In conflict, the distinction between positions – what we say we must have – and interests – the motivations behind those statements -- is critically important. Recognizing that interests lie behind positions is the first step. Assuming we know the interests isn’t a good next step. We need to understand, in ourselves and others, what those motivations are. We might be surprised.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Understanding positions and interests

In a recently published article, Deborah Tannen described the concept of “cooperative overlapping”. In the article, she explains how she coined the phrase in her 1984 book, Conversational Style. The idea is that interrupting someone who is speaking can be a positive: it’s meant to show engagement in what the speaker is saying and to encourage the speaker to continue. Read her article here:https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/25/opinion/interrupting-cooperative-overlapping.html?searchResultPosition=1Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Deborah Tannen’s article on “cooperative overlapping”

Deborah Tannen describes herself as a linguist who studies the mechanics of conversation. Her studies, articles, and books cover a wide range of potentially thorny types of conversation. The key takeaways regarding conflict? Although we may have different approaches to conversation, one is not necessarily better than another. Our challenge is understanding that we have these differences and not jumping to make negative assumptions about them.http://www.deborahtannen.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Deborah Tannen's work on the mechanics of conversation

Cindy Radu brings a background in law and accounting to her work with legacy families. In particular, her deep expertise with trusts enables Cindy to help families achieve their wealth legacy goals. She offers three specific takeaways. First, communicate about the purpose of a trust -- the mission, vision, and values behind it. Second, intentionally activate the trust. Third, collaboration among all involved is essential: the grantors, the trustees, the beneficiaries, and the professional advisors.You can learn more about Cindy’s work at her website: https://cindyradu.com/ . Reach her by email here: connect@cindyradu.com. She welcomes messages through LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/raducindy/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Cindy Radu on the underappreciated opportunities of trusts

The phrase “giving someone the benefit of the doubt” suggests only one benefit, bestowed by one person upon another, when trustworthiness is accepted, even though there is some question about it. The benefits are actually broader: the relationship is spared the stress of distrust and possible rupture and the one “giving” the benefit is relieved of the burden of judging the other person as untrustworthy.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Benefits of the doubt

Availability bias, also known as the availability heuristic, is the idea that we tend to value --  overweight even -- information that comes to mind quickly when making decisions. It’s a mental shortcut in processing information. Recent events, those that touch us personally, and those that are highly unusual come to mind more readily.In a conflict, if two people are trying to reach a decision, it’s to be expected that both people are affected by availability bias. And, it’s only logical, that this brain shortcut will lead them to slightly different or tremendously different results. Because they are processing different data. An awareness of this type of bias is an important first step by in itself. Next, we can slow ourselves down in the decision-making process. We can consider if we are giving too much weight to a piece of information or occurrence because it affected us, individually; because it was highly unusual (and thus the subject of lots of attention); or because it happened recently.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Managing availability bias

Richard has extensive experience in mediation within the context of litigation: by court rule, a judge’s order or suggestion, or on the parties’ own initiative. We discuss the advantages of working with a skilled mediator in commercial litigation matters. We also discuss how family business mediation differs from a purely commercial scenario.You can learn more about Richard’s work at his website: https://www.lutringeradrconsulting.com/ . You can reach him by email here: rlutringer@mac.comDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Richard Lutringer on mediation within litigation

 It’s a popular expression, but not a helpful one when applied to interpersonal conflict. The phrased overgeneralizes. It can oversimplify how many “sides” are present in a conflict. It fails to recognize that people – in contrast to rocks – are dynamic. It doesn’t take into account that people may have a hard position on one part of an issue, but not all. And it assumes a negative, self-fulfilling perspective – if we believe that all is hopeless, we nearly guarantee that it is!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

Nance described her journey to her work as a conflict resolution specialist, including experience in human resources, professionally and personally, law school, and a corporate setting with a strong alternative dispute resolution process.She eventually learned about the International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation.  Through ICER, Nance completed an eight-week training course and certification.  As important as that work is in its direct application to ethno-religious conflicts, Nance shared specific takeaways that can be used in many types of conflicts.  First, as a mediator, you are not there to judge, even in extraordinary circumstances. Second, focus on the goal of giving those involved as many tools as possible to move forward with their lives and end the conflict. Third, practice patience.You can learn more about the ICER here: https://www.icermediation.org/You can learn more about Nance’s work at Third Ear Conflict Resolution here: https://nschicklaw.com/ and on Linked In, YouTube, and Facebook. Information on her book, DIY Conflict Resolution, is available here: https://nschicklaw.com/diy-conflict-resolution-book/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Nance Schick on lessons from ethno-religious mediation

Silence, in the context of conflict, can have many meanings. When someone stops communicating, the other person or other people must guess what it means – and the interpretation might be incomplete or completely wrong. On a more positive note, when people are in conflict and one embraces silence to truly listen carefully to what someone else is saying, that silence shows respect and helps possible solutions to the conflict surface and be heard.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The many meanings of silence

Learning to deal with conflict well, just like learning to swim, is a teachable life skill. We are, understandably, afraid of the danger that water can pose. When we learn to swim, we handle that danger and that fear better. So, too, with conflict. When we learn to handle it better, with more competence and more confidence, we fear it less.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Swimming and conflict

Genevieve Chornenki was a seasoned dispute resolution consultant when an avoidable medical event with serious consequences thrust her into new roles. From her perspective as someone who had served as a neutral in a wide range of processes, she experienced being an injured person, a complainant, a client, and a person labelled as a victim.Genevieve shares some highlights of the insights she sets out in her book, “Don’t Lose Sight: vanity, incompetence, and my ill-fated left eye”. She encourages potential purchasers to order it through a local, independent bookstore if possible. If not, it is available through online retailers in both paperback and electronic formats. You can reach Genevieve at gac@chornenki.com. She invites you to follow her on Instagram, @chornenkigenevieve. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Genevieve Chornenki: a dispute resolver who became a complainant

PPI is Purposeful Planning Institute. At PPI’s RendeZoom, Betsy Erickson, Steve Legler, and I led a breakout session on Leaning into Conflict, with confidence and competence. Here are a few take-aways for trusted advisors. Though it’s not helpful to ignore your own discomfort with conflict, owning up to it is fine!  The families that advisors work with frequently believe that they are the only ones who experience interpersonal conflict. Simply assuring client families that other families struggle provides significant client service. In some circumstances, an advisor who has no particular expertise in conflict management will be able to help the family over a small hurdle. And if the conflict facing a family is more than you as an advisor feel you can or should take on – there is help out there. People whose focus is on helping families work through the challenges of promoting good conflict and addressing the bad. Just reach out.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

PPI and leaning into conflict

Specific written plans to deal with potential conflict can be helpful: both by acknowledging that conflict happens and by having a process in place when it is needed.  Those specifics are themselves part of a plan: a contract, a family charter, a workplace policy.  Many of us find planning hard to do: we need to face difficult facts, make tough decisions, and devote resources (time, money, and energy) to doing it well. Three steps can help us get past our own or our clients’ conflict: acknowledge that it is difficult; start with something simple instead of nothing; and expect to review and make changes in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Planning, plans, and conflict

Betsy recognizes that conflict is a normal occurrence in families, and helps families engaged in philanthropy to understand that they are not alone in experiencing it. In fact, family conflict may emerge for the first time when families create the structures and make the decisions necessary for wise philanthropy.  She and her team are alert for the first signs of conflict and work with families to address it before lasting damage can occur. Betsy mentioned The National Center for Family Philanthropy https://www.ncfp.org/. You can learn more about her work at https://www.arabellaadvisors.com/.   You can reach her through    betsy@arabellaadvisors.com or 202.595.1036.We also talk about our session, with Steve Legler, at the Purposeful Planning Institute’s RendeZoom, July 21 through July 23, virtually. Our session: How can advisors lean into conflict, with confidence?  is designed to be engaging and interactive. It’s not too late to join us! Here’s the link to learn more and to register: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/2021-rendezoom.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Betsy Erickson on handling conflict effectively with philanthropic families

Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your understanding with some new points of view to consider. Would you like to learn more about Jane and her 30-year fascination with conflict, her work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach? Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Please visit https://www.dovetailresolutions.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/, or start a conversation at jb@dovetailresolutions.com!