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Today I want to focus on guilt around grief, you know I hear this a lot when people are talking about grief and you'll notice I'm grabbing this, these are Reggie’s ashes that I wear with me and you know, there's sometimes guilt, shame, anger around a grief and this is why it's so important when we're teaching the Mentally STRONG Method is that we help you to separate these things. I'm going to tell you about guilt today. The guilt of “could I have done something different? What did I do wrong? Could I have changed the outcome of that day?” The day that Reggie passed I can honestly say as a nurse that his death that day was my fault. This is where it is so important to separate these things. In the grief and the decisions and the choices, it's OK to acknowledge something that you did wrong, but if I would have just sat and ruminated on what I'm about to tell you for the last five years. I would probably be suicidal, honestly. So, we have to make a choice. The ways of how we organize these things in our brain and what we do with them. The night Reggie passed away he wasn't breathing well. Every time I go to the hospital, they never are able to do anything for him. He has really bad days and really good days and so I just thought it's a bad day. I didn't know that something bigger was going on. I typically have really good assessment skills. Like when somebody is not breathing right, that is always an emergency. What the heck was I thinking? I didn't call 911 until his saturations were going down and I couldn't get them back up. When the paramedics walked into Reggie's room, they knew that he was slipping fast. They immediately began CPR. I couldn't believe it. I was so wrong. I walked away, and I started praying. The paramedic asked me to call it, asked me to tell them to stop doing CPR on my own child. I couldn't do it. I tell you that because each of you may have a story that someone else can't convince you, and you can't convince yourself that it was the right decision. It's OK to acknowledge a mistake that caused a tragedy. You also need to forgive yourself. It's OK to feel guilty, but you can't stay there. You cannot stay there. Maybe I would have taken him to the ER, and he would have died at the hospital. I can't say what would have happened if I would have made the the better decision. So, acknowledge if you did make a mistake. Forgive yourself. And allow yourself to grieve the loss. When we talk about the Mentally STRONG Method: Think, Organize, Choose. You can think about that, analyze where you went wrong, you've got to organize it. Put the grief in the right box. Put behaviors and choices in the right box. We are never going to do everything right. You've got to let go of the emotional baggage, that weight that is on you in order to move forward. So, grief and guilt. Try to separate them. The grief, you have to feel that pain. The guilt, you have to forgive yourself and this is why:I truly believe in empowering everyone to be able to confidently say “I am Mentally STRONG.” __Dr. Cristi Bundukamara, Ed.D, PMHNP-BC --- A Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and a Doctor of Healthcare Education has experienced unimaginable trials that have caused many feelings such as depression, anxiety, anger, & overwhelming stress. However, she has developed a new pathway to becoming Mentally Strong & Choosing to be Happy. With purpose, Dr. B has developed the phases that were refined within the Mentally STRONG Method that she created and wants to share with you.https://www.facebook.com/Mentallystronginchttps://www.mentallystrong.commentally_strong_@MentallySTRONG4https://www.youtube.com/c/drbmentallystronghttps://www.linkedin.com/company/mentallystrong