Society & Culture
6th Anniversary episode Hello, and welcome to episode 131 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in! Welcome to my six-year podcastiversary ya’ll!!! I am so excited! But first... Today’s episode is brought to you by Omio. Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all: Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win situation right? Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up we need in 2021! Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply. https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385 END DATE: July 31st Well! Six years! Whew! I’ve lost episodes, I’ve had to have Zoom techs help me find an episode in the middle of the night during my time, while the rep was on the other side of the planet during the middle of his day. I’ve had to ask an interviewee for a re-do. The most humbling thing a podcaster has to do. I have literally cried tears over an episode that got messed up. More than once! I’ve felt like putting away my podcasting gear and finding something else to occupy my time. And not neatly putting it away, throwing it across the room! Having started this podcast, this platform, from scratch; I recall when the number of downloads I now get in a day, was my total number for a whole month! That is what you call from scratch! And as time progressed I received emails, Facebook Messenger messages, voicemails, feedback, (I love feedback you all, hint hint) left on my childlessnotbychoice.net website. You know you can do that right? Just click the link that says ‘send a voice message, and you get 90 seconds to leave me a message. Some have had so much to say they’ve left several voicemails in a row! I love it! And speaking of hearing from people, I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution every month. My Patreon Contributors. Be sure to visit the Patreon site regularly as I will be placing more content in there just for you! More on that a little later. If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit http://www.patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your mailing address. It is secure in the Patreon platform. If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, as I was saying, I love to hear from you. In fact, while I was working on the content for this episode I received an email from a new listener. She told me a story that brought some memories rushing back into my brain! I thought I had forgotten those stories but whew! As childless not by choice women, many times we try to find ways to nurture. I mean we were born to nurture weren’t we? As I read her email I recalled how... Once, I was asked to mentor two sisters. They were pre-teens and the story was that their mother was MIA. I believe we had the mentorship arrangements for a few months until their mother came back on the scene. The end. That’s pretty much how it ended. I felt heartsick, and honestly, I felt used. On another occasion, I was asked by a young woman’s mentor to watch her baby while the two of them went to a local event. It was just a couple of hours, but when I took the baby back as soon as I was called, the mother seemed beside herself. The same woman who asked me to watch the baby, came by the house a few weeks later, with a little boy, about 5 or six years old. He was so energetic he almost tore up the house. A couple of days later she called with urgency and asked me to babysit the little boy. Saying she had to go out of town and had no one else to watch him. I got hip to her and told her no. No ma’am. I was pretty hard on myself. Why did it take me three events to see what was happening? To see that what comes naturally to most women was being used against me? You know what I am going to say next, right? Boundaries. It’s issues like these that make it important for us to create and maintain proper boundaries. I found a quote on Facebook: ‘A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect.’--TobyMac, one of my favorite musicians. There is nothing wrong with wanting to nurture. There is nothing wrong with the way we were created. There is nothing wrong with us. The key is to recognize these things about ourselves, and then manage them accordingly. If we don't, others will. You’ve probably heard that people recognize things in us we do not recognize in ourselves. We all have blind spots. Here’s the thing: There is no shame in who we are. We just have to find the right way to be who we are. The right way to be who we are with dignity. We all deserve to have the ability to maintain our dignity. You know, it was an honor to hear from this new listener as she detailed what was going on in her life. A couple of days later I received an email from someone who had just heard the podcast for the first time that day! Wow! Can I tell you that sometimes I suffer from total imposter syndrome!? Still! But who am I kidding? Thank you for reaching out and telling me how much the podcast helps you. It means a lot. You know, I am constantly speaking to an audience that is composed of people who are just finding out they will not be having children. That audience is not quite childless not by choice yet because you may be considering adoption, or thinking of starting IVF. But you did a search and found this podcast. Then there’s the group that has been on this journey for a few short years. You may just be coming into the acceptance phase. You still have your moments, but you can generally make it through your day, week, month, without falling apart...too badly, at the sight of a pregnant woman or a co-worker bringing her new baby to the office, Barely. Then there’s the group, like me, like some of you, who have been childless not by choice for many years. You still feel the little tug, but you can move on with your day without thinking of the incident that caused the tug most times. You seldom get triggered, but it can happen. You are definitely a leader in the childless not by choice space, and can definitely encourage other women in the community to realize that they will make it to a good place. That’s what a journey is all about right? We’re all on a journey, and we find ourselves in different places in, and on that journey. No part of the journey is more or less important than the other. The key is to continue on. To push through. To become what we were put on this earth to do. Keep going OK? Don’t give up. Omio So, thanks again to Omio for sponsoring this episode. Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all? Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win in our books! Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up 2021 needs! Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply. https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385 END DATE: July 31st So, changes are coming: First, Patreon: 1) Patreon--If you are a Patron, I have some surprises in store for you! Reminder, patrons are those who help the show financially, on a monthly basis. They signed up to do that by going to https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice and following the instructions to become a patron. There is actually a button on the upper right corner of the Patreon website that says Become a Subscriber. Follow the steps to subscribe at the dollar amount that you would like deducted monthly. Remember, I have a gift for you regardless of your giving level. There are four tiers: $5.00/$10.00/$25.00/$50.00 per month. According to a 2019 article from LifeHacker.com, 99% of podcasts make zero dollars. See the link to the article in the show notes. I don’t call something nothing, but I guess we all know what they mean. 1% of podcasters are making a living off of their podcast income, including being able to pay their podcast fees. I want to be very clear: I did not start this podcast to make money. People who create podcasts because they think there is money in it, just like the article says, they don’t last. They pod fade, as it is called in the podcasting industry. For 99% of podcasters, podcasting is a hobby or a passion project, they are doing it because they love it. And if they, we, have patrons who believe in what we’re doing, well, that’s just awesome! But I believe I should also advise you that I am actively searching for paid sponsors. Another question that I ask about in the survey. Again, more on the survey in just a moment. And that’s it about Patreon and money for this episode. I hope I haven’t lost you. If I haven’t, thanks for listening to this point. 2) Next, The Community. Many of you know by now that after months of thinking about this, I have decided to close out the Community site that was situated on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. In fact, by the time you hear this episode the site should already be closed and removed from the website. I emailed everyone who was a member of the community site, and I posted a message in our Facebook groups. I want to make it clear that I LOVE Community. I believe Community keeps us mentally and emotionally in tune with each other and with our journey. Community allows us to manage our loss in a healthy way. Until I decide what’s next Community-wise, I really do suggest that you join the Facebook group if you haven’t already, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan. Remember, that is a group for women only. There is also the Supporters of the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. That group is for everyone. I also strongly suggest that you subscribe to the newsletter if you haven’t already. I’m not one to overload your email with stuff. Those of you who are subscribed can attest to that. But being subscribed will definitely keep you in the loop. Please subscribe or join a Facebook group to stay in the loop. And remember, feel free to email me just like the two listeners above did, at civilla@civillamorgan.com. Stick with me for a few more minutes. I want to share just a couple more things with you. In June I was happy to be a panelist on the Gateway Woman June webinar--’ Celebrating the Spinster’. I know, most of us who are single and never married would shudder at the thought of being called or calling ourselves spinster. But after that conversation, I totally understand why the author Donna Ward whom I interviewed, see episode 126, link in the show notes, used that word. You’ve got to listen to this conversation. It was an eye-opener for me when I got the light bulb moment. Be sure to listen. Also in the show notes is the link to the study Donna Ward mentioned in the conversation. I hope you will take the time to read it. We need to have a plan as we age, especially if we are single and childless. I’m not trying to scare you or stress you out, I just want you to think ahead. Well, I am happy to share the following with you: the founder of WCW--World Childless Week, Stephanie Joy Phillips, asked me to share the following with you: "Did you know that World Childless Week will be running for the fifth time this year from the 13th – 19th September? Each day has a different topic: our stories, childlessness and sexual intimacy, leaving a legacy, men matter too, have you considered adoption, we are worthy and moving forwards. You have the freedom to express yourself in any medium you prefer, from dancing to writing and everything in between. The founder, Stephanie Joy Phillips, welcomes your submissions from now until the 29th August. You don’t have to be a professional and you have the choice to remain anonymous. Stephanie says the most important thing to remember is the week is for us and about us, a way to share both our darkest secrets and happiest moments. The Childless Not By Choice community deserves to be seen and to be heard. You can find full details of how to make a submission and learn about all of the other events running during the week by taking a look at www.worldchildlessweek.net". 3) Soooo, the survey. There is a survey link in the show notes that I would really like you to take the time to take. Your responses to the survey questions will be read by myself, only. I am serious about making this podcast better and better. You don’t get to six years without making changes from time to time. And I am willing to do that, with your help. Your responses will help me as I continue to make changes and updates on this podcast, this platform. Are you in this with me? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please complete the survey. The link is in the show notes. Survey link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link Lots of changes right? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but change is good, no matter what you’ve heard about it. Especially when it makes things better and it’s not just for the sake of change. Sooooo, last but definitely not least, I would like even more eyes and ears on this podcast and this platform. I would like you to rate and review this podcast. It’s very easy to do. You can go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click on the Podcast tab, and under each and every episode you are given options such as share, leave a review, etc. Click leave a review, and follow the steps. Even easier, if you listen on Apple Podcast, tap on the Library tab, tap on the Childless not by Choice podcast, and scroll down to where you will see Ratings and Review. As I look it looks like there are more people rating it than reviewing it, but do what you are comfortable with either or both. If you listen on the Stitcher podcast player app, you can click the heart for a particular episode. On Overcast, you can click the star. Well, I think I am finished! I am so excited to still be podcasting and to still love podcasting, even during the crazy times. I am really excited to not only be a part of this awesome community called podcasting. But I am excited and honored that you are listening and that these episodes are making a positive difference in your life. See you in August! Bye! Articles of interest: https://lifehacker.com/youll-never-make-money-podcasting-1838640571 https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-126-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditation-on-life-my-conversation-with-author-donna-ward/ https://vimeo.com/559979682 https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=065cec3ede&attid=0.1.3&permmsgid=msg-f:1701853975113270514&th=179e332c6e3684f2&view=att&disp=inline