 \"By comparison with relationships forged in blood and love, science has historically given friendship short shrift . . . biologists ignored friendships because unlike romantic or mating relationships they were thought not to affect reproductive success . . . most of us are as guilty as scientists of failing to take friendship as seriously as it deserves. We pay lip service to it but prioritize family and romance, ditching our friends when we fall in love, or letting time with them be the first thing to go when we get busy . . . eacg of us is contrainted by time. But we may want to rethink how we apportion the time we have . . . It turns out that friendship does have survival value in the most literal sense—more socially integrated people live longer than those who are less well connected.\" —Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond Perhaps due to the media I consumed in the 80s and 90s, there was an unconscious understanding that romantic relationships were paramount to platonic. Don't misunderstand me, friendships were clearly portrayed in sitcoms such as FRIENDS, Blossom, Seinfeld, The Golden Girls, Will & Grace, Felicity, The Wonder Years just to name a few, but it was clear that the writers were directed to have their leads be in constant pursuit of the desired romantic relationship predominantly and perhaps more importantly. Subsequently, not aware of the subtle influence of media, in my youth, I made the assumption that friendship was nice, but romance was best. It does appear today, and admittedly maybe due more to my own awareness, that such media portrayals are shifting and broadening to bring to the screen and the pages as well as other media mediums an array of life paths and journeys to find contentment and social connectedness. The value of quality friendships is arguably one of the most important social components of our lives. For each of us, our quilt of friendships will be unique and include amongst it our acquaintances and community (work and personal) connections as well. It seems to me good, healthy relationships of all types - romantic or platonic - benefit when we have a healthy social well-being which fundamentally rests on our social connections. Of course, a social well-being requires first and continually that we include ourselves as part of the social circle; in other words, we need to honor and respect our true selves and not try to cultivate relationships that are contrary to our true temperament, but rather complement and strengthen. When we remember to default to regularly checking in with ourselves, we will know when it it best to repair and invest in certain relationships and when it is best to move on. We will respect ourselves enough to know what boundaries to put in place and how to place them. The great loves of our lives, even the moderately good and life-changing-for-a-period-before-we-both-must-go-our-separate-ways relationships that will hold a special place in our life's journey don't cross our paths frequently. We are fortunate to experience these relationships when we have the courage to step forward and say yes without knowing what the future will hold, but throughout the duration of our lives, it is the friendships, even with those we may fall in love with along the way as we come to know each other intimately, yet honestly, that offer so much more than \"filler\". They offer love, support, encouragement to step into our best selves and step away from limiting habits. They offer kindness and the reminder when we may doubt it that we are lovely and loved. Author, Brooklyn-based science journalist and a writer who has contributed to Atlantic and the New York Times, Lydia Denworth has just released a book on Friendship that I was eager to receive as I find it helpful to explore the context of the research we have accepted as absolute truth and that which has thus gone on to influence how we choose to live and construct our lives. Denworth dives deep into the historical and established science and then examines what has been misunderstood or dismissed or ignored. Moving forward she explores the brain and how it learns to be social and then the majority of the book explores how friendship, the desire for it, our ability to connect or not connect plays a role in the quality of our lives and ultimately, how to live a healthy social life full of sound friendships. Today I would like to share a taste of what I learned as I read Lydia Denworth's new book Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond ~Listening Note: Each of the items shared below are discussed in more detail in the audio version of the episode. ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify 1. Our overall health reveals the quality of relationships we have in our lives \"As we age, the effects of the life we have lived—including our relationships—inevitably show up in the body. Some are cumulative, some are short term.\" \"The strength of your friendships at 50 predicts your health at 80.\" 2. More education and income leads to having more friends \"Education, physical health, years living in the same place, and the number of daily contacts with friends all predicted friendship style. More education, for example, often leads to better social skills, and higher education makes it easier to socialize more widely (at restaurants and concerts, say).\" 3. Friendships help buffer life stress \"After puberty, parents no longer buffer stress for children; friends can take their place.\" 4. A good friendship can be a template for all other relationships \"At its simplest, as in animals, friendship is positive, long-lasting, and reciprocal. Bonds with these traits have the strongest effect on our health and longevity.\" 5. Welcome a diversity of types of friendships \"There are three main styles of friendship: discerning, independent, and acquisitive.\" 6. Friendship circles will evolve, grow, change — and that's okay. 7. Social media isn't as bad for relationships as people believe; in fact it's a net positive 8. Ambivalent relationships (\"frenemies\") are bad for our health 9. It takes about 50 hours of togetherness to make a friend, 200 to make a best friend. 10. Retirement is something to be savored when we invest in friendships In a study shared in Robert Waldinger's TEDx Talk about friendship and good relationship that has since garned nearly 30 million views he shared \"the people who were happiest in retirement had worked at it. They valued and tended to their relationships. They activiely worked to replace coworkers with new playmates. They put in the time.\" Similar to so much of our lives that enrich the quality, it is the conscious choices we make that make a difference in our overall contentment and joy as we go about our everyday lives. Friendship is an undercurrent that when tended to can elevate and bring tranquility or cause unsteadiness and make for a rough journey when neglected or ill-tended. Knowing more, understanding how, is one of the first components to a strong cultivation of what we wish to grow. Certainly, it is not the only step or the final step, but it is important, and then we must be patient with ourselves and those we are building relationships with. In time, good things and a good life will grow. \"Social bonds have the power to shape the trajectories of our lives. And that means friendship is not a choice or a luxury; it's a necessity that is critical to our ability to succeed and thrive. It can even be a model against which other relationships should be measured.\" SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: The Elements of a Strong Social Well-Being, episode #92 Grown-ups vs. Adults: The Difference 15 Ways to be a Friend Worth Having Petit Plaisir: ~Lentil and Kielbasa Salad, adapted from Barefoot Contessa's recipe ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify 

The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style

274: Quality Friendships = Quality Life

 \"Vitality means moving through life with energy and vigor, making deliberate choices and putting to good use the time and energy that we have been granted.\" —Twyla Tharp, author of Keep Moving: Lessons for the Rest of Your Life Knowing how to care for our body which we must not forget includes the mind is a lifelong course of learning. Beginning with the basics of how food is fuel and energy expends said fuel to understanding which fuel is best and how our body repairs itself and ultimately what the body and mind truly are capable of regardless of our age, understanding and then apply this knowledge will have a powerfully positive effect on the overall longevity as well as quality of our life. Highly decorated and revered American dance choreographer, Twyla Tharp released a new book this past fall, and as I appreciated her insights in her previously published book The Creative Habit, I was especially curious to read her new book Keep Moving as she herself is in her mid-seventies and more fit than most adults in their prime. However, what I quickly discovered is that Keep Moving is not only about the physical movement we must continue throughout the duration of our lives, but the continual movement of our thoughts, ideas and way of living and thinking about the world that is as well ever-changing and evolving. Below are 12 key factors for living and enjoying a physical and mental well-being for the entire length of your life. 1.Practice Growth \"Age is not the enemy. Stagnation is the enemy.\" Both physically and mentally, choose to perpetually be a dynamic individual. Instead of becoming complacent or resigned that certain capabilities are no longer possible once we hit a certain age, vow to always keep your body moving, as well, and perhaps most importantly, your mind. Rather than reminiscing about the past, make sure it is celebrated and/or learned from and then put your focus on moving forward well, learning something new in your next venture into something that provokes your curiosity. Let go of past hurts and anger that may be lingering to liberate yourself to create a better present and then a greater future will unfold. Assess your daily routines: Are they working for you? If not, whip them into shape (listen to episode #272 for help on how to accomplish this change). \"Attempting to maintain the status quo, smoothing our skin, and keeping our tummies trim become distractions that obscure a larger truth. Attempting to freeze your life in time at any point is totally destructive to the prospect of a life lived well and fully. All animate creatures are destroyed when frozen . . . This is not a worthy goal.\" 2. Choose and then Cultivate the Life You Want to Live \"I chose my life, it did not choose me.\" Inevitably, life will throw onto your journey's path trauma, loss and pain, but how you choose to work with these life events will determine the overall quality of your life. You can choose to wallow and seek out sympathizers that allow you to remain in your pain or frustration or anger, or you can acknowledge the pain, let yourself work through it in a healthy manner and continue to strive forward. \"The life we choose pays dividends. The life that we let choose us will bankrupt us.\" Contrarily, you will need to find the courage within yourself to choose to step away from the group when it feels limiting or confining or not aligned with the life you wish to live or dare to create. Nothing need happen that is negative, just a instinctive feeling that something does not work for you. Heed your instincts, explore them gradually, and when you have some footing (it need not be a perfect stance), step away from the group. I am confident you will be grateful you did, more and more so with each passing day. You may be wondering, how does #2 correlate with our physical health? Any time we choose a life that we want to live, we energize ourselves; oppositionally, when we follow, when we go along to appease or to not create conflict, our energy lessens, so much so that we find it hard to motivate ourselves to care for our overall health. It may not occur, and most likely will not occur initially as we follow, but with time, our excitement about living life is dulled, and when we no longer see the joy in living life (because we haven't chosen this life, it has chosen us and we feel 'stuck' within it) we do not, consciously or unconsciously, invest in it. And tending to our health is a fundamental investment. 3. See Your Body's Good Health as a Full-Time Job for a Lifetime Much of society may appear to be modeling that as we age, we become less physical, but the reality and what needs to be realized, Tharp argues, is that \"the older we get, the more we should commit to physical activity\". Ironically, we could have moved less in our youth as our body was helping us out far more naturally than it is able to do on its own as we age. But the benefit of being an active child and young adult is that we can take these good habits and let them be the foundation of our physical activity throughout our lifetime. The benefits of physical activity have been researched and proven time and time again, from sharpening our mind to \"expanding our social, emotional and intellectual well-being\". A shift in how we view physical activity can help tremendously to finding infinite wells of motivation to move our bodies on a regular basis. First, make it enjoyable. Find something you love doing. I used to be one of those gym rats who would visit my neighborhood gym (at this point in my life I was in NW Portland) nearly every day, hop on the treadmill and walk or run for 20-30 minutes. Granted, any physical activity is absolutely applaudable, but I will admit, I felt as though I was in a cage. My lifestyle has certainly changed over the past 14 years as my physical exercise is outdoors nearly every time, and the only indoor physical practice I do, and thoroughly enjoy, is the weekly yoga class I attend. Most importantly, I have found a way of staying physical that I enjoy. Find what works for you and how you can incorporate your physical and natural environment into your playground. And then just do that, play! Tharp reminds readers of the importance of why we choose to exercise, \"Let's not burn calories. Let's use our calories . . . You're burning calories to acquire skills\". When we make this shift of why we are exercising, the motivation is more likely to remain and become habituated. \"Here's what I know: a life that gives the body its due is a happy life.\" 4. Pull up the Anchor of the Past and Sail \"Unless we embrace the condition of change, the past will act as an anchor, preventing growth. I've always been an advocate of habit—but with time, unchecked or unnoticed habits will hold you back.\" Life has many chapters, and not one will be exactly like another. Living consciously gives us the daily practice of assessing what is working and what is not. As Tharp suggest above, habits are helpful . . . when they are helpful to living the life we wish to live. However, habits that go unassessed are the anchors we need to pull up so that we can sail toward and eventually fulfill our true potential. There are many examples in our lives in which a habit worked exceptionally well for a period, but too continue would harm our progress and need to grow. If you are a parent whose children have left the nest, there will be new habits to add and other established habits that will need to be \"pulled up\". If you are an individual who needed to work with great dedication to complete a degree or complete a project or establish themselves in their career requiring long hours as there were deadlines to meet, etc., the habits that enabled you to be focused and strong in dedication will need to be relaxed so that you can find the balance to enjoy the life you have worked hard to secure. 5. Choose Optimism Tharp acknowledges that \"aging can promote a condition identified by psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania as learned helplesslness . . . believing we cannot change our outcome leads to lethargy. Negativity and stagnation go hand in hand\". The remedy is actually quite simple, but it does require us to become clear about the life we wish to live, to do the homework of living, living well and being conscious of our instrinstic motivators as well as the external motivators and determining which truly align with our most sincere self. Tharp suggests, and I concur, what we need to do is align our actions with our values. Often we say we wish to live one way, but our actions speak differently. Sometimes it will take grand courage as we will have to speak up to those in our lives who will be affected if we change our routine, our way of engaging, etc., but often it is how we speak to ourselves, how we allocate our time and where we spend our money. When you begin to see how to better align your actions with your values, it becomes easier to be optimistic because you are now fully supporting the life you wish to live and not unconsciously fighting against it. Momentum happens more freely without resistance. The primary point is we have more control over the quality of our lives. We are not helpless. And we need not accept that things cannot be different. They can be, and will be when you choose to shift how you live your daily life. A simple way to begin being more optimistic is to see the simple beauty and awesomeness in the everyday. When you focus on the good, on the positive, on the beauty, you begin to see more of it, inspire those around you to see more of it and ultimately begin to create more of what you wish to see than what you do not. Check out my IG account and the hashtag #tsllelevatetheeveryday for simple visual reminders of everyday beauty. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1olOMGg3m5/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 6. Plan - Put Your Hopes into Action Currently, I find myself moving into the planning part of customizing my home, but admittedly, it is easier to dream and hope that it will all come together. But hoping and dreaming won't bring it to fruition. While certainly, the first part of the journey may be a hope or a dream, it cannot be where we remain. Referring back to the premise of Tharp's book and #1 on this list, growth needs to be perpetually occurring in our lives, and so, we must step forward and put our hopes into action. How? By planning, and tending to each step listed in the plan. Sometimes it is hard to actually make the step toward our desired goal, but the momentum provided with each step, makes the next step easier. Seeing your money being spent on whatever detail, item or necessary piece of the journey needs to be spent can be initially hard to do, but if your plan is clear and your goal is in alignment with your values, you will reflect upon the money spent as an investment and be thankful for your courage to step forward and put your hopes into action. 7. Strengthen and Maintain Your Stamina \"While many of our physical tools diminish noticeable as we age—speed, flexibility, and power—we don't have to lose stamina.\" Moving your body, keeping your muscles strong, on a regular basis will fundamentally keep your stamina strong. And what helps build and strengthen and maintain your muscles? Repetitions done regularly. It may not be fun initially, but in reference to #3, find an approach that engages you, and cultivate it into a habit that is part of your daily/weekly routine. Tharp has a handful of suggestions on pages 96-7. Eventually, the stamina turns into endurance which is \"a combination of willpower, focus, intention and grit—essentially a matter of character and mental toughness\". \"The wonderful thing about stamina: it doesn't deplete through a long period of grinding work; with sustained commitment, it builds and builds, up to the moment when you need it most\". 8. Small changes can make a big difference \"When I can't build a cathedral, I build a bridge to get there.\" Whether you are trying to welcome new habits into your life as the new year begins, trying to build a dream that will take time to materialize, the small steps, the small actions and small everyday dedicated efforts will eventually lead to the grand change and actualization you seek. 9. Build a foundation for your future Compound interest plays a role in our physical and future physical lives as well as in our financial lives. When we \"work hard now to reap greater rewards in the future instead of finding [ourselves] in a panic at your dwindling account\", we are building a future of a wealthy good healthy life well into our later years. The working hard is doing what you can now as early as you can in your life physically to maintain the three pillars of a healthy body: strength, flexibility, aerobic (view more Health & Fitness posts in TSLL's Archives). Start where you are, but push through the necessary discomfort, aka as challenging pain (but be aware of the difference between that and warning or chronic pain). Each time I have taken a week off from yoga or the first time I hop on my skis in the new winter season, 48 hours later my muscles are talking to me. It is not a bad pain, in fact, I applaud myself for pushing myself further, but I also am reminded to get back on the regular schedule so that I do not have to feel it everytime for the same reasons. 10. Dekludge Tharp introduced the term 'kludge' to me in Keep Moving which is any short-term inelegant solution. In other words, it is using a convenient 'fix' for a hiccup or problem, but not the best fix. To dekludge is to check our ego at the door, and this is not easy for most of us, and especially hard for some of us. As the pages of our book are turned and new chapters arise, \"you have to be willing to find other ways of being in the world beyond those that have served you well throughout your life\". In other words, we have to self-assess (which is a good skill to hone no matter where we are in life's journey and to practice it regularly). We have to become aware and then challenge unproductive behaviors in order to live our most fulfilling and best life. Tharp suggests our kludges are \"all trade-offs and allowances [we] make to deal with deflating circumstances—by ignorning, tolerating, or avoiding the situation. Sometimes we're aware that we're settling for less than optimal. Sometimes we believe we don't have any other choice. We treat them as systematic, the way things are. These kludges shackle and slow us down.\" Any time you adhere to \"the way you've always done it\" as your sole reason for doing something, most likely, you've found a kludge that needs to be let go. The good news is that with maturity, dekludging has the ability to be far easier. \"[With maturity], we've learned that no one else is responsible for our success or survival. It's up to us to erect a stable scaffolding that's not stressed by temporary fixes and what is left can be pretty amazing.\" 11. Adjust to Improve Your Life \"All master adjusters learn to push their strengths and drop everything else—resentment, insecurity, doubt, physical handicaps.\" With life, we have the opportunity to gain experience, and with that experience we can handle new life experiences far better than without the earned experience. And perhaps life's difficulties never become easier, only different, but because we have the past experiences, we are able to better and more easily navigate through them without working ourselves up into a frenzy or racheting up our stress-levels unnecessarily. In other words, we become better able to soar through life and not be knocked down by the gulls and gusts that will inevitably happen because we know how to foresee their coming further from a distance and either avoid them altogether or when caught by surprise, dance with them rather than fight them so as to preserve our energy to better enjoy the many good moments that await on the other side of the storm. 12. Become Keepers of the Quotidian \"Finding absolute beauty in the humble, the everyday, the living, the growing, the becoming is a skill that can be practiced with more than just the eye.\" Using all of our senses as we go about our day is a skill to master for living well. Sometimes being so acutely aware can be heartbreaking which means we need to live consciously and choose how we engage with the world and who we engage with. However, once we are aware of the power of engaging all of our senses, our everyday (quotidian) lives magically appear to be in brilliant Monet-esque color. From the scent of the rain that falls on the dry ground, to the feel of the fresh, seasonal produce picked up at the market to the sound of chirping birds enjoying their morning meal in your yard's bird feeder, when we pay attention to these details with our whole being, our appreciation and love of life rises. Good health asks of us to invest each day, but the investments need not be expensive or back-breakingly painful. How wonderful to understand that simply by instituting enjoying daily habits we can improve our overall well-being to further ease our mind that not only is our present more enjoyable to experience but so too will be our future. I highly recommend Twyla Tharp's new book, Keep Moving. I whizzed through it during my two week holiday this past month as she offers her own experience as a renowned dancer and choreographer who is now in her 70s as evidence of what indeed does work, as well as introduces readers to many others who have inspired her journey of good health and wellness of mind and body. SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: Why Not . . . Treat Your Body Like a Temple? Why Not . . . Get and Stay in Shape? 4 Healthy Habits for Continual Self-Growth, episode #17 Petit Plaisir: —Simple Bouquets combining two different textured, but similar hued floral varietals - one more formal, one more whimsical. Not only will this save money, but it will add a depth of intrigue and beauty beyond a single varietal bouquet. ~See a couple of examples below from my own home. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5xdmv8gpnL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/B4-g-QNgWia/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/B5QiT9vAtoS/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 

273: 12 Key Factors to Life-Long Physical and Mental Good Health

 The new year rolls around and there is much talk about resolutions and cultivation of a life we wish to live. It is old news to share that many resolutions are unfulfilled; however, BJ Fogg argues that perhaps we have had a faulty instruction manual to be successful in our pursue of lasting change. Released just this past Tuesday, December 31st, Tiny Habits: The Small Changes that Change Everything asserts in fact that it is the small, seemingly easy changes of habit we make in our lives that will lead to grand transformation of ourselves and therefore our overall lives, even our relationships and especially our health and overall contentment. After devouring the book in two days during my getaway to the coast, I wanted to share with you eight takeaways that will introduce you to this shift in approach. I have already begun to implement two new tiny habits into my daily routine and look to add a third when my teaching schedule resumes this week. The good news, if you have already written your 2020 resolutions, is that upon reading the book, you will be able to look at them more closely and construct and approach them in such a way, according to Tiny Habits to ensure their success. And if you have not created resolutions, maybe you have decided due to previous frustration that doing so is just a waste of time, taking a look at the list of takeaways below may shed some light on why past years were less fruitful than you would like and even encourage you to try again and see better results. 1.All behaviors happen due to the occurrence of a prompt \"The Fogg Maxim #1: Help yourself do what you already want to do by designing a good prompt\" Fogg shares many different examples of how prompts permeate all areas of our lives. The example that resonated with me was his example regarding taking a shower, \"After a shower, I always dry off. After I dry off, I always walk into the bedroom\", etc. etc. etc. There are three different types of prompts that we can choose from and that we are guided by in our behaviorial routines: person, action and context prompts. Action prompts, such as the one shared above are the most useful because they serve as an anchor. Attach the behavior you want to happen to a behavior/action that is already happening and will happen habitually. One I have incorporated over the years and have continued to do without fail (which surprised me at first how quickly it took hold) whether I am in my house or traveling is upon going to bed (which will happen every evening), I take a glass full of water with me and place it by my bed. Upon waking in the morning, the only way it is returned to the kitchen is if it is empty. A hydration habit that encourages me to drink more water. Fogg also discusses what he titles \"Pearl Habits\" which are habits that are prompted by an irritant outside of our control. As I shared in the first post of the year, we can only create the change we seek when it involves ourselves and internal responses or behaviors; in other words, to set a goal that involves the behavior of someone else is a futile goal as we have no control over the other person without manipulation. When it comes to Pearl Habits, use the irritant as a prompt to do something that is positive or helpful for your everyday life. The example shared in the book is an ex-wife who coparents with a husband who is quite negative and her response each time his unwanted behavior or comments arise is a prompt to her to practice a mini moment of self-care in her daily routine. Each of our irritants and habits will be unique to our situations and lives, but even the unwanted events beyond our control can be helpful in pursuit of the change we seek in the new year. 2. Remove unwanted prompts \"You can disrupt a behavior you don't want by removing the prompt.\" From removing unhealthy food and drink from your cupboards or refrigerator to moving the television into another room to inspire more conversation and gathering in the main living area, removing the prompt that tempts us to return to behaviors and habits that are not helpful is one of the simplest solutions to instituting the permanent change we seek. 3. Understand this truth: You change best by feeling good — not by feeling bad \"What happens in your brain when you experience positive reinforcement isn't magic —it's neuro-chemical.\" Fogg refers to Instagram in his example of how positive emotions help to quickly create a habit. We snap a photo, we easily filter the image, we share. The feeling of sharing a \"unique artistic creation\" bolsters your sense of capability and thus inspires you to continue to use the app. Not only was the Ability part taken care of as it was very simple to do, it was also positively rewarding - the must-have ingredient of emotion. \"Emotions create habits. Not repetition. Not frequency. Not fairy dust. Emotions.\" 4. Celebrate to permanently integrate the habits you want into your life \"Celebration is the best way to create a positive feeling that wires in your new habits . . . in addition, celebration teaches us how to be nice to ourselves — a skill that pays out the biggest dividends of all.\" In episode #163, the show shared how improving happiness in your life is a rewiring of the brain, a creating of new neurological tracks. We truly can change how we see the world and go about our days and thus experience more happiness and contentment if we consciously choose to do so. This is where celebrating comes in, and I LOVE this component. :) Quickly, celebrating is not equivalent to rewards (Fogg explains this in detail), but after reading his explanation: celebration need not be a giving of something to yourself (that is a reward), but celebration must come immediately after you have completed the new behavior you wish to become a habit - that is when the rewiring in your brain begins to take place. It is possible for a reward to simultaneously be a celebration, but not easy to do as it must come immediately afterward. The good news about this distinction is that it will cost you nothing. Celebration is just as it sounds - a burst of exultation, a happy dance, a humming of a happy tune that just makes you happy each time you sing it, a jump into the air with a grand grin on your face. It may sound silly at first, but think about instances with young children who are learning any skill, even when I think about my pups and training them, when we give immediate praise to those who are under our care, we demonstrate what is wanted and thus makes them feel good due to the praise. This is nurture at its most basic, and we've been nurtured by others our entire lives whether we knew it or not - applauded for certain choices and behaviors, etc. Once we realize we can do this for ourselves to incorporate positive habits into our daily lives, we can be the cheerleader for ourselves, and we need to be. The simple act of celebration begins to gradually and then significantly rewire our brains to seek out the space for the behavior to happen as it actually will prompt the release of dopamine, the feel good hormone. 5. Improve relationships by understanding Fogg's Behavior Model What is Fogg's Behavior Model (the book provides many helpful visuals), simply it follows this equation: Behavior = Motivation & Ability & Prompt. When these three components converge at the same time, the habit takes root, and Fogg disputes the claims that have been made endlessly, (even here on TSLL, so I am correcting myself now) that there need to be a particular amount of repetitions of a new habit for it to become habituated. Not so, he states because if it feels good to engage in the new behavior (#3), the habit will form very quickly (he brings the readers attention to a teenager receiving a new smart phone and their habit of checking it incessantly if given the freedom to do so without practice). When we understand the model, and how it works in our lives, we can better observe and therefore, understand the behavior in others. We may not be able to change the behavior as other people need to make their own choices, but if we are providing the prompt, or if we are making the ability easier or if we are providing the motivation, that is what is in our control, and we can change each of these if we do not like the behavior that is the result. Similarly, as a parent or a partner or a loved one, we can have conversations that are based on logic and reasoning allowing the emotion that may have caused electricity in prior conversations (and not the good kind of electricity) for potentially a more productive dialogue. 6. Cultivate an environment that prompts the change you seek \"The skill of redesigning your environment makes your habits easier to do.\" Earlier I shared how removing the negative prompts is helpful, but so to is cultivating an environment that encourages the change you seek. If you are working on improving your eating habits, create as Fogg and his partner have done - a SuperFridge - glass containers filled with food ready to eat - food that is healthy, delicious and beckons them to enjoy it. Not only is the food supportive of the healthy habits they seek, but it is also aesthetically pleasing to look at, inviting to the eye. The Motivation component of Fogg's Behavior Model is tended to which then adds to the Ability component and the Prompt is as simple as being hungry and opening the door of the fridge. Boom! A new positive behavior begins. 7. Master your mind, and step into the identity you wish to embody \"When you can let go of old identities and embrace new ones, you will soar in your ability to go from tiny to transformative.\" Fogg explains how psychologically \"all humans have a strongly rooted drive to act in a way that is consistent with their identity . . . there is a good evolutionary reason for this —when food, shelter, and other resources depend on group unity and collaboration, it is critical to reliably predict what a person is going to do.\" Simply by understanding why our current identity is something that may be hard to step away from, but also knowing that when we \"successfully embrace an identity shift in one area [we] often prompt change in other areas\", we increase the skill of mastering our mind. Fogg suggests going to events or learning the language or spending time or reading books by experts in what you are trying to learn, understand or improve. Simply by shifting your environment, you begin to shift your identity. For example, if you are want to improve your skills in a particular sport or physical activity, attend events or read books or attend lectures by experts in the field. If you wish to improve your ability to cook with ease in the kitchen without recipes, seek out those chefs or cookbooks or even watch Chopped which shares people doing exactly what you hope to do so that you can with ease step into your kitchen each day and cook a delicious, yet far-less-time-consuming meal. 8. Tiny successes, when cultivated consistently, will lead to transformative change \"Start where you want to on your path to change. Allow yourself to feel successful. Then trust the process.\" Chapter 6 focuses on the transformative change that can take place when you grow your habits through the Tiny Habits process (a confluence of Motivation+Ability+Prompt). But more importantly, we must begin with a clear idea of the change we wish to make. Fogg uses the analogy of designing a garden we wish to grow into a beautiful and abundant space of Mother Earth in our own backyard. Once we know what want to grow, we can then begin cultivating the behaviors that will enable what we plant to successfully reach their fullest potential. Where to begin? Start small (refer back to the quote above). Start so small, it is almost too easy to think, you are creating new habits. Fogg began his flossing habit, but simply flossing one tooth at a time. Yep, one tooth. This allowed him to feel successful from the first attempt. And as he reminds, \"Success leads to success\". The reason for the first attempt to be successful is that you want to create momentum, so remove the \"demotivators. This allows the natural motivator (often it's hope) to blossom, which in turn can sustain the new behavior over time\". Once your motivation begins to rise, you begin to see your confidence in your own ability to make the necessary change rise, and you begin to understand you can do harder behaviors as well. The more I read Fogg's book and came to better understand his Behavior Model, the more I realized what he claimed to be true in the introduction: Many of us have had the wrong instruction manual all along, and while some of us may have been successful in spite of the misdirection, none of us should blame ourselves for not being successful in our pursuit to welcome positive change into our lives. I am of the understanding that as Marie Forleo shared and titled her new book Everything is Figureoutable, and as Tiny Habits reveals, we just need to understand more fully how the mind works when it comes to habit creation. Thankfully, it truly can be more simple than we may have thought. We can feel good throughout the process of improving our health, relationships, daily routines, etc. We do not have to punish ourselves and we do not have to have an expensive reward to motivate us to try to do something that seems difficult. We need only to increase the motivation, remove the unhelpful prompts, chose an easier task so we believe we can do it from the beginning and then celebrate immediately when we complete the new behavior each time. I am confident we can each apply this method. I shared at the top of the post that I have already begun to implement two new tiny habits into my daily routine after reading the book, so I wanted to share: Removing all tech from my bedroom (I had removed my phone a handful of years ago, but my iPad snuck into my sleeping space as it provides an alarm and my music in the morning, and then, you guessed it, scrolling in the morning as well). How? I am removing the prompt - the iPad will be placed outside of my bedroom, but still be able to be heard and then be placed on a sleep timer at night (I enjoy listening to music to fall asleep). Incorporating more ab strength exercises into my routine. My busy schedule has found me being inconsistent in my strength routine, so I am scaling back, but doing only one rep each work day morning upon getting out of bed. The motivation is that it seems easy and insignificant (but it's not!) and the prompt will be stepping out of bed each morning to let the boys outside (while they are outside, I will quickly tend to one rep of strength). And then the celebrating takes place immediately after each successful behavior. :) If you are determined, as I am to institute changes into your life that will fundamentally support the quality life you wish to live, I highly recommend BJ Fogg's new book Tiny Habits. Hopefully today's episode gave you insight into what the book entails. I appreciated his detailed explanations and visuals, and his ability to share a multitude of examples helped tremendously. ~Learn more about the book: —BJ Fogg, PhD., author of Tiny Habits: The Small Changes that Change Everything (Dec. 31, 2019) ~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~Learn How to Truly Savor Everyday Moments & Watch It Elevate Your Life, episode #163 ~The Road to Success is Paved with Happiness, episode #194 ~Attaining the Change You Seek in the New Year, episode #241 ~15 Everyday Habits to Live a Life of Contentment, episode #93 ~3 Crucial Components to Acquiring New Habits Petit Plaisir: ~Little Women, the film, Greta Gerwig's adaptation 95% - Rotten Tomatoes; Roger & Ebert 4/4 stars ~Listen to Audible's new version of Little Women, read by Lauren Dern (I highly recommend after listening during a 7 hour car ride over the holidays - multiple character voices and sound effects). Remember to go to audible.com/simplesophisticate to earn a 30-free trial AND one free audio book. Opening weekend and Christmas Day release earnings: $16.5-million weekend and a five-day total of $29 million since its Christmas opening, a major performance for a smaller-audience film with a budget dwarfed by the top two films. —U.S. News, source One Way Greta Gerwig's 'Little Women' Film is Radical, The Atlantic This Is 'Little Women' for a New Era, The New York Times The Compromises of Greta Gerwig's 'Little Women', The New Yorker Why 'Little Women' is a Triumph, BBC Why Little Women is for Everyone, GQ PBS Newshour, a discussion with Greta Gerwig (listen to the conversation below) https://youtu.be/9kQuf-dRBGw https://youtu.be/AST2-4db4ic 

272: 8 Ways Tiny Habits Will Welcome the Grand Changes You Seek

 “Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first September was crisp and golden as an apple.” —J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #263 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify Style and comfort. Knowing how to achieve this combination while we travel enables each of us to relax and fully enjoy our excursions wherever our wanderlust might take us. As would not surprise TSLL readers, many of you, including myself, love to journey to Europe, in particular France and Britain, and while I have primarily traveled to France in the summer, and London during the summer months as well, it was during the fall of 2017 that I had the good fortune to travel back to Britain. Expectedly, the suitcase's contents were far different than for the warmest months of the year. So when a TSLL reader recently reached out and asked for style ideas for her upcoming trip to London this October, I came up with the idea to share a seasonal style episode/post for Anglophiles. In the coming months and seasons look for the remaining three seasons for both Anglophiles and Francophiles as having a resource to help simplify the packing process so that we travelers can focus on creating an itinerary that surpasses our dreams. Admittedly, and unsurprisingly, I enjoy selecting the perfect outfit for whatever the occasion might be, but equally as desiresome is to not have to worry about my clothes while I am traveling. Just trusting that what I have packed is exactly what I need frees my mind to absorb the many new sightss, sounds, tastes and interactions which enrich the trip all the more. So with that introduction, I'd like to share with you Style Essentials for Traveling to Britain in Autumn, the city and the country. City GOAL: Layers of style that provide warmth when necessary from the rain and chill, but walkability as you make your way about the city on foot, the tube, bus or taxi. 1.Ankle boots (flat or with a slight heel) to wear with jeans or pants (my Eileen Fisher suede pair seen on the chevron floors of Burberry - here is a similar pair) 2. A short trench, works well with jeans (more casual outfits) and over midi dresses if the quality is top-notch (use promo code RLFAMILY to save 30% site-wide through October 15, 2019). For a full trench, or how to find the perfect trench for you, read my post after visiting the Burberry flagship store in London - The Perfect Trench is Personal. 3. Light-weight high-quality sweater (for layering) 4. Button-up collar shirt 5. Scarves - light-weight, yet autumnal hues (these scarves offer many color options and are well-priced) 6. Pants or dark denim jeans 7. Midi dress, wear with #8 ~The Royal Albert Hall~ 8. Knee-high boots with a slight heel (pack your toiletries and beauty styling utensils inside your boots to save space in your suitcase) 9. A sturdy pocket umbrella (James Smith & Sons are one of the longest running British umbrella businesses and used by the Royal household). You can order online (5-6 color options), or visit their shop in London for even more colors and patterns. 10. Short or long sleeve blouses (silk or light-weight material for layering) 11. Worn in, yet stylish walking shoes for those days when you will be visiting many places and be on your feet most of the day. ~the Dale Chihuly scultipure see in the entrance in the Victoria and Albert Museum~ Country GOAL: Layers for warmth when the rain fall in misty waves never-ending and days and evening strolling about the many towns and shops you come across as well as hikes about the hills and along the coastline. ~the rolling hills in Northern Devon~ 1.Wellies, choose a size and shaft height you feel most comfortable wearing 2. A light-to-medium weight coat that is rain-resistant. I brought my Patagonia coat, and it was perfect. 3. A stocking cap. Primarily it misted often, but when it rained heavily, I stayed inside. If you will be outside when it rains heavily, bring a raincoat with a hood, such as these from Columbia available in many different colors and figure flattering. ~a quiet country road in northern Devon~ 4. Jeans, comfortable for walking, but also capable of transitioning for a nice, casual outing. These J Brand jeans are a classic style - straight-leg - in a timeless color (darker blue is available). 5. Button-up collar shirts, I gravitate toward Shirtini's for their variety and classic cuts and colors 6. Gloves, water repellant, yet warm also 7. Flat or low-heel ankle boots 8. Light-weight sweater or long-sleeve tee The lists shared above were based on my own travel experiences in the city and the countryside during my trip in November 2017. If you will be traveling in early autumn, bring a few lighter and shorter layers (sleeves, even shorts perhaps), but no matter when you travel during this season, if you pack items that layer well, you should be prepared for any occasion. Of course, your go-to handbag for day and one for evening is a good idea to pack as well, and I have even purchased a blow-dryer, rather than worry about adapters as blow-dryers often have more wattage than my adapter can handle. This was a choice I made, and it just made it simpler as the blow-dryer was not all that expensive and I just stow it away in my closet for my next trip to Britain. May you have the opportunity to visit Britain soon, and when you do, feel free to stop back by and share what worked for you! ~Click here for the SHOPTAGR App and to be entered automatically for a giveaway to win $250. SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~10 News Items & Inspirational Ideas for Anglophiles (September 2019) ~episode #185, Give Yourself Permission to be Awkward ~TSLL's Latest British Week Round-Up of Posts (May 2019) ~You Might Be An Anglophile If . . . (30 signs) ~My Devon Vacation Cottage ~London Perfect: A Traveler's Sanctuary ~My Discoveries in the Devon Countryside Petit Plaisir: ~Floret's Flowers, purchasing bulbs in the fall for spring! ~Starting today (and they go fast, so shop soon), Floret's Flowers is selling their bulbs (daffodils, tulips, ranunculus and more) until they are sold out. Last year I purchased two packages of daffodils (40 total) that I fell in love with this past spring and have since brought with me to my new home. I am looking to pick up some tulips this time, and cannot recommend the quality of her bulbs more highly. Unfortunately, she does not ship internationally, but wherever you purchase bulbs, the fall season is the time to plant them so that in the spring you will be greeted from the long winter with their beautiful fresh colors. 

263: Timeless Seasonal Style — Autumn in Britain

 Season 6 of The Simple Sophisticate is well underway as 2019 wraps up and we head into 2020. As I reflect back to September 2014 when the show premiered, I could not have fathomed the engagement it would inspire, the topics and books we would cover and explore nor the people who would wish to be on the show. This year, Apple changed its categories for podcasts, and in so doing prompted me to reconsider how to label the show for new and potential listeners, which turned out to be a boon for the show and new listeners discovering it. With the help of you, the listeners the podcast and readers of TSLL, the selections that were decided upon (#1— Education: Self-Improvement; #2 — Society & Culture; #3 — Leisure: Home & Garden) in no small part contributed to the podcast reaching #33 in the United States' ALL-Time Self-Improvement podcasts. And, as the podcast has a strong Francophile following, when episode #269 - 32 Ways to Be Parisian Chic went live earlier this month, the podcast soared to #5 for the daily Self-Improvement podcasts. As listeners share how and when they listen to the show — while running the NYC marathon, while spring cleaning, while starting the day in Australia, while commuting via car or train or subway, while walking/running with their pups, while strolling along a river in the European countryside, while strolling through a park throughout the vast United States, while winding down at the end of the day in a cozy abode in Canada, and in so many countries around the globe as listeners go about their lives (the show ranked #16 in South Africa, #12 in Hong Kong, #23 in Romania, #6 in Oman, and #2 in Spain!) — I am humbled as well as tickled to realize how TSLL community stretches far and wide, but more so how similiar we are no matter where we call home regarding our interests to live a life of contentment, a life of deep joy and understanding of the world around us as we strive to contribute positively to its future as we savor the everyday moments. How to rankings work? The combination of number of downloads and positive reviews and rankings drive up a show on the charts, and for both of these contributions by listeners, I want to say thank you. So many of you have left positive reviews and high rankings, and as I try to share all of the reviews, sprinkling a few in each podcast episode, thank you for your time to share specifically what draws you to the show. (you can leave a review here on Apple iTunes) Now to the top 10 episodes of 2019 based on the number of downloads. 10. 34 Inspiring Daily Rituals to Ignite Your Creativity, episode #255 9. Celebrating the JOMO and Enjoying Your Unique Chosen Life Journey, episode #251 8. How to Create a Beckoning Sanctuary That Reflects Your Life Journey, episode #250 7. A Lesson, for Women Especially, to Learn Sooner, episode #249 6. 22 French Beauty Secrets Worth the Investment in either time or money, episode #258 5. Why Not . . . Tailor Your Life to Fit You? , episode #246 A well-designed life is a life that makes sense . . . a marvelous portfolio of experiences, of adventures, of failures that taught you important lessons, of hardships that made you stronger and helped you know yourself better, and of achievements and satisfactions.\" —Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans 4. 31 Ways to Practice True Self-Care and Exponentially Improve the Quality of Your Life, episode #242 Mary Beth Janssen describes in her 2017 The Book of Self-Care, \"No amount of massages, hot baths, aromatherapy, healthy food or exercise will sustain us over the span of our lives if not experienced from the layer of our being that is pure consciousness.\" In other words, there is deeper work that needs to be done, but we can still incorporate these surface, pleasure-finding practices into our self-care regimen. 3. 36 Ways to Welcome Joie de Vivre into Your Everyday Life, episode #253 \"I firmly believe that it's the little things we do that eventually add up to a happy life. I am not asking you to change everything about the way you live, but perhaps to reconsider a few details of your daily routine. Remember that joie de vivre is not revolutionary —but it is evolutionary.\" —Robert Arbor, author of Joie de Vivre: Simple French Style for Everyday Living 2. 12 Ways to Make Your Mornings Magical, episode #243 \"When you take control of your mornings, you take control of your days. You get to engage with the world under your terms. You can act, instead of react.\" —Hal Elrod, Miracle Morning Millionaires 1. Attaining the Change You Seek in the New Year, episode #241 “In bringing about genuine inner transformation and change, the Dalai Lama emphasizes the importance of making a sustained effort. It is a gradual process.” —The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. The next new episode will go live wherever you listen to podcasts on Monday January 6, 2020. I'll \"see\" you in the new year! ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify TOP PODCAST EPISODES FROM PREVIOUS YEARS: Top 10 Episodes of 2015 & Fall/Winter 2014 (the show's premiere!) 

Top 10 Podcast Episodes of 2019

 When it comes to the winter holiday season, cozying in asks of us to be inside our homes far more than we would be during the warmer months which is why our homes need to become a sanctuary inside which we love spending time. Over the years my approach to how I decorate for Christmas, the New Year and the wintery weather has evolved, and this year I am excited to share with you 12 ways I have simplify, and at the same time curated decor that surrounds me and those who spend time in my home with warmth, comfort and an abundance of joy. 1.Save money and help the forest and go hunting for your holiday tree in the National or State Forest lands (check your permit for rules regarding where and what type of tree you can cut down). Here in the Pacific Northwest, keeping the forest healthy can be a community effort, and cutting your tree during the holiday season (for only $5/permit) is a simple way to do so. Learn more here. ~Check out my trip to the woods near Mt. Bachelor to find my holiday tree this year. ~Norman exploring in the woods after fresh snow had fallen while I hunt for a tree.~ 2. Elevate the tree As someone who loves a tree all alight to illuminate the home during the short days of December, I also realize how many decorations are needed to decorate a large tree. And admittedly, getting down on my hands and knees to water the tree has never been easy as you try not disturb the decorations or pour water on the tree skirt. Having the opportunity with my house having vaulted ceilings, I opted for a 5 1/2 foot tree and placed it on my pub table. All of my reasons listed above were resolved and I still had a tree that was quite grand as well as far easier to cut and bring back to the car. ~On top of my pub table, while not straight yet, I am loving how much easier it is to decorate and water.~ You may remember I have explored with a variety of sizes for trees over the years (2018, 2016 (a very short and small tree), 2015, 2014, 2013, ), but this height seems to just be perfect - for the amount of ornaments and lights I have as well as my 3. Make natural ornaments Simple is best when it looks as though it belongs, naturally so, when it comes to tree decorating. Adding hand-crafted decor items such as a string of popcorn, dried oranges or pinecones topped with a simple ribbon and jute string, the pinecones picked up on your own property (such as the case for me with a sole tree in my yard), or during a walk out in the woods, adds depth and dimensions without excess. Last weekend, inspired by the many different ideas my mother as donned on her own tree, I gathered up a basket of pinecones, set them by the fire for a morning to dry and then using a hot glue gun, attached jute string to the top of the cone, let it dry and then made a bow out of ribbon and hot glued the bow to the top of the pinecone. In fewer than 30 minutes I had a new set of decorations. 4. Hang decorations which hold memories of love, celebration and your journey As you may have noticed from my previous trees over the years, I primarily hung glittery ribbon and shiny stars and delicate balls; however, each year I had personalized ornaments from my childhood and handmade ornaments from my maternal grandmother. Sometimes it takes us time to understand or know how to decorate in such a way that truly fits with who we are. I don't begrudge how I decorate during those year. I had fun exploring and trying new ideas that caught my eye, and perhaps in the future my preferences will change again. However, this year and for the foreseeable future, I want my tree to feel good (priority #1) and then look good (priority #2). So this year I have hung the handmade pinecone ornaments that symbolize the home I have the opportunity to call my own, ornaments that were handmade by my grandmother, ornaments from my childhood given to me each year by my parents and given to me by my grandparents, as well as now one new ornament from the life journey given to myself each year. This year, it is the copper teapot (brought to my attention by TSLL reader Molly, thank you so very much!). A tree that is certainly signature and makes me smile each time I see it throughout the day. ~One of the handmade pinecones alongside one of my first ornaments given to be by my grandmother.~ ~2019's new addition! The Copper Teapot!~ 5. Selectively or elect to not have a tree topper Similar to my journey in decorating shared above, often my tree topper would be a generic star that I picked up at the local craft store to match the other generic details that adorned the tree. However, after much thought, this year I elected to not have a tree topper, donate my old ones and instead, on the highest branch place a papillon ornament which speaks to the name I have given my home symbolizing something meaningful to me and the journey I am on. Again, your choice to top or not top, and if so, with what, will be unique to you, so that each time you look up, you too smile and are either inspired, comforted about the life you have lived, have the opportunity to live and hope to live moving forward. ~Yep, here is the tree (more pics will be shared on Wednesday), perfectly imperfect and if you look closely at the top, you will see the butterfly (papillon)~ 6. Utilize small copper or metal baking dishes as candle holders. I recently was inspired by a fellow recipient of Sharon Santoni's My Stylish French Box when I saw she used her canelé molds (received in the first Dans Ma Cuisine themed box - the next one will be her next box! Reserve yours now before they sell out - if it is anything like the previous one, you will not be disappointed). As I do not make canelés very often (okay, I have yet to make them for myself - but it's on my list to try!), I wanted to use the molds somehow as they are simply beautiful. ~the cookies were the forefront of this picture as I was taking pics for the recipe, but you can see the canelé molds in the background.~ However, admittedly, copper canelé molds are not cheap, so another alternative is to use brioche molds. Often silver in color, they are unique in their tulip edge design and provide lovely light reflection. Then simply stock up on tea lights (purchase 50 for $7), buying in bulk and purchasing candles in tin rounds so the wax doesn't melt into the molds. Copper Canelé molds Brioche molds (four different sizes) 7. Use the trimmed boughs from the tree as decor placed about the home 8. Choose green, your preferred shade of green, as your accent color instead of red. Granted, each of us will have a preferred color we want to adorn our homes with to signify and celebrate the winter holiday season, and the choice of green, a soft sage green is mine. However, it did not used to be, which demonstrates that our tastes certainly do change. Part of the reason I prefer, and have unconsciously preferred sage or the under-side-of-an-olive-leaf green (as Patricia Wells described) is because it spans beyond Christmas and into the new year, and as I grow older I especially enjoy the final two weeks of the year and the first week of the new year, and I want my home decor to look fresh rather than bright. Now if red had been my year-round decor color, perhaps it would be too much for my aesthetic taste, but I typically use muted neutral hues, so the red is a bit intense for me, and so the green was chosen for my ornaments' ribbon and other ribbons used with decor about the home. Choosing green or one primarily color does not mean we cannot welcome others into our plan, but it certainly helps with coordinating and unifying the decor ideas (as well as shopping each year should we wish to add or replace anything). 9. Make your own unique garland Mix faux and fresh, twist multiple garlands into one large garland, add small white garland lights and replace the fresh boughs when they have dried with new ones. As well, add dried herbs you have kept from your garden to add delicious scent and John's Wort or Eucalyptus to add a unique and different texture. 10. Hygge it up Candles, candles and more candles. A home illuminated with candles, and not because of a power outage, is a beautiful, welcoming and calming place to be. Don't be afraid to keep one or two electric table lamps on as well if all candles may be too overwhelming, but having enjoyed an evening over the weekend in which the afternoon began to drift into evening and daylight disappeared, the tea candles were lit as well as the tree, and the house just felt as though it was one big hug (oh, and Charlie Brown's Christmas soundtrack was also playing, which made it all the more lovely :)). ~An Episode to Listen To: Hygge Phenomenon and Living Simply Luxuriously, episode #148 11. Save money and use the same white outdoor bulb lights used during the summer season while dining al fresco in the late evenings. 12. Reduce, reorganize and donate holiday decor for simpler decorating next year I shared in the most recent TSLL Weekly Newsletter, letter from the editor, that last weekend I took the time to go through all of my winter holiday decor. The result was one fewer boxes of stuff, donating perfectly fine decor that I no longer used or wanted to the local donation center and freeing up storage space, as well as clearly labeling what I have so I know where to find it next year. What a liberating feeling, especially since I became more clear about how I wanted to decorate my home and what no longer was part of my decor aesthetic. Decorating simply will differ depending upon how you have decorated in previous years and what brings you comfort, as well as joy. As we become ever more thoughtful about how and why we decorate the way we do, the winter holiday season will become infused even more deeply with appreciation and deep, true contentment as we celebrate and gather with those we love. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah and best wishes for the upcoming new year tout le monde. SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: 16 Ways to Simplify & Make the Holiday Season Pleasurable, episode #184 An English Christmas Drawing Room Why Not . . . Prepare for a Festive (and Simply Luxurious) Winter Holiday Season? 12 Simply Luxurious Holiday Films to Enjoy Each Year Petit Plaisir ~Quadruple Chocolate Cookies with All the Chips 

271: 12 Simple Winter Holiday Decor Ideas

   When it comes to the winter holiday season, cozying in asks of us to be inside our homes far more than we would be during the warmer months which is why our homes need to become a sanctuary inside which we love spending time. Over the years my approach to how I decorate for Christmas, the New Year and the wintery weather has evolved, and this year I am excited to share with you 12 ways I have simplify, and at the same time curated decor that surrounds me and those who spend time in my home with warmth, comfort and an abundance of joy. 

 \"We have the choice to change our life, to be courageous and to live true to our heart, one that will see us die and live without regret.\" —Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying Dying, death and loss has unwantingly been on my mind this past fall. Rest assured, today's episode will uplift, inspire and remind, but the reason I share what has been occupying my mind these past few months is because I likely would not have picked up Bronnie Ware's new book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. But I am very grateful that I did. Ware's entire book shares her experience working in the palliative care system in New South Wales, Australia, which sprung up from what was originally a blog post. Subsequently, after more than three million people viewed the post, it was thankfully turned into a book which shares detailed five lessons and those special individuals she had the opportunity to spend time with in their final days. Along the way, Ware shares her own journey of self-growth and discovery and how she has applied the lessons she has learned. It is not lost on me that often the books we need find us, and after the loss of a special woman in my life who was very much akin to a grandmother, who having lived a wonderful life of nearly 95 years reminded me with each visit and time spent together the power of a happy heart, and after a cancer scare with one of my parents (they are in full recovery now), along with my beloved boys (my dogs) each in their double digit years, it quickly becomes apparent that life is short, precious and up to each of us to make it something we are proud to have lived, shared and experienced. While we will all make mistakes in our lives, that is the gift of being a human :), we do not have to suffer needlessly if we are willing to open our minds to the stories and life experiernces of others. In the past ten years I have come to enjoy reading biographies and autobiographies to soak up as many life lessons as I can that I would have otherwise not known about (Julia Child is one of my favorite teachers, but so are many others). Today what I would like to share with you are nine Life Lessons that caught my attention as I was reading Bronnie Ware's book. While her book focuses on five overarching regrets, interwoven amongst each are smaller, no less important lessons, to understand and apply to our lives moving forward. As I was reading, I began to celebrate as I discovered that much of what is shared aligns with living a simply luxurious life, and especially if you've read TSLL's 2nd book, you will know that nearly all of these topics are explored in depth. I cannot fully understand the emotional strength Bronnie exercised in each of her experiences, as well, and more importantly, the individuals who shared their stories in their final days, but I am determined to make sure their lessons are learned and applied forward as we go about our daily lives. Let's take a look at the list. ~Reader/Listener Note: Each point shared below is discussed in more detail in the audio version. 1.Extend Kindness and Forgiveness to Yourself as well as Others \"The bravery needed to change your life is easier to find when you are kind to yourself. Good things take time, so patience is also required.\" 2. Appreciate the Daily Journey - Find Joy in the Everyday \"Things fall into place when happiness is already found.\" 3. Let Go of the Need for Validation and Share Yourself with the World \"Taking risks requires courage, but we cannot control everything . . . learning and daring to think without limitations, and not trying to control how things will flow to us.\" The most common regret: \"wishing they had been true to themselves\". ~YOU MIGHT ENJOY: Why Not . . . Get to Know Yourself? (3 part series) ~Explore TSLL's 1st book in which a detailed conversation is shared about how to tap into your true self. 4. Simplify to \"Untrap\" Yourself \"The things we often think we need are sometimes the things that keep us trapped in an unfulfilled life. Simplicity is the key to changing this. Letting go of the need for validation through ownership or the expectations of others also brings freedom.\" 5. Make the Scary Changes \"Just as [trappings] were created over time . . . they can be undone over time. It is a delicate process of determination, bravery and, at times, letting go. It is having the courage to stop unhealthy relationships in their tracks and say 'Enough'. It is treating yourself with respect and kindness, both of which we deserve.\" ~YOU MIGHT ENJOY: Your Fear is Speaking 6. Overcome and Become the Master of Your Mind \"It is the heart that guides us to joy, not the mind. Overcoming the mind and letting go of others' opinions allows us to hear our own heart. Having the courage to then follow it is where true happiness lies. In the meantime, keep cultivating the heart while mastering the mind. As the heart grows, life brings more joy and peace. A happy life want us , as much as we want it.\" ~YOU MIGHT ENJOY: How to be the Master of Your Mind, episode #20 7. Be honest with yourself, and get out of your own way \"My lessons had been in how to allow [fulfillment and pleasure], which was through faith and self-love. I just had to get out of my own way first. That was where the real work lay — learning to own my own thoughts, by clearing away the debris that stopped me [from] letting it all flow.\" 8. Smile at your humanness, let go of perfectionism \"If occasional blockages now surface, I am patient and loving with myself while working through them. Self-discovery is more joyful. I can smile at my humanness.\" ~YOU MIGHT ENJOY: Why Not . . . Stop Getting in Your Own Way? 9. Understand Being Yourself Will Require Great Courage \"It takes enormous courage sometimes. But being who we are, whoever that is, sometimes cannot even be articulated at first even to ourself. All we know is there is a yearning within that is not being fulfilled by the life we are currently living.\" SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: 7 Life Lessons from the Tao of Pooh, episode #237 15 Everyday Habits to Live a Life of Contentment, episode #93 How to Welcome the Magic Into Your Life Petit Plaisir ~Maison Balzac mini candles ~Personalized/Customized Holiday Cards from Papier https://www.instagram.com/p/B5yb5OUAmEI/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 

270: 9 Life Lessons to Learn (and Apply) Before It's Too Late

 \"Everyone knows you don't have to be born in Paris to dress like a Parisian.\" —Ines de la Fressange, author of Parisian Chic, Encore!: A Style Guide (2019) with Sophie Gachet, co-author Listen to Episode #269 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify In 2011, Karl Lagerfeld's muse and the first model to sign an exclusive modeling contract with the haute couture fashion house, in this case Chanel, Ines de la Fressange published her first Style Guide. Becoming quickly a New York Times Book Review bestseller, eight years later, she has updated her much applauded Parisian Style Guide. Parisian Chic, Encore!: A Style Guide was recently released this past November. Having written a detailed a review when her original book was first published (have a look), the updated version contains 50% new content, 300 full-color illustrations/photographs, and is completely refreshed. Now admittedly, much of the original holds true and is still a valuable resource, but if you too have the original copy, you know that the latter half of the book is a resource of addresses of boutiques, restaurants and many other Parisian locales recommended by de la Fressange. As one might imagine, these had to be updated. Today, what I'd like to share with you are 32 Ways to Exhibit Parisian Chic style whether in your wardrobe, home or lifestyle because whether we live in Paris, wish to visit Paris or not, incorporate one or many of her style tips will help us to cultivate our own unique signature style. Let's get started. ~Be sure to tune in to the audio version as much more detail is shared on each of the items shared below. Sartorial Style 1.Muster up courage and ignore the trends (p.13) 2. Create a vintage collection of your own (p.14) 3. Remember to let your style evolve (p.30) 4. Practice discretion when it comes to labels and accessories (p.12) 5. Take on the role of 'buyer' for your own wardrobe (p.15) 6. Hone the skill of 'mixing things up' (p.16, 26, 28, 29) Wear a high end designer pant with a simple white shirt 7. Mix patterns and soften with white (p.21) 8. Know the universal rule of proportions when it comes to good style balancing loose with close-fitting (p.26) 9. Simple is good \"Not everything you buy has to be interesting. A nice scoop neck sweater is a must. You can wear it with jeans and a long necklace —it will look elegant without being boring.\" (p.32) 10. Welcome men's accessories into your wardrobe - especially belts Worn and too long for a traditional outfit, belts with such descriptors are perfect for cinching everything that needs a waist. (p. 27) 11. Avoid fashion faux pas (p. 34-37) Such as T-shirts with supposedly funny sayings and leggings (unless you are headed to yoga class or a your daily workout is calling). 12. Style idea for a date - cropped black trousers, a man's white button-up shirt and low heeled or flat shoes, but don't forget nice lingerie (p.41) 13. Don't be afraid of sneakers (stylish and thoughtful, bien sûr) (p. 45) Setting: a respite in the park for a snack or to simply catch your breath Dress Code: Jeans, a sweater or sweatshirt with a dash or deluge of color and sneakers 14. When packing for a getaway, bring denim (p.48) . . . . . . also a loose shirt, white jeans, two long-sleeved shirts, a white cotton dress (and to view the entire list visit page 48-49). 15. Buy the right leather jacket . . . . . . which is \"as close fitting as possible with high armholes and patch pockets\". (p. 54) 16. Never follow diets. Rather follow Ines' golden rule: \"Pay attention when you are eating and stop when you are no longer hungry.\" (p. 171) Interior Style 17. Remember the truth about dinner parties - they are coming to see you, not for a gourmet meal (p. 170) 18. Dinner party - a simple, yet delicious dinner, followed by an amusing dessert (regarding the presentation). (p. 170) 19. Stick to a central theme in your home decor View/Listen to episode #228 - 21 Parisian Decor Ideas from Ines de la Fressange's New Decor Book 20. Make decor statements with a single piece of furniture - a chair, a settee. Thoughtfully chosen items can stand-out against a neutral palette 21. Welcome the scented candles . . . to every room 7 French Candles I Love (2019) 22.Harmonize containers in the kitchen (p. 152) 23. Use vases to store kitchen utensils (p. 152) 24. Display a painting on an easel instead of the wall (p.156) 25. Collect and display a variety of ceramic items on a table - trés Parisienne (swap regularly) (p. 156) 26. Choose an inviting sofa (large, comfortable, plush is that is your liking) (p. 156) 27. Keep your eye out for a vintage stepladder to place next to a bookshelf (p. 156) 28. Unification in the closet - hangers of the same color 29. Give everything in your closet a front-row seat So you can see what you have and wear it! (p. 162) Final Thoughts 30. Don't worry about buying last season's trends 31. Walk or bike as much as you can instead of hopping into a car (location dependent) 32. Know what true effortless style is . . . \"self-confidence and a smile\" (p.26) SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: How to Cultivate Your True Style All Year Long, episode #149 Parisian Chic: A Style Guide by Ines de la Fressange, TSLL's review (2011) 21 Parisian Decor Ideas from Ines de la Fressange's New Book, episode #228 10 Style Tips to Embrace the French Woman's Approach to Effortless Chic, episode #151 Ines de la Fressange's New Style Guide: Men's Style Petit Plaisir —L'Art du Crime Subscribe on MHz Choice Subscribe via Amazon Prime https://youtu.be/rBKm49kvh_E https://youtu.be/m-tAd33hocM 

269: 32 Ways to Be Parisian Chic

 Listen to Episode #268 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify Today's episode is my recent conversation with returning guest M.L. Longworth. Her latest mystery in her Provençal mystery series became available to readers last Tuesday, and it is the eighth in the Bonnet and Verlaque series: A Noël Killing. Having had the opportunity to read and having thoroughly enjoy the book earlier this fall, I invited her on the show again to talk about the book and so much more. After all, France, and specially Provence, is a place TSLL readers are quite fond of along with myself, and why not learn more about this special place on the map from someone who has called it home for more than 22 years! For the first time, the plot is set during the winter holidays in Aix-en-Provence, which prompted me to ask a handful of questions about Provence during this festive time of year. Of course, food was the topic of a more than a few questions, and Mary Lou generously shares her go-to Provençal cookbooks as well as recipes she enjoys making for her family and friends and items she looks forward to purchasing from the artisanal shops during the winter season. A Noël Killing is a true delight of a Provençal mystery that is cozy in all the right ways, and keeps you on the edge of your seat wondering who will turn out to be the culprit behind the unexpected murder. Be sure to tune into our conversation, and do not forget to discover her Petit Plaisir which is shared at the end of the episode: It is simple and lovely, as well as an inexpensive daily routine that will take the definition of simple luxury to the next level during this special time of year, put perhaps year-round too. Links mentioned during the show: Visit M.L. Longworth's blog Follow on Instagram (@mllongworth) Shop the entire Provençal mystery series, start with the first mystery - Death at the Chateau Bremont Cookbooks recommended by Mary Lou: A Provençal Table: The Exuberant Food and Wine from the Domaine Tempier Vineyard by Richard Olney Patricia Wells: At Home in Provence The Silver Palate Cookbook by Julee Russo and Sheila Lukins French Provincial Cooking by Elizabeth David Listen to our first conversation with M.L. Longworth, episode #203 where she talks about her daily life in Provence as well as about the seventh book in her Provençal mystery series. Enjoy my walking tour with M.L. Longworth during my visit in July 2018 to Aix-en-Provence https://www.instagram.com/p/B3uPlLyA2OG/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link ~Listen to more French-Inspired episodes of The Simple Sophisticate here. 

268: M. L. Longworth Talks Provence during the Holidays, Favorite Cookbooks and Her New Provençal Mystery

 Here in the states, we may officially wait for the holiday energy to be set free, but by the time November arrives, it can easily begin to feel as though the holidays have begun. Whether that is due in part to marketers and shops shifting from Halloween on October 31st to red and green everything on November 1st, or an earnest desire for the holidays to begin by the public, I cannot quite be sure, but what I do know is that I love the three weeks leading up to Thanksgiving of which I am calling the \"pre-holiday\" season. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the holiday time between Thanksgiving and New Year's, but during the first third of November (Thanksgiving falls on the fourth Thursday in November which this year is quite late in the month), I just linger with absolute contentment. Today I would like to share with you 10 activities or ideas for savoring the pre-season period as the year that is begins to wind down to celebration and festive gathering. 1.Set the mood in your home without pulling out the decorations From placing simmering spices on the stovetop to fill the house with luscious, warm and citrus as well as spice-filled flavors (check out my simple recipe here) or simply switching the wreath on the front door to an autumn theme (if you have not done so already), protect, yet acknowledge this time of year that is truly meant to be savored after a summer and early fall of harvest as we gear up for the bustle of the holiday season. 2. Put the yard and exterior of the home to bed for the winter Depending upon where you live and when the temperatures begin to drop, take this time to be outside and winterize the home, tend to the plants that need to be mulched and trim the perennials, as well as plant the new bulbs that will emerge in the spring. Tending to the exterior of your home will enable you to sleep soundly at night during the snowstorms and frigid temperatures knowing all is taken care of so that you can simply enjoy the winter wonderland that appears out the front door. ~Trusted British gardener Monty Don shares a worth-keeping monthly list of what to tend to in the garden during the month of November. 3. Assess your fitness routine and improve now to feel your best during the holidays When we are conscious of the benefit of a good and regular fitness routine as well as a well-balanced eating regimen, we are more likely to do well during the holidays. Establish or cement what is working well and plan now to figure out how you will maintain your ability to stay active and eat well even if you are traveling or removed from your regular environment. 4. Make a favorite fall dessert or main dish for you and the household just because it's fall. From Apple Tart Tatin (check out my recipe and video tutorial below) to butternut squash and apples roasted to perfection for a lovely side dish with pork chops. (The image at the top of the post is a favorite fall dessert inspired by Julia Child - look for my adaptation to be shared in season 3 of the cooking show!) ~Quick recipe for roasted butternut squash and apples: Combine cubes of butternut squash and apples on a parchment lined sheet pan, preheat the oven to 400 degrees, toss the squash and apples with extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper, roast for 25 minutes, remove from the oven and enjoy! 5. Make sure you have something to look forward to just after the holidays wrap up - something simple, low-key and maybe just for yourself. 6. Have fun with fall foliage - arrangements, playing in the leaves, taking photos of unique compositions that catch your eye https://www.instagram.com/p/B4qMNBZgx64/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 7. Take advantage of weekend sales as businesses clear out inventory for the holiday season. Currently many business are having sales during our long weekend here in the states, but that is just a start to what is to come. Whether you are beginning to shop for gifts for the holidays or have a list of items you love but are waiting for a sale, be sure to take advantage if the price is right and the item is exactly what you want. As I shared yesterday, I am looking for a fresh holiday wreath for my front door, and was pleased with Williams-Sonoma' 20% off sale. As well, examine your fall, winter and holiday wardrobe: Do you have what you need? Are there any gaps? The fall collections are about to go on drastic reduction and scooping up your preferred and needed items at great prices will make you and your budget quite happy, not to mention ensure you look your best and feel comfortable going about your day. 8. Forage for the arts and literature and culture you love On Wednesday of this week I will share a list of books, podcasts, television shows and art exhibits to enjoy during the winter season, but what I love most about these three weeks leading up to the holidays is that I cozy inside my house far more than I would during warmer weather and pull out a book (or two, or three) and let the time pass by. The same happens when I discover a great show or when I toodling about the house or walking the boys while listening to a podcast in which I learn something but lifts my spirits or ensures my day will be better after listening to it by either teaching me something or deepending my understanding on something that matters. Perhaps why I enjoyed my visit to Portland last weekend so much and stopping (and lingering) at Powell's Independent Book Store was because books and late fall and winter, along with the shorter days means more time to get lost in a book. Of course reading is savoring year-round, but there is all the more reason to further our knowledge and let ideas percolate giving them time to germinate so that they can bloom fully when spring arrives and summer follows. https://www.instagram.com/p/B4ZHszngxkf/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 9. Get cosy often and lose track of time At the foundation of these three weeks is time without apology for self-care. Self-care needs to happen year-round and on a regular basis most certainly, but since we know what awaits in the near future, no matter how much we greatly look forward to it, we can enjoy it all the more with a fully rested self. As 2019 began, the first Petit Plaisir of the year was the book Cosy: The British Art of Comfort by Laura Weir. Released in early November 2018, her timing was not on accident. The cosy/cozy season truly feels as though it begins with November's arrival. \"Cosiness, for me, is radio 4, slow-cooking, everyday Sunday supplement, long breakfasts, long movies, long phone calls, big jumpers, tangled limbs in a bed or sofa. I enjoy those things even more now that I know indulging them doesn't mean I'm missing out on the big party of life happening somewhere outside and that life can be just as wild and precious in the quiet as it is in the noise.\" —Laura Weir from her book Cosy: The British Art of Comfort 10. Find time to be with yourself, not just introverts researchs finds ~image via The New York Times~ In a recent New York Times article, research was shared that \"valuing solitude doesn’t really hurt your social life, in fact, it might add to it\". Why? With the new and different, wanted and unwanted people you will see and spend time with during the holiday season, there will undoubtedly be swells of emotion, good and perhaps not so good. Knowing how to regulate our emotions will help us navigate what has the potential to be a truly joyous time of year well and most beneficially not only for our own mental health but those around us. And it is with giving ourselves time to be alone that we learn to regulate our emotions. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is something we have talked about often here on the blog, podcast and in TSLL's 2nd book, and continued research finds that mastering this skill has life enhancing qualities. By giving ourselves time to learn how to monitor our emotions which when we are alone with ourselves and our thoughts expectedly will provide plenty of practice until we learn how to calm the tide and just be present, we give ourselves an awesome gift. Perhaps the best give to give during the holiday season, non? ;) So cosy up in your favorite spot, turn on a lovely playlist that will wash over you and just do something that you love. At this very moment I am snuggled up with Oscar by my side in my oversized, very well-used chaise armchair, the jazz fills the house and I am watching the many birds dance around the birdfeeder determining who will have the opportunity to snack for a moment. The emotions are certainly swimming about, especially after the week my family has had with the loss of someone truly special to all of us, but because of much practice spending time with myself, I savor such moments and am thankful to have them. May these three weeks, this \"pre-holiday\" season prior to the holiday festivities be joy-filled and provide many moments of contentment. SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~Sights & Scents of the Start to the Holiday Season (and a sale not to miss!) 16 Ways to Simplify & Make the Holiday Season Pleasurable, episode #184 34 Simply Luxurious Things I Love About the Holidays Petit Plaisir ~The Morning Show ~based on Brian Stelter's 2013 book Top of the Morning: Inside the Cutthroat World of Morning TV ~Habitually Chic's post: Outfits Inspired by Jennifer Aniston's Wardrobe on The Morning Show https://youtu.be/eA7D4_qU9jo ~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #266 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify ~Listen and download the episode here. ~For TSLL reader information:  Some of the links shared on the blog are affiliate links, earning TSLL a small commission at no cost to you. Please know, I recommend only products I genuinely like. Thank you so much. 

266: 10 Activities to Savor Pre-Holidays in November

 A stroll through the Jardin du Luxembourg or one of the many other jardins located about Paris as the many carefully groomed leafy trees turn orange, red and brilliant gold is a memory to savor for travelers who come from far and wide to visit the City of Light during the autumn season. Granted, most travelers wish to visit for many other reasons well, but being dressed for the season ensures the visit will be comfortable and help one to fit in well so as to best experience the city as it goes about its everyday business and routines. Last month I shared Timeless Seasonal Style — Autumn in Britain — with the promise to share each season a capsule wardrobe to pack for both Britain and France. Today, specifically Paris is our focus. To visit during autumn is for a select lucky few, and while I have only traveled abroad during this time of year once due to work restraints, I look forward in the future to more visits during this somewhat \"off season\". After all, from rain, to chilly temperatures, to stunning fall days complete with cobbled streets sprinkled with leaves, Paris in the fall is all the more reason to slip into more cafes, more museums, more bistros and just soak up Paris and Parisian life. Let's take a look at what to pack for a comfortable visit for day and evening in Paris. 1.Sweaters Paris can be quite cold when the right combination of dropping temperatures and whistling wind sweeps through, so having warmth, yet stylish warmth is a good idea. Depending upon how long you are visiting, pack one or two sweaters, at least one being oversized for wearing over slim jeans or trousers. 2. Scarves Just about every person you will see in Paris, men and women will be donning a scarf that is functional and subtly (or sometimes not so subtle) chic and perfectly paired with their outfit. Pack a wool or cashmere scarf for layering with your coat as well as silk large square scarves for wearing with your outfit after the coat has been removed. 3. Opaque tights Whether you prefer classic opaque black tights or what the French call collants fantaisie hosierie, tights with details in them, having a pair to keep your legs warm when you still want to wear a skirt or dress is a simple, yet necessary detail to have packed in your suitcase. 4. Ankle boots Worn with pants, jeans or skirts and dresses, ankle boots are a go-to must-have for the fall season. 5. A Leather or Faux Leather jacket Layering is the approach to ensure you have what you need to stay warm, but also look pulled together. A leather jacket is a versatile item pairing well for casual occasions as well as evening outings. Choose a color that works well with your wardrobe and skin tone, and don't feel you have purchase a black jacket. Shades of brown or grey are a wonderful neutral choice depending upon what you will be pairing with it. 6. Knee-high or Over-the-Knee boots Depending upon your style, choose a boot shaft that is tall, but slender. Over-the-knee boots are quite en vogue at the moment and actually have been worn by style icons for years, those that had the aplomb to wear them. And wear them well they most certainly did. With more and more price points available, if you have a nice slim skinny jean or a skirt that is knee or just above the knee length, consider having some fun with this style. However, knee-high boots will always be in style and work well with all ages and wardrobes. If you are comfortable with a little bit of a heel, knowing you will be walking about in them a bit more than usual, go for a heel, but if not, keep them low or flat. 7. Skirts — day skirts that can transition Knee length or just below the knee skirts are frequently seen on the streets of Paris. Depending upon your body's shape, choose a cut that flatters your figure, but is also versatile to pair with a sweater, your leather jacket as well as a nice blouse. 8. Jeans and/or pants Whatever you feel most comfortable in and can dress up or down easily, pack two or three - jeans, pants or a mixture. Dark denim if you choose jeans and a color of pant that can be worn with at least two different tops you have brought with you. 9. A Trench coat and/or a Wool coat Depending upon what time of the fall season you will be visiting, one or both of these coats is a good idea. Wool coats will be ubiquitous in the winter season, but there will still be warm and temperate days in early fall in which a trench would be perfect. 10. Loafers or sneakers Sneakers are not a no-no anymore so long as they are not trainers. With a vast array of wardrobe sneakers to choose from at varying price points, find a color (white is popular, but it need not be the only neutral choice) that works best with the other items you have brought with you. Loafers on the other hand can be quite comfortable as well and are perfect on those mild fall days in which letting your ankles meet the fresh air won't chill you at all. 11. A crossbody bag As you will be walking quite a bit, even if it is simply to hop on the metro or hail a cab, having a handbag that is secure, yet a decent size without being overwhelming is a good idea. While pickpocketers are certainly something to be aware of, and a crossbody bag will help you keep your purse secure, choosing a bag that is just large enough for what you need is perfect for walking about as well as traveling to and from Paris. And since you are in France, why not choose a Polène Numero Un or Numero Un mini? ~How to Master the Metro? 12. A long-sleeve blouse Choosing a blouse in a print (is always a simple way to make a statement with the other neutral items in your wardrobe) or a solid that pairs with at least two bottoms in your suitcase is a way to offer versatility for both day and evening. 13. One or two dresses While your wardrobe will be dependent upon your itinerary and what you will be visiting and how you best prefer to enjoy the city, pack one or two dresses. Midi-length is quite popular right now and flattering to many different figures and ages. Depending upon how you most feel comfortable dressing up, make sure you have at least one nice evening outfit. If that is a dress, pack the dress that raises your confidence meter at least two notches. For day, choose a dress that allows you to move, sit, stand and still look wonderful. Wearing what makes you feel your best, so much so that you can forget about your clothes and just enjoy being in Paris is possible when the wardrobe is thoughtfully compiled. These items should keep you warm, but also trés effortlessly chic. Finish with a scarf, and a curious heart and mind, and you will look absolutely stunning. ~TSLL's 2nd Book is now available in Audio Format! (Audible, Amazon and iBooks) ~~Click here for the SHOPTAGR App and to be entered automatically for a giveaway to win $500. SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~Timeless Seasonal Style — Autumn in Britain, episode #263 ~22 French Beauty Secrets Worth the Investment, episode #258 ~Top 10 Style & Beauty Lessons Learned from the French, episode #196 ~View all TSLL's Archived French-Inspired posts and podcast episodes Petit Plaisir: ~The Story of French by Jean-Benoit Nadeau and Julie Barlow ~The Story of French by Jean-Benoit Nadeau and Julie Barlow 

267: Autumn in Paris - What to Wear for Timeless Seasonal Style

 \"A true love story isn't a fairy tale. It takes vulnerability and effort.\" Contentment versus misery. Peace versus malcontentment. Joy versus heartache. What separates a life of the former from the life of the latter in each of these side-by-sides is knowing when to leave life up to chance and when to choose to invest purposely, intentionally and regularly. To successfully reach the result we desire, as with any process, there is a particular order in which certain ingredients must be welcomed into the recipe. Just as with making an awakening cup of espresso, not only do the beans need to be of high quality, but the proper tools must be at-hand and the knowledge of how to use them properly understood. Equally important, the water used that filters through the ground beans must be of high quality, and then, after the necessary process has been tended to, then, the results we wished to see and experience with our own eyes and tastebuds will materialize and savored. Understanding relationships, from the one we will have our entire lives - the one with ourselves, to the relationships we have with others, either platonic or romantic, and how healthy relationships work, and what they require of each of us is life-changing knowledge to possess. The \"Before\" \"There are no directions. There are no checklists. There’s no “to do” when it comes to love, there’s only “to feel” and feeling cannot be predetermined, it cannot be forced. It arises when we move from our heads into our hearts, stay present, and let go; when we drop our typical millennial, achievement-driven style and instead, remember, the only thing truly in our control is our ability to surrender.\" —Dr. Jordana Jacobs, in a recent article for We Are Doré I recently received a question from a TSLL reader in her mid-to-late twenties, and I appreciated her candid and sincere question about relationships in which she inquired about how to not be envious of those already in relationships when she is not in one and would like to be. The question inquired about my approach most specifically as she had previously shared she appreciated the celebration and contentment I express of being single (for readers who may not know, I am 40) and enjoying my life. I have shared my response below. \"Great question. I honestly, after thoughtful observation of what I needed in my own life to flourish, have not been envious [of close friends who \"get into\" wonderful relationships]. But I do think my temperament is suited to my lifestyle. I think, especially if you wish to be in a relationship, that if you remain open, but do not focus on finding one, it will happen when you are living a life you love no matter what that involves. The universe can surprise you in the most amazing ways.\" I want to thank the TSLL reader who reached out with her question (I will keep her name private as this was a DM conversation) because I know she is not alone in her quandary. As good timing would have it, after reading this article regarding how currently the culture is approaching dating incorrectly, I found myself nodding in agreement profusely. What I have realized upon reflection as to part of the reason my twenties were unnecessarily exhausting was the energy expended on doing what I thought I \"had to do\". In this case, the idea that I was supposed to be dating or seeing or getting close to finding my life partner. My experience was less about being inspired by other couples and more a response of not wanting to feel like an outsider. However, it was in my thirties that I finally, as I shared in my books, fully invested my time (outside of my daily teaching job) into getting to know myself and invest in opportunities that my curiosities led me toward. More contentment had and has never been before experienced, and in my case, it all happened without a partner and solely due to my investment in the relationshp I have with myself. Our life's journey, as much as we would like them to be made clear, especially regarding our relationships with others, but vitally as important as the relationship we have with ourselves and where this knowledge will lead, cannot be made known before the opportunities cross our path. When said opportunities cross our path, whether they hint where our passion could lead us or a person who we could not have described until we met them and spent time with them, if we are in tune with themselves, so thereby grounded, but also open to the unknown, that is when our lives begin to blossom. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: Why Not . . . Get to Know Yourself? 3-part series episode #179, Choosing a Partner — Part Deux: The Importance of Knowing Yourself & The Crucial Must-Have A Wise Investment: Understanding Yourself by Taking Off the Blindfold The \"During\" \"Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. A lifetime of love is created every single day you are together.\" —Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love As much as our lives depends upon chance when it comes to relationships (with ourselves or with others), once chance has introduced us to the career that speaks our language in a way to offer the vehicle to express our talents and passions with the world or to the person who we mesh with more than we ever thought would be humanly possible, this is where chance steps aside (after all, it has put forth an immense amount of effort) and choice steps forward. Even though the adage \"If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life\" has been stated as fact quite frequently, the fact of the matter is, the idea of \"work\" must be put into context. If \"work\" is seen as a having a negative connotation, then perhaps the quote is true as you are doing something you love doing, but if we look at \"work\" through its benign, literal definition, it involves effort, dedication, diligence and regular maintenance to ensure the career we so love having the opportunity to be a part of our lives keeps humming forward successfully. When it comes to the latter interpretation of work, the same must be said, according to the co-authors, husband and wife, Dr. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, of the new book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love , for loving, healthy romantic relationships as well. Too often, when a couple or a desired career path fails beyond the initial success or wedding day, it is because the choice and chance were flipped. In other words, the idea that technology and endless \"dating\" as a \"to do\" item in our planners would suggest we cannot leave our love lives to chance. But as scary as it might sound, if we wish to find a partner that sees us for who we are, respects us for what we do and desires to get to know us because of this truth, we must strengthen our relationshp with ourselves first and thus fall in love with our lives with or without a partner. In doing so, we are leaving our \"finding\" of a partner largely up to chance. It doesn't mean we don't put ourselves out there, but it does mean putting our phones and all of the seemingly amazingly helpful apps down. Further, once chance has led us, no matter how long it has taken, to what we patiently hoped we would one day discover, we must then regularly make the choice to continue to invest. Both with our emotional vulnerability and our time. If we want our relationship to grow, deepen, strengthen and endure whether it be our relationship with ourselves or with another, we must choose to put the energy forward of our time, our priority and our courage of belief in what seemingly magically introduced itself into our lives and we bravely recognized it to be something that aligned with ourselves. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: 16 Tools to Ensure You Are Ready for Real Love episode #11, 7 Components to Healthy, Strong Relationships episode #252, The Characteristis of Being a Late Bloomer and How Embracing This Gift Could Change the World for Everyone At this moment, each of us are at a different point along our journeys whether in our career, or I would argue calling or the pursuit of our calling as well along the journey regarding relationships. Once we recognize where we are, we can discover the clarity of understanding how to proceed. With the right balance of being open to chance and embracing the responsiblity of choosing to invest, the discovery of unexpectedly awesome abundance and contentment will dance into and throughout our everyday lives. Petit Plaisir: ~Trader Joe's Sea Salt & Turbinado Sugar and Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds https://www.instagram.com/p/B30O3MhABGA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link ~Sponsor of Today's Episode: Click here for the SHOPTAGR App and to be entered automatically for a giveaway to win $250 $500. The winner will be announced Friday November 22nd. ~via affiliate links, some commissions are earned by TSLL. View Full Disclosures at the bottom of this page. 

265: Let's Talk Relationships (with Ourselves & Others): Before & During, Embracing Chance and Choice

 \"Elegance is not something that adds stress or difficulty to our lives — quite the contrary. True elegance . . . means confidence in who you are and what you love, grace in how you handle yourself, and openness to the best in others.\" —interior designer Timothy Corrigan in his new book The New Elegance: Stylish, Comfortable Rooms for Today In many ways, Timothy Corrigan's defition of elegance is a cousin to simply luxurious living. An understanding of what speaks to you, what you need to live your best life and how to dance with the world in which you are a citizen, partner, friend and community member, is a skill and a gift that we can all welcome into our lives. And when it comes to our decor, Corrigan describes in his new book succinctly and vividly how to welcome your own unique elegance into your sanctuary. Today I would like to share with you Corrigan's insights into cultivating an elegant home accompanied by a handful of decor images found in his new book. Having had the opportunity to peruse and read his new book which along with home tours also includes his expertise delineated clearly and specifically for Scale & Proportion, Symmetry, Architectural Details, Impactful Surfaces, The Layered Look, Art & Mirrors, The Power of Color, Mixing Elements and more tips and ideas for becoming your own interior designer, I hope you find a guiding compass of confidence to step into your own home and make the changes or updates that would align with your unique exemplification of elegance. ~Note: Upon reading Corrigan's latest decor book, it was brought to my attention that his previous book was An Invitation to Chateau du Grand-Lucé: Decorating a Great French Country House (2013), and I must say, as a Francophile who loves French country homes, I quickly put it on my wish list. That one looks to be a lovely read full of inspirational decor ideas as well. Why Add Elegance to Your Home? \"Elegance adds immense pleasure to life. To seek elegance — in your behavior, in what you wear and surround yourself with —is a treat you give to yourself and, almost inadvertently, share with those around you.\" Depending upon how you most enjoy spending time in your home, you will invest in different ways. If you are someone who enjoys cooking and sharing your meals with others as a way to bring them together, then investing in a kitchen that is best suited to how you cook enabling you to do so effectively will not only bring pleasure to your life, but provide the opportunity to share with those you invite into your home. In this way, elegance is a reflection of your true self to the world that you invite to cross the threshold of your home. It is not about one-upping or showing off, but rather cultivating a space that dances with you and the life you love living, a home that supports you through your journey and also enables you to soar. In other words, you are not burdened by your home when you choose to cultivate elegance, but rather nurtured. Can Comfort and Elegance Exist Together? \"Comfort is not antithetical to elegance, but rather its support and backbone. No one can feel truly elegant (at least not for long) if he or she doesn't feel at ease.\" When we talk about comfort, there is an underlying presence of security, thus enabling the inhabitants to fully relax and breathe deeply in their own space. Corrigan speaks to this need for security being at the underlying roots of all of his designs, \"The notion of feeling cocooned, protected and pampered . . . is the one effect I consistently try to accomplish . . . an innate feeling of safety.\" Each one of us will define a sense of security slightly or significantly different depending upon how we most enjoy living our lives, but either way, knowing what that definition is for ourselves is a crucial key to decorating a home that is our place of refuge. If books nurture you, then make sure you welcome them into your home in a way that pays them reverence. In other words, let them be seen, let them be scattered if that works best for you so that you have a book wherever you may sit down to relax, let them be orderly if simply seeing them brings you a deep sigh of relief, but either way, welcome books into your home. The same can be said for any pasttime, lifeline or hobby that brings you joy and comfort - musical instruments, photos from your travels, flowers from the garden, I think you get the idea. Go forth and bring your world into your home, and then the elegance begins to flourish. How to Live with Beautiful Items in an Elegant Home \"The secret to avoiding polishing silver is not to put it away, but to use it everyday — then you won't have to polish it . . . \" [in other words] \"use what you have. Use it all. Use it now. Few things are sadder than piles of exquisite porcelain and china hidden away in a cupboard, or a large house in which many of the rooms go unused.\" From the porcelain teacups picked up along our travels to the china set handed down from your parents from your grandparents, use these beautiful, story-telling items regularly and often. I will ease your mind right now and say, yes, you will break one at some time and be heartbroken, but it was being used and loved and appreciated and that how memories remain with us - the repetition of their story dancing about in our minds. And each time we use the item, the memory becomes more vivid and less likely to be forgotten if we wish it to be remembered. We cannot strengthen such a memory if we do not use the items. Case in point, I purchased a teacup and saucer on my trip to Devon two years ago. I only have one, and if I break it, well, it's gone. There is nothing that will replace it, but because I have used it so much (see it here), not only do I have pictures of it in use, but I have used it so frequently, I can describe in detail that mug and all of those wonderful memories come rushing back. How to Use Each Room in an Elegant Home \"Each room has a specific purpose, guaranteeing it will be used. And if something you own doesn't work for you, give it away. If a room doesn't function for the way you live, change it to make it work for you.\" Similar to letting go of limiting beliefs and ways of life, so too can assuming a room must be the room the architect or previous owners planned it be and used it for. Case in point, when I when through my-now-home the first time with my real estate agent, he noted that the small room close the rear entrance would make a great office, as it was wired to be so (internet cables, etc.). Immediately, in my mind, I said, nope. This will be a mudroom. Well, and here again, I would make it a mudroom that would serve my lifestyle and be in many ways, a rear foyer to the home as I will enter it each and everyday from the garage. \"Too often, we succumb to visions of how we want to live —in a sleek, white space, a country cottage, or a grand manse — then we feel bad when we can't live to those fantasies . . . Never buy into a trend.\" As we go through our lives and if we are paying attention to when we are soaring and what helps it to feel this way, we come to realize what we need in our life's routine to feel not only grounded and secure, but comforted and strengthened. Such knowledge guides us through the decorating and appointing of each room's purpose as well. Budget and Elegance \"Great design is not about the size of your space or the budget you spend. It is a reflection of knowing who you are and what makes you comfortable, and living confidently and happily with the objects you choose to assemble.\" My apologies for using my own journey for my examples, but quickly, many readers may remember that my previously own home was 2600 sq feet. Since then I moved into a rental four years ago that was under 1500 sq feet, and it was through living in nearly half of the space that I realized what fit me and my life the best. Now, I will also share that during my first year of teaching, I rented a cottage that was 500 sq feet in Minden, Nevada. That, while thoughtfully designed to make for a cozy and safe home, was too small for my life. But again, we learn as we go. My new home is just under 1600 square feet, perfectly tailored to my life and the life my boys need with a small, but not large yard. There will be times in our lives when we have a choice and other times when we do not, just as we may be making less money than we would like to live the life that would be more comfortable. However, along the way, we can live with elegance. I have found that my time living in rentals — NW Portland, Nevada, NW Bend and even in college — has given me time to experiment, but also explore new ideas (remember that red wall I talked about in my first book? yep, that was a rental, and while I loved it for one year, one year was long enough). Each time, wherever I call home, I have been determined and in a variety of expected and many unexpected ways successful in creating a sanctuary that let me relax and unwind no matter no how much or how little money I earned each month. ~POST TO READ: 7 Simple Ways to Create a Sanctuary Invest in Quality for a Home of Elegance, But Mix and Match Price Points as Well \"You should always buy the best-quality items you can afford, but not everything in a room needs to be expensive. A mix of items of different prices, different eras, and differing qualities is far more appealing.\" From mixing antiques with yard sale finds, custom furniture with shabby chic family hand-me-downs that you will never want to let go, knowing how to marry these two ideas is a skill that becomes easier with time. Much like wearing a quality pair of shoes with a simple pair of jeans and a tee, finished with a tailored blazer, the balance needs to be struck to work well and exude the elegance you seek. Not everything needs to be new or antique, but it needs to speak to the function you require in your life as well as be perceived by you, the inhabitant of the home, as beautiful. Maybe it tells a story that you never want to forget - a framed photo for example or playbill from a play you saw with your grandmother when you were young - or maybe it was an item you saved up for over months, even years, and serves as a reminder of your journey. Whatever you choose to welcome into your space, never forget that quality will last and memories can provide a comfort of confidence when you look about your home. The Gift of Cultivating a Home of True Elegance \"I can assure you that spending each day in beautiful rooms, rooms full of personal items and objects you love, will bring meaning and solace to your life, satisfaction, and even joy.\" Wanting to spend time in your home is the goal. Weekends need not be for escape from our home and everyday life when we create a space that we love spending time in whether we are with others or alone. The decoration of our homes will take time, but with a map of what to look for, a reason for why you want to bring items into your sanctuary and what you want (and need) your sanctuary to do each time you return home, will make the puzzle you are working on bringing together much easier to complete. ~Learn more about Timothy Corrigan's book The New Elegance: Stylish, Comfortable Rooms for Today ~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~22 Tips for Creating a Grown-Ups Living Space ~Why Not . . . Shop Consignment Decor? ~episode #260, 10 Simple, Significant Decor Ideas to Add Luxurious Touches to the Home, Part Une Petit Plaisir ~Derry Girls, Season 1 & Season 2, on Netflix https://youtu.be/UFmFuXH0IRY 

264: How to Cultivate an Elegant Home in the 21st Century

The simple sophisticate is someone who prefers quality over quantity, sensible living over mindless consumption, personal style instead of trendy fashions, has an insatiable curiosity for life’s endless questions and a desire to live a truly fulfilling life rather than being led around by the nose. Inspired by her lifestyle blog The Simply Luxurious Life, Shannon Ables (the original Simple Sophisticate) shares with listeners tips on how to live a refined life on an everyday income. From achieving your goals, preparing a memorable meal, creating a capsule wardrobe, traveling the world (Francophiles tune in as Paris is a favorite destination), and living life to the fullest without breaking the bank, living well is really quite simple.

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The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Sig...

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