Miscellaneous
Some people are microwaves. Some people are crockpots!MICROWAVES are fast processors who are able to quickly identify their feelings, needs, wants, etc." I think, I feel, I need, I want, how about you!?!They make the error in assuming others can too! They expect to have conversations right now, right here in the moment. Their mantra, "Don’t go to bed angry!"A CROCKPOT is a slow processor. They need time to let it all settle in before they can wrap their minds around what the think, feel, want, etc. Their response to the microwave... "Ummm......."They feel pressured when asked for a response in the moment and may give a response to appease the microwave. Later to resent the microwave for being "pushy" and they may not agree with their answer. The microwave will say, "What? I thought you were ok with this now. Why are you still upset?"?SOLUTIONMicrowaves give your crockpot time. Say:"I have some thoughts I'd like to share when is a good time?”How about a week from now we can get back to this and you can share with me your thoughts. Does next Tuesday work?"Accept the crockpots differences and need for time.CROCKPOTS-Accept the microwave is quicker & it's ok. Change the story from them being pushy to them being quick processors.Ask for time. "This is really important and we need to talk about it. How about this Friday we make time to address it. Does that work?"I don’t have an answer right now as I need time to think about this. Let’s talk tonight."Change the narrative from them being pushy to being quick processors. It's their super power!We must understand that we're all different and have different needs. Guard from making the mistake that others think, feel, need, want, and react with the same motivations & same way as you. If we don’t understand our differences we will unknowingly shame one another by holding unrealistic expectations for ourselves & others as we hold to ideals and shoulds.I hope this model is helpful. It's one I created and share with my clients.To learn more skills, please sign up for Dr. Shawn's newsletter at www.drshawnhorn.comAlso, follow on Instagram and facebook @drshawnhornWatch The Shame Sister Show & Dr. Shawn Horn's YouTube channel and subscribe!