trip at Wasps. HUGE SCOOPS includes Italy’s indecision over Connor O’Shea, Dean Ryan becoming DoR of the Dragons and Israel Folau (ironically) showing no repentance for his social media posts. Part 3: The lads discuss what stadium deserves entry to the Hall of Fame before we discuss which player was devastated by Tops of the Pops cancellation and who would be scared by Anne Robinson on The Weakest Link (hint: it may be a New Zealand second rower).

The Goodyssey

Part 1: The gang rides again after the Easter lull passes. In the penultimate weekend of Gallagher Premiership action, we take a look at pivotal games at the top and the bottom with Quins taking on Tigers and Gloucester facing a scrapping Falcons. Luther Burrell signed off at Franklin's Gardens as Saints faced Worcester, Bristol and Sale played out a humdinger, Bath were not on the beach yet as they played Wasps and Saracens and Exeter had a (probably) dress rehearsal for the Grand Final. We also cast our eye over the Pro 12 semi finals as a spirited Treviso went to Munster and Ulster and Connact competed in an All-Ireland affair. Part 2: The Hugest of Huge Scoops with transfers, retirements and Israel Folau updates. We look ahead to the World Cup as Scotland announce their provisional squad and France reshuffle their coaching backroom. Part 3: Hall of Fame returns and we have Chloe’s questions, which include the Kardashians, the Royal Baby and crowd surfing.

Izzy Tries To Crowdsurf At Gay Pride

The lads have just about calmed down from a monster weekend of European action and return to dissect it all - the good, the bad and the Clancy. Jack provokes Ireland! Tom tries and fails not to rant about a referee! Christy describes his old P.E. teacher! Part 1: We break down last weekend’s European fixtures, including dramatic wins for Leinster and Munster, 14-man Toulouse scrapping to beat Racing Metro and Saracens swatting aside Glasgow. We then turn our attention to the Challenge Cup fixtures, where Sale, Harlequins, La Rochelle and Clermont all made it through to the quarters, with George Clancy’s performance in the latter game drawing the ire of Tom… Part 2: We preview the upcoming round of Premiership fixtures before diving into HUGE SCOOPS. Including contract extensions for Danny Cipriani and Zach Kibirige, Mark Jennings escaping jail time, Mike Ford parachuted in to save an ailing Leicester and a surprising name appointed head coach of India. Part 3: It is our last pod before Easter so we discuss rugby’s greatest second comings. We then go on to discuss such thought-provoking questions like who is rugby’s foremost wheeler dealer and who would be scared by the clay head from art attack (google it, it’s very weird).

Next Time, We're Doing 'Allo 'Allo!

The lads return from hiatus to pick up the story of the Premiership relegation battle, the return of the European competitions and all the news from around the rugby world. Jack puts Mark Wilson in his tea! Christy goes all Puritan! Tom can't stop looking at his laptop! Part 1: The pod dissects a bumper weekend of Premiership action. This round of fixtures saw Saints maul the Tigers, Chiefs canter past Bath, Sarries squeeze past Harlequins and Gloucester defeat a limp Waps. At the bottom, Falcons boosted their fading survival hopes with a win against Sale and a basement ding dong saw Warriors hold on against Bristol. We also have a brief look at the Super Rugby and Pro14 results over the weekend, with Leinster being shocked by Edinburgh and the Waratahs securing a famous win over the Crusaders. Part 2: The European Express roles back into town with some mouth watering Quarter Finals lineups. The pick of the bunch are Racing against domestic rivals Toulouse, Leinster against Ulster and Clermont vs Saints in the Challenge Cup. HUGE SCOOPS is back with a bang. Martin Johnson’s green eyes of envy, Eddie Jones sulking over Lions and Paul O’Connell’s Stade exit all feature. Part 3: The Hall of Fame is dusted off, with the greatest escape acts the topics of discussion. Finally, we end on listener questions which includes which player the pod would like to be gunked on Get Your Own Back.

Ooh, I'm Danny Care, I've Got Jam In Me

A brand new rugby podcast by two guys who love rugby and cider - and one who only loves rugby.