Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew! What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space Truckers. That should be enough to make it amazing. Then Stuart Gordon is directing. I'm no huge lover of Gordon and think most of his projects are just ok, but he's competent enough that he could helm a movie called Space Truckers and not make it not amazing. Tack on Dennis Hopper, who is honestly either great or terrible and either would work here.  Yet, there's hardly any of the space truckin' that I want. Now there is a large amount of actual "trucking" but not much "truckin' ". You see the difference? There's lots of talk about shipping rates, independent contracting vs employed trucking, fulfillment services, and contract negotiations. Its like watching Mila Kunis go through the DMV in Jupiter Ascending. I don't want that! I want Dennis Hopper climbing on the side of the truck to punch out hijackers. I want him putting together a convoy of other space truckers who use their big rigs to run over an entire space colony. I want the space fuzz trying a road block but he jumps over them in a 0 gravity twist. None of that happens. This is like Die Hard. It's a movie that takes place at Xmas, not an Xmas movie (I'll die on that hill). It's a sci-fi movie that takes place around trucking, not a space truckin' movie. So if you're me and a lover of truckin' films, you're entering this bound for disappointment. BUT, that doesn't mean there aren't some good things here. Charles Dance is of course brilliant, even with him spending the majority of his screen-time with prosthetics slapped all over him. The killer robots are seriously awesome looking. The gag-gore is fun enough, even though instead of blood someone decided to use bubblegum. There's a few good lines here and there. Which adds up to it still just barely making it a do. We recommend it as a double-feature with some friends. Maybe put it on the front-end feature before The Ice Pirates? Or maybe Oblivion. But make sure it comes first and never ever ever put it next to an actual truckin' film.

Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

Space Truckers - Liquid Beef, cute but not the real thing.

*Warning - Jackie's mic was backwards so her audio isn't perfect. Sorry for any inconvenience.* Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you. So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from the minds of Meneham Golen and Greydon Clark. As the pair rushed the film out in just 56 weeks (from concept to release) in order to hedge their bets against Yorum Globus' Lambada (which released on the same day), what was given to the public was exactly what it deserved. See the lambada was no such dance craze as we've been told. It was a made up craze, likely pushed by the Cannon Group boys so that they could sell tickets to, you guessed it, these two movies. You show us evidence of there being a lambada fervor pre-1990 and we'll eat our shoulder-pad shirts. So yeah, suckers, you bought into some baloney dance fad, you get this thinly put together film in return! However, what The Forbidden Dance actually is, well... it's stinker classic and cult worthy. I can imagine that most might be scared off by the idea of watching a danceical, but as evidenced by Breakin' 2 and The Apple, anyone associated with Cannon Group is capable of blowing your mind with the movie surrounding the often terrible dancing and music (with the exception of 1/3 of the scenes in Breakin' 2). Every sequence in this film could be a highlight reel for Up All Night and Rifftrax. Especially any scene with the atrociously terrible Jeff James (its not totally his fault, his character is a 28 year old man-baby who lives off the teet of mommie's wallet). Just think about the premise here: an American mega-corporation wants to burn the Amazon down (so they can sell ash?) despite a tribe of "Indians" (you racist bastards! They aren't even in North America!!!) living in their destruction zone. The tribe's princess is the only one who can save them (she speaks English) so she hops a flight to LA to try to convince "the Chairman" (of the Board of Directors?) to stop the burning. He isn't in today so instead she forgets about all that stuff and gets a job as a maid, where she seduces said man-baby with her sexy tribal dance rituals/masturbation. After a brief courting period, they team up to lambada their way onto national TV to bring awareness of the Amazon to children who don't do grocery shopping. The only thing stopping them? The evil corp's main hencher, Richard GD Lynch along with man-baby's ex-girlfriend. Now try to write a movie around that premise that ISN'T going to be awesome. We'll wait. From start to finish, The Forbidden Dance is a riffer's paradise and ROFL full. Don't be scared off by the danceical. There's very little dancing in it and when its there, its laughable. It's an absolute blast and a total do from us.

The Forbidden Dance - How we solve global warming

Well I guess if you ever wanted to watch a movie where the cast and crew literally get eaten alive by the stars of the movie, well this is that movie. Its horrifying and terrible and likely contributed to the end of the world. I say that without exaggeration. What Roar is goes beyond anything that Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen, and M. Knight Shamalyan had ever envisioned for a vanity-piece-gone-awry. There is volumes of material that are all worth reading about for this film, so I'll briefly sum up what you should know. Basically, Tippi Hendren and her husband Noel Marshall hatched an idea to make a film about living in peace with animals that are dangerous but misunderstood. Its about harmony with nature. So what they did was bought a large compound in the California desert and then brought in 150 big cats (and 1 elephant) to live with their family and then shoot a film with the lions, tigers, panthers and jaguars as the stars. Mind you this is all done with Noel and Tippi acting as head trainers, veterinarians and Robert Muldoons of the compound - all without a bit of experience or education on how to do so. So they built a set, hired Jan De Bont as cinematographer and start filming himself and his family getting eaten by their pets. This is hubris to the maximum. What resulted was a financial disaster despite taking almost a decade to film of nearly $15 million in losses, your daughter (Melanie Griffith) getting her face clawed off and needing plastic surgery, your cinematographer getting the back of his head torn off, your ranch flooding destroying your set and your cages thus freeing the lions resulting in 14 of them drowning or being shot by authorities. This not only inspired the scumbags that are "big cat rescue" buttholes but DIRECTLY resulted in Tiger King (Carol Baskin bought many of her big cats from Tippi Hedren). Unbelievable. Now for the film itself. Is it fun? No. Is it funny? No. Is it riffable? No. What Roar is instead is an absolute nightmare. The horror that takes place on screen is what Wes Craven, Blumhouse, and even Alfred Hitchcock (who likely had an indirect hand in causing this disaster) could only dream of. The torture that Noel Marshall put his children through (and were truly forced to do), his complete lack of human compassion as viewed by not yelling "Cut!" and kept rolling as his actors were eaten in front of him, especially when his step-daughter is mauled while his wife desperately tries to pull the lion off her is display of moral absence that has never been caught on film like this. Noel's own on screen performance which can only be described as daffy all with wall-to-wall circus music score is the thing of nightmares. Should you watch it? Absolutely. This is required viewing. Will I ever watch it again? Hell no. Watch it once and then have your beliefs that maybe mankind's time is done reinforced.

Roar - Joe Exotic's wet dream but our nightmare

He's a real tough guy, but almost everyone he deals with is just a bit tougher, but not tough enough to out tough his toughness. That was until he meets his weekly nemesis, Cat-Man! So Zach Kane is a character. He's a total loser. He's a washed up boxer that now is a borderline vigilante who can barely make ends meet. While that seems like a fairly cliché character model for a late 70s action movie, there's a nice twist to Kane's character; he believes he's still one tough guy. He's never come to terms with his loserness, either by denial or just complete lack of context. He keeps getting his butt kicked by life and his own decisions but he's oblivious. Imagine Johnny Lawrence in episode 1 of Cobra Kai but never having any sort of redemption. While this is mostly considered as an action movie, this is much more of a thriller with the plot centering around a man-hunt for a serial killer. The serial killer himself is quite the character as well. He's a rich kid with some serious mommy issues or at least issues with his mommy being an orgy-loving swinger. So he puts on his trash bag hood and stalks the night as Cat-Man. He literally makes hissing sounds whenever he's in some sort of danger. Little Richard is not exactly Zodiac. The cast is rounded out by Sherry Jackson's Jennifer. Jennifer also has some serious mental health issues or at least self-destructive tendencies. First, Sherry Jackson is a smoke-show and therefore so is Jennifer. Second, she's a well-to-do gal who appears to have a stable source of income. Third, she's an LA socialite with connections to the upper crust. Yet, she is given a bag of Pizza Hut by a guy in a parking lot and she's now swooning for him. He's covered in dirt and blood every time she's with him and comes and goes as he pleases, yet within two dates she's in love with our boy Zach. Why, Jennifer? Why?!?!? Bare Knuckles isn't your typical stinker of this vein. It's mildly slow. The action isn't good. There's relatively low amounts of stunts. There's zero shoot-outs and little blood. Yet, the price of admission is whether you can discover the good movie that is buried in the crap that is the narrative and film production. You may find yourself asking yourself where the line is on bounty-hunting and vigilantism. You may find yourself analyzing the motives of the characters. You may find yourself comparing Zach and Richard to Batman and Joker. You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may ask yourself, well why am I watching this? Its not for everyone, and its not any sort of bad movie show stopper. But it is a very interesting movie with much to be discussed by lovers of bad movies. We say go for it with your other film buddies, but don't bring any rookies in. This is for intermediates.

Bare Knuckles - Pizza Hut's Bag o' Pizza for 2

Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right. Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from Biggles: Adventure in Time and "Stargrove" from Never Too Young To Die. Yor: The Hunter from the Future is one heck of a good time and is required viewing for any fan of the swords and sandals genre, as long as you like stupid crap.  Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Yor: The Hunter from the Future - Stinker Madness Rerun

How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC! The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll: "Once upon a time....in the swamp!" Boom. Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing costume that looks good filled with a dude that is a) confident in his coolness, b) stupid charming. You know he's giving a thumbs-up at some point. What is happening? The production level in the sequel gets a massive bump as well, from the sets to makeup, the lighting, cinematography, explosions, sound design....everything but the acting. Bad acting? Well yes, but it so works here. Fun is the top priority for not just the viewer but those involved on the set as well. Marlon Brando School of Method Acting takes a back seat and that's a good thing. The whole film is an absolute blast with hot-pacing, fun jokes, way over-the-top action, great costumes and makeup, sexy ladies, ridiculous villains, a couple precocious scamps, awful acting, and some very subtle cinematography and special effects that reinforce the talent of one Jim Wynorski. This one can't be missed. Expect to see this again in Year in Review. There is a very small occasional click in the audio of this episode. Adobe Audition isn't a great program. It's really small and you may not even notice it, but we want to apologize for it in advance.

The Return of Swamp Thing - Stinker Madness Rerun

Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing? It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his way to Leland nuttiness, Harry Manfredini ready to give the hot licks, Alan Moore's material, the backing of DC loaded up on cash after Superman. How did this go wrong?!?! The makeup is awful, the costumes are atrocious, the writing is beyond nonsense, the story is a big question mark and then the way the whole thing ends is just nuts. This truly is one of the worst comic-book movies of all time. That aside, it's a total blast - cheesy, cheesy fun. Swamp Thing is completely useless, despite having super-strength and healing powers. He mostly just chucks guys out of boats, then lets them get back in, then chucks them out, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, Barbeau's Cable, is just getting nabbed over and over again. Useless. The end...wow. Whomever thought that your epic climax would best be shown by a battle over a knight's sword between a man-pig and a guy in a loose rubber costume was going to wow audience's....yipes. It's a must-do bad movie.

Swamp Thing - Stinker Madness Rerun

Get ready to meet the most righteous dudes of movie villians and the most disappearing of protagonists. John Rad gives us one of the biggest and most glorious of trainwrecks in film. Black Pepper is coming your way, buster! What you've got here is one of those "hey we found this movie, does anyone wanna finish it?" Filmed in the mid-80s this wasn't released until 2005 with an assist from Drafthouse. Much along the lines of Miami Connection its a masterpiece in bad filmmaking by a nice person and cost everything for failure. Sadly the director, John Rad (or Jahangir Salehi by his true name) had this movie sit on a shelf for 20 years and not have it released to the right audience until it was far too late. John died before this movie could do so. But what a gift to leave the world. Thanks John! While on surface this may have a fairly cliche revenge/lady Punisher plot but wow does this get off course fast. Mina (who may be our protagonist if she hadn't disappeared for 1/2 the movie) goes on a murder spree of rapey dudes after seeing her fiancé murdered by "The Bikers". Her lady vengeance lasts for only 1/5 of her murders before she shifts gears and starts killing random dudes and trans night walkers. All while, David (her dead fiancé's brother) tries to find her by sitting at another detectives desk. Eventually David decides to stalk "The Bikers" which leads him to the top of "The Bikers" food chain (or just the most popular biker, we just aren't clear). Thus the hunt for Black Pepper begins. Yes we don't even know about the antagonist (or if there even is one) until there is only 30 minutes of film left. Then the worlds greatest 30 minutes in cinema begins. The Hunt for Black Pepper could be its own movie. The decision to cast Bryan Jenkins (who is Head of the Drug Dealers in the credits - despite there no mention of anyone dealing drugs in the movie AND THAT HIS NAME IS BLACK MFING PEPPER!!!) could be its own documentary. We've been told that Black Pepper is a real bad dude. He'll feed you your own balls. He'd cut his own mom's throat if it benefitted him. He's a BAAAAAAAD dude. And then you meet Black Pepper and you're like "THAT'S Black Pepper?!?!?" Without Black Pepper, this would probably still be a do. But with the stunning final sequence this movie is Hall of Fame worthy and is a must see. Its fantastic.

Dangerous Men - The Hunt for Black Pepper

Olivia D'Abo shows up as not Red Sonja in one of the most loathed films from both Schwaz and the beloved Swords and Sorcery genre. I blame Dino....again. Is it worth $4 to watch this movie? You’ll have to make it to the end of the podcast for that full evaluation. Is it worth watching if you already have access to it? Yes. This was one of my most hated films. For years I’ve called it Conan the Babysitter. Against the first film, it certainly is but when removed from the “Barbarian” and gauged on it’s own, this stinker is worth a run. It also maintains our current theme of MPAA headscratchers. What says PG? A 14 year old in lingerie? Grace Jones’ whole butt? Bloody decapitations? I would say none of these things should be in a PG film. This one has all of that plus; wizard battles, lame pro wrestling, Schwaz noises galore and Sarah Douglas lusting after a statue.  Though a thorough failure to hold even half the weight of its predecessor, it may be so influential that the Zach Snyder's Justice League is essentially a carbon copy stretched to 4 hours with the edition of glam shots and slow motion. You get a bunch of Lord of the Rings-esque walking around, a glass wizard in a glass house tossing stones at himself, cavemen losing their heads, Sven Ole Thorson rising from the dead, Wilt the Stilt’s acting prowess, bad animation, worse rear projection, young Schwaz in a position of elder statesman of acting and a fucking sea monster.  I guess the idea is, if you are the one who awakens the demon god of world destruction, he not only doesn’t kill you but bangs the hell out of you (just the way you like it). This is hoping he isn’t a crappy sea monster who can be defeated by a stacked guy in his underwear, a pop star and the guy from Repo Man. If your demon god of world destruction and banging is a crappy sea monster, said folks will kill the shit out of you and him, then take all your stuff. They’ve been doing it a while and are pretty good at it.  Don’t get us wrong, this isn’t a classic stinker, but it is a pretty good time. It rolls along with minimal drowsiness, has action that is all dumb and even mostly avoids anti-climax. 

Conan the Destroyer - You're Welcome, Zach Snyder

Albert Finney and Susan Day go on a misguided adventure into the dark dealings of a company that... wants to make more effective commercials and light guns? Is Digital Matrix the worst company ever? There I am, watching this movie, wondering what Sam was thinking by choosing this movie for an episode. Honestly, the first 1/2 of this is pretty solid - mostly because you don't know what is going on in the same way that Albert Finney's Dr. Larry Roberts is stuck in the middle of a murder conspiracy and trying to put the pieces together. Then the second half is you focusing on hoping that the movie explains why the evil corporation does what it does only to learn that you never learn. You're lost in the same way that Roberts is when he's zapped by a light gun. Light gun, you say? What is that? Well we'd like to know too. It's power is dubious. What it does is shoot out a white doily pattern that: blinds you makes you "lose time" makes your owner of the gun invisible for a brief time How would one thwart such an advanced weapon that doesn't make sense and manufactured by an advertising firm? Well you simply put up your arm or wear Doc Brown's sunglasses from 2015. So what you're left with is more questions than answers at the end of this. Why did Digital Matrix murder their contract models? What possible gain did they have from doing it? It can't have been to silence them, as their knowledge is the same as what Digital Matrix has released to the public. Why did they pin the murders on Dr. Larry Roberts? Just make them look like accidents. Even if you can't fix their obvious connection, you're inviting this guy to try and defend his name and thus tear your whole company to the ground. Lastly, why did you invent a light gun? You make commercials. I mean come on. One could make an argument that Digital Matrix is making deep fakes so they can rule the world by having politicians say whatever they want but then the politician could just say, "I never said that" and now you've got Congress on your ass (unless Mitch McConnell is still there and then nothing is getting done except orphanage's burning down to his delight). Maybe they are REPLACING those whom have been "Lookered" ala Fallout 4 but that's not something that is happening here. If Digital Matrix had just made good commercials without killing models or bothering with light guns, they would have risen to be the biggest/wealthiest production company in the world - we're talking Apple money here guys. No instead you had a board meeting where Gary said, "What if we murdered our Lookers after we scan their naked bodies?" and everyone else in ties stands up and applauds. If just one of those coffee swillers had just asked "But why?" you'd have a different film. That doesn't happen. Thus Looker suffers from The Idiot Plot and suffers maybe in the hardest Idiot Plot we've ever seen. Because of that, Looker is something that needs to be seen to believed. The second half is such a complete meltdown and beyond inept (Larry's car "crash" of gently placing his Porsche 928 in a fountain comes to mind) culminates in the final battle that is really a battle with the editor lost on what to do with the story. So yes, this is a do from us as a great and fantastic train wreck.

Looker - Stick to advertising, guys

That bad guy from Stargrove hatches a diabolical plan to steal all the dubious chips using bug-bots while Tom Selleck's mustache chases tail AND Gene Simmons. Maybe program your robots to only attack your enemies, Gene. What is Runaway? It falls into this weird pit where you can't really say its a stinker as there is a number of really well done things. Of course, Selleck is great. Gene Simmons is a great villain. Kirstie Alley and Cynthia Rhodes are competent. It looks good. The effects are solid. The "future" world (not sure if its the future as we never have a "Five Years From Now" card) is well crafted. The score is appropriate and subtle. Yet, somehow every bit of good is countered with pure cheesy stink. The robots... how do you build a Roomba to hold a gun? The movie tells us that the runaway that does so has been modified - so this family of 4 put a hand on it that can pull a trigger. It doesn't work. So because the families of America are too stupid to not put handgun holding hands on their dust-busters, local police are now robot catchers with all of the powers of the precinct to catch robots that runover corn and drop cement in the wrong spot. "I'll need a tank, three choppers and sixteen rocket launchers to catch this pizza-bot!" Second to this is the pacing and narrative. While Tom and Cynthia are doing their Geek Squad thing for the first half, a trail of clues that lead to Gene Simmons is put together off screen. They go from turning off robots at a construction site to infiltrating the corporate HQ that Simmon's Luther is hatching his mastermind plan. Luther is a bit of an idiot. Great job leaving that Tupperware full of clues on your secretaries desk and modifying a robot near those chips so that the only way the cops can catch you is to have them come to this office. You boner. While we're being told a very dark tale of technology gone amuck and the Occam's Razor of our relationship with tech, Tom's character is growing a huge chub over damsels in distress held captive by security bots. Back that up with some seriously not funny jokes. Its clear while Crichton is a sci-fi genius, he's about as funny as mud. Toss in the least frightening robots since The Rock Lords and now the scale is tilting to Stinker.

Runaway - Roomba's gone awry!

Another massive video game adaptation comes to us in the form of a fighting game with massive jiggle physics. Somehow they managed to supplement the jiggle with one of the dumbest villain idiot plot we've ever come across. So let's get the obvious question out of the way - is DOA the movie as jiggly as the game - no. The sexuality in the movie is way toned down - due to trying to reach a mass audience including the sexually conservative Chinese market. Bummer. With that in mind, maybe that's a good thing (well good for us) because the focus shifts from bouncy boobs to ridiculous stunts. The male gaze of the camera is still there but the focus is shifted to medium wide shots to get the sheer magnitude of the stupidly ridiculous stunts and wirework. I mean wirework is a great tool for supplementing great stunts but this goes so far over the top that the stupid circles back and becomes awesome. However, as great as all the ladies are, Eric Roberts once again steals the show. Why anyone says, "Oh we've got Eric Roberts. Lets spend $30 million on it" is absolutely beyond me. He stinks so bad and its beautiful. One of the worlds greatest tragedies is that Eric Roberts had a very successful sister in mainstream cinema. Otherwise, he likely would have still been Eric Roberts but would have had to work harder - likely putting himself in front AND behind the camera. We'd have another Tommy and Neil Breen roaming around out there - this one focused solely on karate movies. It would have been fantastic! Anyways, Donovan is the most self sabotaging villain we've ever come across. Seriously, he kills himself and blows up his own island for karate glasses. Wow is Donovan stupid. Despite DOA's nasty reputation, it's a classic stinker and should be viewed by anyone who loves cheesy stupid films. It's great.

DOA - Wait, where's the jiggle physics?

Two "brothers" get chased around so that Robert Patrick's hair can capture the second half of the Double Dragon while teaming up with The Hyper-Color Gang. Patrick should have just drank more vodka. What works best in this movie is everything that didn't work for me in 1994. Everything sucks. The look of the film is vomit. The acting is gut-wrenching. The plot is corny. The action is hammy. The one-liners are a series of eye-ball rolls. Yet somehow, in post-2007, this thing is such an absolute mess of terrible ideas that don't really happen anymore. Most modern movies revolve around just one or two terrible decisions ie. The Great Wall's plot, making the tornado a monster in Hurricane Heist, the dialogue in London has Fallen. This movie is instead a showcase of nothing but terrible ideas and failed concepts that all become awesome now. Take for instance the Lee brothers played by Mark Dacascos (sure) and Scott Wolf?!?!? Why in the hell is Scott Wolf in this movie? Well with our 20/20 the film wouldn't be the same as without. Need more? How about the set design of 2007's New Angeles? How about their future cars? How about Robert Patrick's hair? I could go on for days on the little details that make this movie crap and great at the same time. Double Dragon is something you likely hated when it came out. Its time for you to circle back and see what you think. We loved it. PLUS - a reflection on the Matrix Trilogy with some of our theories on what the hell it is about.

Double Dragon - The Power of Robert Patrick's future hair

Ok, you know what happens in this film. You've seen it at least twice and then have it crammed down your throat anytime you watch anything about 80's pop culture. But ask yourself this: what is Top Gun actually about? Look, this movie is thing because of two reasons: Kenny Loggins and Tony Scott shot the hell out of it. If you remove those two things (or just the Tony Scott aesthetic) you've got Navy Seals again. Think of the world we could have had if Tony Scott sucked at cinematography. Tom Cruises doesn't become a huge deal, Scientology disappears and we never get The Mummy. Sure, Desert Storm might have lasted a few months longer but seriously Val Kilmer might still be funny and Katie Holmes life would have had less oppression/slavery in it. Why? Because this thing is devoid of content. Its Megaforce levels of nothing happening. Yes jets fly around and people have hang down contests with undeclared winners but absolutely nothing happens. When you're more invested in the story of Iron Eagle, you've got a film that isn't exactly Shakespeare. The closest you could come to a story is that a boy with daddy issues shows off his daddy issues. That's not a plot! If you can get past the lack of plot, you might be left asking, "Well what does this movie say about anything?" Here's where things get interesting. I can't help but think Top Gun despite being a cultural phenomenon, was a catalyst to changing the tone to America's foreign policy and military agenda (until 2016 to 2020) - it wasn't a good strategy to use Vietnam era dickheadery anymore. You couldn't just stick jack-asses in planes and point them in a direction and say "blow up whatever's over there". We learned we actually needed people with objectives and ideas and skills and not morons with phallic obsessions in charge. Trump arguably won because his voters were forced to watch this on loop Clockwork Orange style. That's possibly the best theory of what happened in 2016 (its better than "economic anxiety"). So you're gonna have to decide for yourself if the world would be a better place without Top Gun. Seriously, funny Val Kilmer.... Well, I'll get off my soap box. Top Gun sucks and I hate it.

Top Gun - aka Third Grade

Teenagers form up to take down an evil empire in their flying ships. Oh and rescue daddy. And get sage advice from an older veteran. Oh and act like a bunch of idiots along the way. So I had no idea how bad Iron Eagle actually is. I had a level of expectation that it was mostly dumb and corny but WOW Iron Eagle is over-the-top stupid. I mean its hard to describe. It truly has to be seen to believed. Between the plot of a teenager likely bringing about WWIII while rocking out to Queen to flying through Beggar's Canyon in a deathrace to Jason Gedrick's constant deadpan in the face of death AND bad grades, you can just read what a stinker this thing is. I guess if we had to complain, its pretty lackluster in the action department. The action in the front end takes about 3 minutes and there is a long complaining, training and failing sequence before about 15 minutes of action at the end. And by action I mean model airplanes suspended by fishline and strapped with firecrackers getting blown up for about 4 frames. It at no point is very exciting or visually interesting.  While all that is said Iron Eagle is a must view for stinker fans. You might not even remember how bad it is so buckle in for a Hades bomb of dumb and fun.

Iron Eagle - Plane Nonsense

Stinker Madness is a bad movie podcast that loves horrible films that might actually be wonderful little gems. Or they could suck. Cult, budget and "bad" movies twice a week.