Miscellaneous
What do you do when you find out (or suspect) that your teenager is using drugs or alcohol? Whilst it's a common worry or reality for parents, Tracy Kimberg will help you, step-by-step, to resolve this issue. This episode is immediately followed by a meditation to help let go of worry and stress. For help with any issues raised in this podcast, or for a free initial consultation, contact Tracy: Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/ Website: www.tracykimberg.com my name is Tracy Kimberg and this is the waves of clarity podcast. With many years of medical and psychological experience I have often had to do with the not so nice side as a result of someone making the wrong decision. So today I'm going to touch on a very sensitive subject, which is what do you do when your teenager is using drugs. But before we start with that discussion, I just want to say how absolutely over the moon I am after this week being announced as one of the top five podcasts in women. In business. It was a huge surprise. And I feel very, very proud because I never even thought a couple of years ago that I would be doing my own podcast. I always felt quite self-conscious and thought who would want to listen to me, but I've had an extraordinary response to. Everything that I've been talking about on these podcasts and thank you for each and every review that I've received today. I want to thank Claire Maya who wrote it's a fantastic podcast, very well presented and so helpful. Thank you, Claire, for such a lovely review. Then of course, very, very important is if you are listening and you feel that I've touched something that might resonate with you and you feel, Oh, I need to talk to Tracy about this. Then don't be shy. Pick up the phone. Call me text me and let's have a discussion. It will be no obligation free discussion where I can maybe give you a little bit of advice or we can start working with your child, or I can help you in some way to, um, find a better solution to your problem. So what do you do when you find out or you suspect that your teenager is using drugs or alcohol? First of all, I just want to reassure you that it's a very common and frightening worry for a lot of parents. If you suspect that your team is using drugs, it can be extremely overwhelming. And you can be very, very worried and concerned. So I'm going to help you step by step, figure out what you can do to resolve this issue. The first very important thing is to don't ignore it, confront the situation, confronting the situation needs to be done in the right way. It is vital that you have the conversation. In the right way and at the right time, and that you are prepared beforehand, if you only suspect that your child is using drugs, take the time to prepare yourself. However, if you have caught your teenager or found out from another, either a friend or someone has told you, or you found a drugs, then allow yourself time to cool down before you can try and confront or speak to your child. Speaking in anger. It's only going to make the situation worse. And of course, when we angry, we say things that we can take back and we react in ways that we later regret. So I strongly recommend that. If you are feeling upset, make sure that you're all feeling calm and in control before you sit your child down and have that discussion. If you only suspect that your child is using drugs, you have to trust your instincts in this kind, not to ignore it because. You might be right. You might be wrong and it's better to be right. And be able to act then be wrong and not do anything about it. So I recommend that if you suspect that your child is using drugs, that you sit your child down and have a very open discussion and we're not mean open. It means that you have to have your child's trust so that they will feel comfortable and, um, you know, able to be open with you if they are using drugs. When you have the discussion, focus on being, understanding, this includes writing down questions that will help you understand why your teenager is using drugs. Is it to fit in with the group? Is it to cope with emotions, try and put yourself in their shoes, because if you do that, he will be more able to help them. You need to also be clued up about drugs. Do your research in mind, dealings with teenagers, I've often actually found that the teenagers are clueless as to the effects of drugs on the body, the brain and their mental health. I think it is our responsibility as adults to educate teenagers or help them educate themselves about the effects of drugs. One of the places we teenagers can find out about drugs is very obvious. The internet help your teenagers by. Showing them which websites they can read upon or which talks they can listen to or where they can go to find out about drugs. Talk to Frank for instance, is a very, um, great place where you can go. If you have problems with your teenager using drugs, or if there is a teenager listening, if you have a problem, then you can also go and Google talk to Frank and get your answers today. It's so helpful to be able to have a conversation with your teenager. It's not always comfortable, but to sit down and talk about the realities and uncomfortable things about life, you need to have a conversation with your teenager, though. It doesn't help to just ignore it. Remember, stay calm. And your team will likely be quite defensive and angry in that situation. So create a safe space around you, where you can have this conversation without judgment and calm and ensure that your child isn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol or any substance. When you are having this conversation, go down to their level. For instance, if they are sitting, then sit down with them. If they're on the floor, sit with them on the floor, flat on their bed, sit with them on the bed, have open body language. Don't cross your arms, try and have a calm look on your face. And remember if you speak slowly. And calmly, it's very hard to raise your voice so lower your voice speak slowly. And that will in itself creates a very calm and comforting atmosphere in the discussion. Ensure that there's not going to be any interruptions like the younger brothers and sisters or phone calls or knocks on doors, make sure that you have this time just for the two of you or however many of the family or. Maybe, um, both parents and the child are sitting together, make sure that there's going to be no interruptions. And while you are trying your very, very best to stay calm throughout the conversation, as much as you are worried, frustrated, and feeling all those mixed emotions as your teenager gets angry and frustrated and defensive, just stay calm. Speak calmly and come to them from a place of love and concern so that you can show your support to them and that they can see your support. It doesn't help to say. I want to help you in a shouting angry voice. It has a much better effect. When you say I want to help you coming from love, calmness and understanding, it also helps to make sure that your child understands that you accept that what's happened has happened. And that what you are going to do now is focused on taking the right steps for the future. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. It's so important here to actually listen to your teenager, especially when you ask them why they started using drugs in the first place. Was it peer pressure? Where are they depressed? Where they suffering from anxiety? What was the cause? This is your chance to really take onboard the reasonings. So you can both learn and focus and be more informed about their choices in their future. If you both hit a brick wall, then don't give up, take a break and arrange to talk. When you are both feeling calmer and your heads are clearer later on in that day. Illustrates your concern and support throughout the conversation, make sure you express it and show it. Well, let them know that the reason behind the talk is because you want your teenager to be healthy, safe, and happy, and you want to have a good relationship with them. Let them know that you want them to be honest with you even. If they know that honesty is not what you want to hear. The honest truth is better than hearing an honest lie and that you will listen without judgment. And yes, you might get angry with them, but that is because you care about them throughout the conversation, demonstrate compassion so that your teenager sees that you own really crying your very best to understand their situation. Open ended questions always have more success rather than simple. Yes or no questions. Like do you enjoy taking drugs that is not going to get you anywhere? Your teenager may have a lot on their mind and they can use this opportunity to open up to you. However, Be very, very mindful that your child may not open up completely because they are fearful or they might be embarrassed. So it's vital to read and listen between the words and look at their body language and their facial expressions because you know your child best while you're talking. Don't forget that the physical connection is very, very important too. So. Put your hand on theirs or give them a hug when it's appropriate. As parents, it's very natural to want to show your concerns, but make sure that you do it in a non-judgemental way. You may even want to mention the uncharacteristic behavior that they've been, uh, portraying, but. Also ensure that you praise them to, for example, you can explain that you've noticed their concentration has been lacking, but also mentioned how helpful they have been around the house. You might hit some barriers. Such as your teenager worrying about being truly open or lying or denying even the drug use is this is the case. You will need to just reassure them that you really care for them and that you want them to stay healthy and happy. Don't punish them for lying. They will feel more scared than you realize to even confined in you. In anything in the future. Thank them for being open. Thank thing for opening up and for talking to you. In terms of addressing the drug use and how to move forward, you will need to discuss the limits and boundaries and goals for yourself and your teenager to focus on it is so important to share your findings too, so that your teenager is more informed. For instance, what the effects are of the drugs that they are using and what could happen to them if they were caught with these drugs. For instance, of course, they will need to understand the consequences, but also put in place some positive reinforcement. So moving forward, unfortunately they will not just be one conversation. When it comes to drugs, you will need to regularly check in with your teenager and review your goals. Have they managed to, to keep to those boundaries? You will also need to frequently assess the rules. And the consequences to keep them on track. Remember, you are not your child and your child, isn't you. So we all have unique ways of experiencing life and of making choices. Be mindful that your child is going to experience life in their own way. No matter what we say as a parent, if you notice that your child is not coping or is feeling overwhelmed emotionally, and that their mental health is suffering, then please find help. Get in touch with your GP or get in touch with me. I would love to help your child build a more resilient self and help them help themselves make the right choices in life. I hope you found this discussion helpful, and that has made you think a bit deeper on how we communicate with our children in stressful situations and how important it is to stay calm and focused and approach things from a place of love and understanding. This is the meditation that will help you let go of worry and stress. If you're driving, then please don't listen to this right now. You can push, pause and listen to it later. And if you would home, then find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down where it's quiet. And you won't be interrupted. Make yourself comfortable, maybe catch blankets, cover yourself up kit or cozy, and just listen to my voice. As you allow yourself to let go of any worry or stress, close your eyes all the way down already allowing your body. Her mind to let go and relax, breathe normally in, through your mouth and out. Now, swap it around and praise in through your nose and out through your mouth. Now, swap it around again into your mouth. And now just breathe. And as you keep your eyes closed, you focus on your surroundings. And see if you can memorize things that all around you in the room without opening your eyes, allow yourself to walk around the room and notice things. This will help you realize that your unconscious mind. He's constantly taking in anything without you even noticing. Your unconscious mind is never sleeping. That's always awake, observing, listening, and storing memories to think of yourself. Standing at the top of a Hill. And as you look down the Hill at the bottom, you see a beautiful Lake. And as I count you down, you kind of walk down the Hill toward the Lake and you notice says 10 trees in a line, down the Hill. And each time I say a number you're going to pass one of the trees and gently ever so gently. You're going to brush the bark with the inside of your hand. So you start walking down and you reach 10 touching the Bach, walking down even further nine. Touching the next street as each step, you allow yourself to feel more relaxed, going deeper into relaxation. And feeling very relaxed and calm. Very relaxed and safe. As you move down the Hill closer to the Lake six, you feel the texture of the bark of the tree. On your hand. As you pass the seventh street, walking down to number six, you can feel the crunch of the cross. And the tweaks under your feet, five further down, fairly relaxed for more relaxed. Now. Very deeply relaxed, Surrey, calm. Almost weightless too, very peaceful now, and one, and you've reached a bottom and as you reach the bottom, you notice the Lake in front of you and you walk towards the Lake and you can feel the sun on your skin and you just feel very relaxed. Calm and you take your shoes off when you feel the water is warm and you decide you're going to go for swim and you take off your clothes and you. Get into the water. Justin you're underway, feeding, excited, but calm, enjoying the warm water against your skin. As you go deep into the looter, and then you just lie back in the water and you just float on your back in the Lake. And it's very calm. There's no wind, the water's warm and there's no one around just you and the Lake. And as you lie, floating in the Lake and look up at the clouds and you notice how the clouds are just passing one by one. The clouds are just passing by in the sky and you lie in the Lake and you close your eyes and you can feel the water in your fingers as you stretch your arms out. And you're just floating. Without any effort to just float calmly, peacefully, and very, very relaxed now. And I'd like you to just take a couple of deep breaths. And as you do this, I want you to imagine every time you exhale, all your worry and your stress leaves your body with each breath and with each breath that you inhale, you're breathing in this beautiful blue sky. I'm fresh, a breathe in as you breathe out, let go of all the stress and worry and breathing again. Fresh, a peaceful calm. And as you breathe out, any worry or stress, because there's nothing to do about this. He's worries. Oh, things that might not even happen. And there's no point on holding them inside your body because they make you feel tired and stressed and they'd bring anxiety. Just allow them to just float out of your body with each breath that you breathe, you feel yourself becoming lighter and more weightless. That you identify leaves your body with each breath. And as you think of the worries that you might. So be having in your head, just breathe into those worries and just let them flow out, allowing them to just escape into the universe, just like a cloud and watch them as they drift off, drift away, not affecting you at all. Even you feeling peaceful and calm in this moment of complete relaxation as you just float in this Lake and allow yourself to just enjoy this moment, feeling free of worry. Free of stress and remind yourself that goal, your experiences, or thought creative and your thoughts create your reality. And if you think of stress, you create stress. If you think of calmness and peace, you create calmness and peace. So now allow yourself to just think of a very peaceful and calm place. It might be a place that, you know, Who are places that you can imagine in your head, in your mind's eye, you can create this. And just think of it, beautiful place. Notice how, just by thinking of it, how calm you feel and how relaxed you feel and remind yourself that you can make yourself feel calm and relaxed. By choosing the thoughts that you're focused on now repeat after me, I feel safe. I feel calm and I choose to be here and I can, I feel safe. Safe. I feel calm and I choose to be here. And one more time. I feel safe and I choose to be here. Swim to the side of the Lake. As you feel your body gliding through the water, and as you get out, you feel alive, you feel calm, you feel taller. Even you feel stronger. And you walk towards the trees that lead the way up to the Hill. And as you get dressed, You know, it's just, the accounts have completely cleared and the sky is a perfect blue, no counts. Everything seems clear now. And you start walking up and as you walk up. You touch the ball of the tree with your hand? Again, one going up to a big walking, very calmly feeling happy and relaxed. Three. For even higher, you go five feeling really calm, six, starting to feel more aware of your surroundings. Seven. Moving your fingers in your toes, eight, almost at the top. Now feeling more alert nine and 10, and you open your eyes and you're back in the room feeling really calm, really relaxed. Noticing that you don't have any worries now because you know, There's nothing to worry about. Everything is as a way it should be. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn, you can find me on Tracy. Kimberg hypnotherapist. You can message me on any of those platforms or you can get hold of me@tracykim.com, forget to leave a review. And you can also let me know if there's anything specific you would like me to talk about on my podcast. I'd love to hear it. If there's. Any specific subject that you might find interesting. And we'd like to note a little bit more about, have a lovely week and remember be kind to yourself until next time.