Comedy
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Mattis turns on Trump. America exports it’s latest resource, rioting. LA is engulfed with trash. Oh yea, there is a pandemic, I forgot. America is in desperate need of more guns and what do porn, death and psychedelic toads have in common? . We’ll find out on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Protest and rioting update Let’s see, since yesterday we’ve learned that according to the autopsy report, George Floyd was infected with covid and was feeling pretty good, well at least before he had a knee on his throat, it seems he was on nice opioid buzz from fentanyl. Former Defense chief Mad Dog Mattis is the latest former Trump ally to turn on the Prez. Mattis told The Atlantic, quote: “Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people—does not even pretend to try. Instead he tries to divide.” Trump unleashed back at the news Mattis had thrown him under the bus, tweeting: “I didn’t like his “leadership” style or much else about him, and many others agree. Glad he is gone!” America’s greatest export: Rioting The spread of what seems to be America’s greatest export this week, rioting and violence is beginning to get out of hand across the pond.There was rioting last night outside 10 Downing Street in London. The sound of rioters throwing, well pretty much anything they can get their hands on, at the Prime Ministers residence in London. There have been reports of attacks against journalists by the peaceful protesters in London. One photojournalist was allegedly hit over the head with a bottle by a protester who reportedly yelled “f**k the daily mail,” while committing said assault. Another reporter from Australia was grabbed by a man while on air who made stabbing motions and yelled Aloha Snackbar. There have been reports of rioting taking place as far away as Athens with peaceful protesters torching the American embassy in Athens. Some ho in Houston Our sound byte of the day comes today from Houston. Check out this protester offering her, ah, services to the boy’s in blue of the Houston Police Department. I’ll bet she does. Wonder if she has any coupons for bulk purchases? You know, for the whole precinct and all. LA is nothing but garbage Here’s a protest / riot statistic you probably haven't heard. In LA, the city’s sanitation workers have collected nearly four hundred tons of trash between Friday and Tuesday. Watch Our City dot com reports crews have collected three hundred and ninety five tons of trash, rocks, bricks, bulky and burnt materials created from the recent unrest and looting. Remember, there is still a pandemic Sorry to take the attention away from protests and riots, but we do have some pandemic news to report. Just under two million new unemployment claims were filed last week, that brings the pandemic job losses to a whopping grand total of forty two point six million folks left without gainful employment, and it’s taken one week shy of three months to get there. As bad as that is, the latest figures are the lowest since the week that ended on March 21st, when the full impact of state-mandated lockdowns was felt. But now that we’re no longer under lockdown, and protesting side by side in the streets and all back to work, it’s all good. No worries. Besides, it’s all a hoax anyway. Covid surge probably on the way But just in case you don’t think the whole pandemic thing is a hoax, there is this news. CNN is reporting that new cases of covid are surging in the south and west of the US. Needless to say, the crowded protests here in the land of the free and home of the naive are sparking new worries. Arkansas, Texas and Arizona are states seeing spikes in new cases of the plague. Even the Surgeon General is voicing his concerns over the spread of coronavirus from the densely packed black lives matter protests. Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams told Politico on Monday, that there will likely be a rash of new infections following the protests. One little piece of advice to the protesters and looters, remember, if you die, you can’t vote Trump out of office. So if he gets re-elected, this time protesters, it’s on you, America needs more guns Gosh darn it all to heck, America now has a shortage of... guns! According to left wing Fox News and a shock to absolutely no one, there has been a rush on gun sales since cities across the lower forty eight have been looted and lighted. The article notes that with the double whammy of covid and now the protests slash riots, gun and sporting goods stores have had a rush from homeowners looking to purchase inexpensive firearms to protect their homes. Maybe we need some kind of guns sale index like the infamous government Waffle House index. That way the stability of our society can be measured in the price of an AR-15. Porn, death and psychedelic toads This is a strange one. According to the Guardian, porn actor Nacho Vidal has been arrested by the Spanish Police. No, it’s not a warrant for the silliest porn name on the planet, he’s been cuffed, along with two other people, in connection with the death of a photographer. Now here’s where it gets kinda’ strange. The photographer is believed to have died after inhaling toad venom during some sort of bizzaro cultic ceremony. All of this allegedly took place back in 2019. The dead man, fashion photographer José Luis Abad, according to the legal statement, croaked during a mystical ritual involving the inhalation of vapors from the psychedelic venom of the bufo alvarius toad. Nacho, and the others indicted were arrested on suspicion of involuntary manslaughter and violating public health laws.