Nicole Eggert goes part Robocop, part Wolverine, part Deadpool and all terrible in this cheese-fest from the 90s dark action bandwagon, while also managing to cram in Richard Grieco's true acting ability and still managing to be somewhat boring. This is another movie that has all the things that are required to make a bad movie awesome yet isn't because of the filmmaking elements of the time. The feel and tone of the film bogs down all the awesome crap that happens. Its like a delicious donut served only with Metamucil. Boy, you want to enjoy the donut but your stuck drinking your geriatric medicine. Do you pass on the whole experience? So outside of the clichés of mid-late 90s film, there's a lot of fun here. Richard Grieco is allowed to finally go full Grieco. That's not like letting Nic Cage off the chain, but its pretty close. Grieco would have won a best bad actor SMABFA if we had a podcasting time machine (plus all the evil that Sam would do to hot ladies). His performance alone is worth the price of admission. Next to him, Nicole Eggert isn't good here and maybe never is but she doesn't exactly have a script by David Mamet to work with here. She's stuck lamenting being dead most of the time, while pondering if being a zombie detracts from her attractiveness. She does what she can. Its also not really her fault that her costume sucks and her action moves are wooden. While the film should be lampooned for its acting and script, it should also be applauded for its budget production design and world building on a very limited budget. The Demolitionist's tri-guns that are repurposed prank cigarette lighter guns, the zombie injection chair, the lab for the Lazarus Project, and the mayors office all should receive a "Best Cost Efficient Production Design" Oscar. I'm sure that's what you showed up for, right? So if you can stand those 90s tropes or even revel in how crummy they are, you'll likely greatly enjoy The Demolitionist. Sadly, I hated The Crow when it came out and I hate it now, so the Metamucil of the film reduces its star count to a barely "do" if you've never seen it.

Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

The Demolitionist - Dark Angel or Dark Brain-eating Zombie?

The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites. Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one. What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural phenomenon) is a non-movie. A series of events without what we in the biz like to call a plot is not a movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby falls in love" - that is over within the first 1/3 of the movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby learns to dance and wins the competition" - that happens halfway through. Best we can do is the plot is "Father learns daughter's summer love didn't impregnate a grown woman". That's not really something to put 100 minutes around. Secondly, there's the icky. This movie is dripping with icky. No, it's not the dancing. The dancing viewed through modern lenses is quite wholesome. The icky is the glorification of statutory rape. Baby is 17. Johnny is 25. That's rape, period. Yes it wasn't illegal in NY in 1963. That doesn't make it ok. Stop making exceptions for having sex with children. Its not ok. But wait, there's more ick. The entire setting of this film is a sex-trafficking and forced prostitution resort. The wait staff's job is to bang the daughters of the rich customers and the entertainment staff's job is to bang the lonely wives of the rich customers - whether you want to or not and bitch better have my money. Its gross. With that in mind, should you view this movie? Nope - and not because of the ick. The ick doesn't mean this movie should be censored or "cancelled" as dumb Ohio wrestling coaches gone US Congressmen wish we were saying. The ick just needs to stop being glorified. No, just don't watch this movie because it sucks and is bereft of actual content that makes up a story.

Dirty Dancing Part 2 - Stalking Baby and Her Dad

Dirty Dancing Part 1 - Lawrence Welk's Church and Prostitution Camp

Its Schwazenator vs Y2k fears! The epic battle begins! Meanwhile, Gabriel Byrne gets a handful. So what we've got here is that Satan wants to ensure that the Anti-Christ's mom is gonna be good to go when she's old enough for a rogering. The PROBLEM is that it takes about 15 views to understand that. The film is mostly just nonsense action sequences that could very well be just unconnected events if one isn't taking notes on the dialogue (or listening to a podcast discussing this all). The late 90's...why did you have to ruin every silly movie with your dark pre-apocalyptic tones?!?! End of Days is a cheesy Arnold movie that would have been a classic if it had been made 10 years earlier. But the damn 90's ruined it. You can expect common fair such as jump scares, choppy editing, a hero that hates his life outside the events of the film, and trench coats. Change these things to big hair, exploding choppers and electronic drum kits while leaving every thing else the same we've got a classic stinker. Argh. The action is silly, the plot is nonsense, none of the movie's rules get followed, the one-liners are solid, the dialogue is atrocious and Robin Tunney's top is off. That's enough to pay for the price of admission - but just expect to deal with going through a Se7en wannabe, just like every other movie from this time period.

End of Days - The Devil IS the Reject

If 1980's Hollywood was obsessed with water shortages, the 90s was obsessed with evil cable TV. Here a husband and wife get sucked into a hellscape of television also known as CBS Primetime. So what we've got here is that John Ritter's Roy is obsessed with watching TV and ignores his responsibilities, his kids and his wife. Pam Dobber as Helen seeks for a way to get him off the tube but that problem works itself out when both are sucked into a Devil's Gambit that sends them through various television parodies and tropes. If that wasn't the setup for 90's comedy gold...let's chuck $25 million at it! When you've got parodies like "The Napper Crapper" and "Golden Ghouls", you HAVE to spend $25 million on it! I mean it's got John Ritter and Pam Dobber in it! $25 million! Where everything went right in UHF (even though it was a flop too) very rarely does anything go right here. It's a series of hammy Full House style jokes and groan inducing one-liners. It comes off as a compilation of SNL's worst sketches with the writer's dropping the mic after you vomit. This can be skipped by anyone with anything else to do. Just go watch UHF again.

Stay Tuned - or Just Listen Now

Perhaps it was your favorite movie when you were 9. Maybe you should watch it again as an adult - it might still be your favorite movie. Some movies that have production failures on the level of The Ice Pirates go into the barrel of cinematic toxic waste. The list is so long that we have only started to scratch the surface of such turds. Yet The Ice Pirates is a spectacle. Its failures never detract from what it was attempting to be and accomplish. Usually when you have a Hall of Fame worthy film, it's because of it being misunderstood by a mass audience or falls into the "its so bad, it's good" style. However, The Ice Pirates is what it is - a cheesy great time. There's no hidden commentary. There's no laughing at it ironically. It's just a movie that could never have been "good" by its nature and still manages to be great. The cast is fantastic. The jokes are solid. The set pieces are iconic. And the end is absolutely spectacular. There is a reason so many great writers borrow from The Ice Pirates. If you haven't seen it - watch it. If you have - watch it again. You'll thank us later.

The Ice Pirates - Don't pirate the movie

Its a straight-up western, but because its from 1987 it has to be set in a post-apocalyptic world and instead of cowboy hats, we get hair-spray helmets. Despite everything there might be a good movie buried in the sands. So its Shane, Once upon in the West, Star Wars and Fallout 4. Ok, maybe Fallout 4 is Steel Dawn. Clearly, Fallout 76 is Steel Dawn. Anyways, this is a hot mess.  The music doesn't fit. The world doesn't make any damn sense. The plot doesn't make much sense. The hair makes no sense. The action is ludicrous. The Stranger's one-liners are silly. It's just a pile of not doing a good job and yet...somehow it feels like there's something good here. The tone of the whole movie is a fairly conventional western theme. A lone wanderer with a dark past shuffles into town, where he meets a widow and her son along with their jealous and lonely foreman, and has to defend the farm from a rival who wants their resources. That's about as western (or Japanese samurai, of which most spaghetti westerns are imitations of) as a movie gets. Atop of that is solid camera work that highlights this tone and story. It seems like there's a good movie buried here. Yet because its a PA film, you've got a bunch of nonsense; like sand-people, cool looking but useless weapons, crappy and dirty sets and future cars that mostly suck. You've got characters who don't make sense and motivations that are dubious at best. Sprinkle in some scenes that are bonkers like the romance in the dirt, the party crashers at "the gathering", inept henchmen and why they live in the wasteland in the first place makes this an absolute must do and likely a favorite for many a viewer.

Steel Dawn - Where does all the meat come from?

Its one of those iconic 80's swords and sandals/science fiction blend movies and beloved by many. We can understand why, but this was a massive failure that likely cost the genre decades of great movies until the LOTR Trilogy. So Krull is one of the most expensive movies of the 80s and fails on so many levels. You've got the classic inaction in action (nothing happens during action sequences), the choreography was done by Stevie Wonder, and the effects and sets are so overly impossible to do that they end up looking like 2nd grade paper Mache. The wire work is only worse in Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark. The costumes are atrocious and prevent the actors from actually engaging with each other or the scene itself. Its a mess. While all of that may sound like Red Sonja or Dune, Krull falls more into the Flash Gordon's of bad movies. Its loved because of the cheese and the failures. Add in wizards living with kids in rocks, a doofer for a hero, forgetting to use The Glaive, the cyclops who can see less than the blind guy, plot advancing by "I know a guy who knows a guy", Star Wars similarities and the rules of the universe make this a classic stinker. Krull is one of those unique films that is too long but if you cut it down it'd only be worse. It's not anywhere near a Hall of Fame discussion but shouldn't be missed by anyone except people who have stuff to do, like laundry.

Krull - Gun Swords, NOPE!

It ain't Blade. It's 90s Anne Rice with unattractive people and inept opponents. And it all could have been avoided by drinking tea together. At least everyone is evenly matched. Don's Jack Cutter is way ill equipped and ill prepared to be taking down even lower level vampires. Guns don't work, bud. A sword seriously would have been cheaper and more effective than his shotgun and M1911s. Or a hammer. Use a damn hammer! Why a hammer against vampires? Because the vampires have spines that are made of glass. Well big deal right? Nope that's the only way you can kill them. By breaking their incredibly fragile spine. Huh... And so the idiot plot begins. This entire movie is about vampires fight vampire hunters - all because the vampire hunters want to kill them. Why do the vampire hunters want to kill them? Because the vampires want to kill them. Not because they are abominations. Not because they are eating people. Not because their tired of their goth attire. Nope. Its just a blood feud. So all this could have been avoided if they'd just walked away and the vampires could have used their immortality to benefit the world via medicine, music and exploration, By blood feuding, the vampire hunters are denying the planet a utopian future. Look, it's not great. It's got the feeling and tone of a million other 90s DTV movies (usually staring Jeff Fahey or James Remar) and drags here and there. But the idiot plot, the horrible casting, the stupid karate and the LOL ending all put this in the DO column.

Night Hunter - How vampires went extinct

Charlie Bronson goes to Colorado to deal with that same ol' blood feud when two Mormon bros. branch out into some pretty wild dogma all while Charlie walks around and does some really bad reporting. Bronson's Smith is arguably the worst reporter I've ever seen (Chris Cilliza at least says something even if its moronic) and I don't understand how anything happens in this film around him. We've got your classic idiot plot here. The villains yell out "Hey it's us, look at us! We're the water company! Arrest us!" while the surrounding cast of characters look at a silent Smith for all the answers. Usually Bronson is a blank slate in Cannon movies but I really can't blame him for this one. Smith is just that slow. As for what's going on here... well, it's just Chinatown. These water companies are apparently a real problem and probably require some federal regulation, at least oversight. Yet, somehow the villain's plot just doesn't work. Starting a blood feud to gain access to an artesian water source to inflate company profits for a company that you don't own but plan on buying once its worth a whole bunch doesn't seem like a foolproof plan. While the film isn't your usually Cannon/Bronson banana business, I still think it's a good time. The acting is ridiculous and some of the set pieces are so incredibly stupid (one has a great driving stunt) as well as watching Charlie mumble through his marks makes for a good watch. Don't expect fireworks but do expect some Cannon buffoonery. 

Messenger of Death - BLOOD FEUD!!!!!!!

A town of MAGA boys get a parade each time they win a baseball game and the ladies have had enough of their bull. Sadly, their anger lasts about 24 hours. This is why we can't get anything done in this country. According to Lloyd Kaufman, this is a women's liberation movie. I think he might have decided that way after the fact and the ties to women's lib are behind  boobie movie king, Andy Sidaris saying the same thing. Sure, its got women in leads who want to be treated equally to men, but these are straight up bimbos. Where Andy's ladies were strong and smarter than their male counterparts (also usually topless), Lloyd's lady baseball team are mostly only in it so they can either get their boyfriends back or make the boys fall in love with them. Sadly, the movie never asks the ladies, "Why in the hell would you even want anything to do with these tools?" If it had, the answer would likely be, "Because we also suck." Now, there are little flights of fun here - the over hammering the ridiculousness of their softball league - mattress workers vs appliance manufacturers. The Howard Cosell imitating announcer/narrator. But outside of these little bits, the film suffers from massive tedium, groan inducing jokes, garbled dialogue and people needing to be punted into the ditch. I want to like this movie, but just can't. You can skip it.

Squeeze Play - Its a pickle

Totally awesome video game! Jeff tries to save the community center that doubles as a video arcade with the help from his friends against the dubiously motivated Joe Don Baker who wants to shut it all down. Will Billy Jack win the ski competition to save the school from the rival break-dancers? Joysticks is arguably Greydon Clark's magnum opus. Its all of it. He threw every cheesy bad movie trope he could think of. Amazingly bad/awesome theme song? Check. Not so subtle phallic worship? Check. A nerd with a heart of gold who may or may not be packing heat? Check. Joe Don? Check. Boobs and then boobs on top of boobs? Check. Uncle Rico? Check. Valley girls who just love video games? Check. Filming without permits? Check. Everything is here. While the plot is a fairly loose save the community center plot, there's just so much more here than that. Its a hodge-podge of 80's cheesy personalities with a flair of nothing matters but helping each other out He-Man morals. One might get sidetracked by the holy moly amounts of topless women but try to focus here. There's a ton more going on than some knockers. In fact, there is so much going on that you might have to watch this twice to really get all of it. It's a mega-do from us and shouldn't be missed by anyone.

Joysticks - The Friar Tuck addiction story

Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afllecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker. Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while wishing they were invited to the party you're throwing but you intentionally didn't because they can't play in any reindeer games, OMG you're a total dick, dude) then later comes to you and begs you to watch it with them and then stares at you the whole time until 'the big reveal' and then waits for you to react - you don't and they are shocked. You're not the type of person who will be shocked (you listen to Stinker Madness and know your stuff) and so you're relationship gets even more strained but you feel guilty because of that one time when you were really hard up after your girlfriend (that you thought was at least a 9 but was really more like a 6 and just had a solid set of cans) dumped you for a bartender for a biker bar in a different county and this friend let you stay on their couch while you cried yourself to sleep for three days about 15 years ago. Thanks Frankenheimer! On the other side, you've got one of the worst heist movies ever made - sure its a failed heist intentionally - yet it could never have worked. Ben Affleck's "Rudy" isn't the wildcard that throws a wrench into the works - these idiots could have NEVER robbed this casino successfully even if the character Nick (who Rudy poses as) was in charge the whole time. Its ineptitude to a point that goes beyond bumbling. Then there's the "plan" (the one that isn't revealed until the end) and then you mentally backtrack through the film, you find about 1000 problems with their masterminding. It's unbelievably stupid no matter how this heist could have gone. No these guys are all dead, no matter how things go. On top of all that, there's this tone problem. Is it supposed to be funny? Is it supposed to be dark? Is it a Christmas movie? Is it satire, parody, suspense, thrilling, or is there some social commentary that maybe Paul Verhoeven should have been in charge of? This thing tonally shifts like the day Animal discovers the xylophone, yet Animal is one hell of a percussionist and this is Star Wars Kid: The Drummer. With all that information - this movie is fantastic. Its an absolute must do and is as crazy stupid good time as one can possibly have and we absolutely love it.

Reindeer Games - Rudy finds his nose

Nothing says Xmas like a handful of spinning tornados. And nothing makes less of a Christmas movie than just sprinkling in some Christmas decorations in post. I mean at least have the tornado suck up a tree farm or something! Well, it's not good. That's it, I'll take my leave of you. Oh, I actually have to write up a review? Damn.  While it has the production quality of a SyFy movie, it exceeds past anything The Asylum can do. Part of that comes from Casper Van Dien. CVD has this unique ability to carry a movie enough to put it in the "do" column. "Oh this movie is a 4? Well I'm gonna have to put it on my back to get it to a 6." Secondly, the production crew knew what they were doing here. They have very little to work with but getting it done with the tools they have is what they do and then they have some fun with it. Nothing looks good, don't get me wrong. But they just cram in more things that don't look good to cover up the other things that don't look good. While its not a GREAT bad movie, there's definitely enough here that you won't regret watching it. It's got enough stupid dialogue and stupid characters that you've got some moments of true riffing hilarity. You can skip it, if disaster movies aren't your bag or bad CGI pisses you off, but for the rest of us this is a fine bad movie Sunday feature.

Christmas Twister - Wind Spans and Weather Speeds

David DeCouteau gives us a clinic on how to make a terrible movie in 2 days. Yeah it stinks, but hey! Two days! Suck it, Spielberg! Gary Daniels, Cynthia Rothrock, Kathy Long and Daniel Bernhardt give us the least action packed movie of all time. Yes you read that right. There is a total count of 0 spin kicks. 0 double axe handles. 0 flying leap kicks to the tummy. Literally there is 0 action. You pulled a big one on us David, you got us. LOL. Haha. We've all had a good laugh now, but so can you seriously add a Special Edition which involves Gary Daniels sweeping Chris Mitchum's legs and Cynthia Rothrock giving Daniel Bernhardt a back breaker over the couch while Kathy Long does a flying kick through a window - shattering Andy's (or Justin Bieber?) clavicle?  Two of our podcasters thought this movie was boring and I don't get it. I loved this movie. It's arguably the best riffing movie we've ever seen. I mean imagine Birdemic bad but doesn't piss you off and still manages to capture the true meaning of Christmas - maybe more than Santa With Muscles and I Believe in Santa Claus. I find it to be a true stinker masterpiece.  Sure, I can see your argument that we have to suffer through 10 minutes and 23 seconds of ad-lib croquet. Sure, there's a "fog" that doesn't exist. Sure, we've got a bit of three dudes in a hot tub. Yet, I find it an amazing Christmas experience and I hope you can too.

Santa's Summer House - Santa kidnaps karate people

Stinker Madness is a bad movie podcast that loves horrible films that might actually be wonderful little gems. Or they could suck. Cult, budget and "bad" movies twice a week.